hey everyone. My family has it in their mind that a romantic relationship will cure me so to speak. I’ve been getting „worse,, I guess? Because I finally reached out for therapy. They’re mad I did, and say a doctor won’t fix me, but they’re also mad 1 session wasn’t enough. I don’t want to go into detail but I’ve totally moved away from even having friendships. Natural fading of friends coupled with just not gettingout much because I’m anxious-> go out less-> less comfortable interacting with people. I made my world really really tiny. And I told my family this, and opened up about wanting friends.
Yet when I did, I was met with criticism. I haven’t really dated. I got asked out one time, and never followed through.. again because the nerves or just not feeling like I wanted to? This was when I was about 23 or so. Then at 24 went on my first date but I was more concerned if he liked me than if I liked him. And it didn’t go anywhere, as many of my crushes didn’t. But if they did I don’t think I’d even want a relationship because I preferred the longing of a crush than the actual thing. I don’t think I’m anywhere near ready nor have I really thought much about it?
I get shamed or told I’m behind, or just told I’m crazy. When I did have that date I made the mistake of telling my family: they kept calling me, asking where I am, offered to meet us? It was too much. I feel suffocated and like I’m always making the wrong choice or like I’m faking my mental health troubles because that’s what I’m told. I also get told I’m like lying about not dating if I tell people so I just lie, but I think my inexperience is really obvious. I also come off awkward maybe. Because I’m out of practice with socializing
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Dating won’t fix your mental health.. just like having children won’t fix a marriage.
If your anxiety is making your life materially worse and you genuinely want to fix it, by all means stick with therapy. But shaming you, forcing you, smothering you, and calling you crazy is the exact opposite of “fixing,” and it’s unbelievable that your family thinks otherwise. If you’re going to stop interacting with anyone altogether, it should be them.
it sounds more like you have a overbearing family problem.
if anything it sounds like you need to focus on fixing mental health and making more friends.
I don’t think it’s any of their business if you’re dating or not, and going to therapy is a great first step to getting better and I’m glad you chose it!
Do you live with your family? If so, it would be good for you to separate yourself from them and move out. If they’re just all in your business, regardless, it may be time to put them on an information diet. They won’t know the details of your life unless you tell them.
Bring this up to your therapist at your next session, and then continue to go and grow from there. Make choices for you not them.
Good job getting a therapist. You’re on the right path to feeling better.
You’re allowed to live however you want – you don’t need to succumb to familial pressure.
But it’s also good to open up over time. Not to just anyone, but there are your people out there. I’m sure now that you have the intention to make friends, you will 🙂
Dating can come later when you want to.
Hey OP, I can’t really figure out what your question is.
Are you actually asking how one starts dating? Do you WANT to be dating? You don’t need to date just because your family thinks you should. You don’t need to prove to your family that you’ve tried all THEIR suggestions before you get to do what YOU think is best for your mental health (such as therapy or trying to make new friends.) My father would prefer if I prayed to Jesus about my depression rather than taking medication about it, but I did not feel the need to do any praying at all about it because that’s not something I’m personally inclined to.
If you actually do want to date, it starts with leaving your house. And I literally do mean just… leaving your house. Right now, that’s all you should be focused on — getting out and experiencing routine social interaction and increasing your exposure to dealing with other people. Going on a date, especially with a stranger online, is social interaction Hard Mode — there’s a LOT of pressure to make a good first impression, the stakes can feel SUPER high (“what if he likes me and we get married??? what if he doesn’t like me and it proves forever that I’m an unattractive dork???”), and there’s some amount of vulnerability required as this person is trying to get to know you on a deeper level. I would focus on getting REALLY comfortable with routine social life and platonic interactions before dipping my toe into dating, if I were you.
Tell your therapist what your family has said (about dating and therapy) and the pressure they are putting on you. I suspect a big component in your anxiety stems from the controlling and overbearing way your family treats you.
Keep up with the therapy, taking care of your health is always important.
Sometimes taking up a physical sport can get anxiety out of the adrenal glands.
Dating is rough nowadays and I think to be safe from mental manipulation and traps- dating more than one at a time for several weeks or few months is good.
Dating teaches you a lot about yourself as well, for developing your concept of yourself, and evaluating what you might absolutely want in another person and what to be sure to screen out of a shared future. You may meet a lot of people who dont suit you but it is good practice for navigating the world during your life. The other thing I noticed dating lots of people not suited to you is there’s usually a small thing, or something you can like about someone you don’t care to meet again.
You OP might be demisexual – a term meaning you can’t get excited about someone unless you click on a mental level first.
If you believe you are meant to be solitary – I dont think there’s anything wrong with that either if you pursue a variety of interests, and develop yourself. If someone wants to live alone and in a rut there might be something there to explore and be sure to guard against depression.
Talk to your therapist about setting boundaries with your family. Why is your family so involved in your life (going to therapy, dating, etc)? Do you live at home? Or are they just overbearing and you won’t set boundaries?
Dating isn’t going to fix your mental health. If you’re self isolating, you’d be better off reconnecting with old friends or putting yourself out there socially like joining hobby groups.
Lol dating (online dating specifically) will almost certainly be the worst thing you can do for your mental health in 2025 😭 especially as a woman.
Honestly, stay single. Get pets and join hobby groups if you’re lonely and want physical touch.
Live your bestest and most wonderful and joyful single of life and treat yourself like you’re the love of your life.
Trust me, it’s a journey more wonderful than the nonsense you’ll get from 99% of the “men” out there.
You know yourself best! Dating is not the solution—- maybe you shouldn’t share too much with your family. You did great with therapy and I hope you continue… it’s nice to get a different perspective on things…
Sounds like you need to establish boundaries with your family and if they won’t respect them, put in some distance. Date because you want to do it, not because someone is pressuring you.
Therapy is a brilliant way to talk way things through.
I don’t know what your family is thinking. But the fact that going out and dating improves mental health is laughable lol. I’ve never been more stressed and anxious than when I’ve been dating.
No itll ruin you if your mental health is already fragile, your family is insane
I hope you’ll stick with therapy! Progress takes time, and sometimes it even takes time to find the right therapist for you.
I deal with anxiety too and was lucky to find a therapist who could act as the voice of reason to my anxiety, and even better, give me ways to be my own voice of reason against my anxiety.
It might be beneficial to not relay as much information to your family if they aren’t supportive.
I’ll echo on what another commenter said: focus on yourself, self esteem, and work toward feeling more up to friendships.
Speaking from experience, being in a vulnerable state and trying to launch a healthy relationship is like playing love on hard mode. So much easier when you have a stronger mental foundation.
Your family are idiots.
I would highly recommend continuing with therapy and learning how to set boundaries with your family. They are overbearing and 100% contributing to your mental health issues. I would focus on that, your therapy journey, and maybe get on a medication if that’s something they recommend to you. Then you can focus on building community slowly and engaging in hobbies that are just for YOU and your happiness and not your family’s idea of what will make you happy. Then you can start to date slowly. If that is even what you want to do but again, finding yourself will help you discover that.