We have two girls aged 10 and 9. They already know how babies come from etc. as we had the talk with them a couple of years ago. They asked and we answered, with the help of a couple of books.
Now they are approaching pre-teen and I wonder if you are a dad of girl(s), how did you handle the “safe sex”, “waiting until you are ready” talk etc.? Or was it only their mom (or their mom figure in their life)? I understand my question only applies to heterosexual couples.
Fathers of girl(s), how involved were you when it’s time to have the safe sex talk with your daughter(s)?
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Dad of three girls. My wife did the sex talk with them. I remind the girls teenager boys only want one thing, they will say anything, don’t believe a word out of their mouth. It’s worked for us.
I have two daughters. I was the sole parent to give them the talk as their mother didn’t feel comfortable. My girls know they can come to me for anything and everything.
Hi, daughter here with no children. If you are in the US our sex education system is trash. One thing it would have been real nice to have a male perspective on early in life would have been condoms and sex. When you are young and inexperienced you fall for the “I’m too big,condoms hurt, can’t we just….” It’s already awkward and girls get guilted into a lot, but that one was always creditable. Make sure they know what stealthing is and consent includes condoms. Yes, your wife can handle it but it does carry more weight coming from someone who has actually worn a condom. My dad did NOT have that talk and I wish he had. It wasn’t until my mid 20s that a well endowed boyfriend put an end to the “too big” to use condoms myth that I completely believed until that point.
Here’s actual footage of my strategy. I have a wife for a reason.
I let mom take the lead, but I’m involved. They’re really close, and I understand there may be things she is more comfortable talking to mom about.
Well when it was time, I was a single dad, soooo I was the only one giving the talk.
Whomever talks to them, make sure to emphasize consent. Sex ed in the US fails miserably at this. Helpful acronym- consent is FRIES-
Freely given (your decision, not coerced or guilted)
Reversible (you can change your mind and revoke consent at any time)
Informed (you know exactly what you are agreeing to)
Enthusiastic (you are genuinely enthusiastic about it- the absence of a No is NOT a Yes! Freezing up is not a Yes!)
Specific (agreeing to one particular thing does not mean you agree to anything else)
Sexual activity needs to be all of the above, or it is not consensual. Also emphasize the importance of communication- consent is an ongoing thing, not something that gets checked off. Everyone needs to be paying attention to their partner and making sure things are still good, both psying attention to verbal and nonverbal communication. No one is a mind reader, and no one should be expected to be. If they aren’t comfortable talking openly with a prospective partner about sex, protection, and consent, they aren’t ready to have sex.
My mom spoke to me about it, like all the details. But the conversation with my dad was more about self respect and boundaries.
Having a man you trust (my dad) tell you that you don’t owe anyone your body or sexual acts, if a man doesn’t respect your boundaries he isn’t worth a dime, and that if all he is after is sex he doesn’t respect you, really helped in my choice of healthy partners I think.
I think definitely explaining how boys minds work is helpful. But also tell your daughters what a healthy and respectful partner SHOULD be, not just what to avoid.