So I’m 20(f), and my father and I have had a very strained relationship. He was very manipulative and emotionally abusive during my childhood, and since my parents got divorced my junior year of high school I do not really see him or have a relationship with him. He has always insisted on my sister and I calling him “daddy”, and when my sister and I decided to start referring to him as just dad (around sophomore/junior year of high school) he got upset. Now he doesn’t say anything about it but he still refers to my sister and I as “big girl”. My sister is three years older than me. Frankly it just makes me uncomfortable, and I am not sure how to go about asking him to not call us that. I feel he will just react negatively and still do it anyway. I can’t tell if I’m overreacting or if it’s valid to feel uncomfortable about it
Father won’t stop calling me “big girl”
r/Advice
Comments
This isn’t a validation subreddit. You feel how you feel. The onus is on you to communicate your feelings. And yes, he might react negatively and still do it anyway. That would suck but it is what it is and you will at least get some of this dilemma settled.
I’m sorry your dad is a jerk. It’s not your fault but it is your responsibility to not expect people to read your mind.
Try to focus on yourself and what you can control.
I had kind the same thing. I told my dad i did not like it when he calls me that and he threw a tantrum but in the end after lile a monthe i could see he was trying st stop.for my dad the thing that made this work is that i did not ask him to stop i just told him that i do not like that he does it
Sorry eng is not my first language
Your feelings are valid, and if you’re wondering how to communicate them, just be frank and speak what feels honest to yourself, maybe something in the lines of “hey dad, you’re calling me this and i don’t really like it”. The bad part is that he won’t necessarily stop, but by making yourself feel heard maybe part of that feeling will soften.
Start calling him “the old dude” – see how he reacts to that.
Well, you say you don’t really have a relationship with him.
But I guess tell him to stop and if he doesn’t then just tell him you’re not going to visit him as long as he keeps doing it.