I (20F) went on a second date last night with a guy I’ve been seeing (20M), and I need some outside perspective before going on a third. I’m into him, I enjoy our time together, but our first kiss was… rough. Not sure what to make of it.
The good stuff (and there’s a lot):
He’s genuinely one of the kindest, most respectful guys I’ve met. Super tall (6’6”), sweet, opens doors for me, picks me up at my front door, remembers things I mention, plans things, pays attention, and follows through. Honestly such a gentleman.
We have great banter, fun conversations, no awkward silences, and I feel really safe and comfortable with him. There’s light physical touch, teasing, laughter, just an overall great vibe when we’re together. I’ve caught myself really looking at him during the date, thinking, “Wow, he’s actually so cute.” So yes, I’m attracted to him.
The issue: the kiss.
After our second date, we made out for a while in the car, and it just felt awkward. He’s not experienced and neither am I, so it ended up being a lot of tongue, kind of messy, not enjoyable. I kept pulling away and apologizing, saying I was bad at it (which probably didn’t help), and I didn’t feel any sparks or desire to keep going. I wasn’t grossed out, just… not into it.
Later, he asked for another kiss, and it was just awkward pecking again, no butterflies, just weird tension. He was really respectful afterward, saying he hoped he didn’t make me uncomfortable and that he wants to take things slow, so I really don’t think his intentions are bad at all.
Here’s where I’m torn:
• I really enjoy spending time with him. I like him. A lot.
• I was attracted to him before the kiss.
• But during the kiss, I didn’t feel chemistry at all.
• I don’t know if it’s a compatibility thing or just two inexperienced people figuring it out.
My friends think the kiss should’ve had a spark if there’s real attraction, and some have even said I could do better or that I just don’t find him attractive myself. He’s balding (not a big deal, but it’s something I noticed more after the date), and now I’m overanalyzing everything. I don’t want to lead him on but I also don’t want to cut off something real just because of one awkward kiss.
Should I go on the third date to give it another chance, or trust the lack of spark in the kiss and move on now before it gets deeper?
Any honest advice is welcome. I just want to be fair to him and to myself.
Comments
Go on the third date. Kissing can get better with comfort and practice, especially if you’re both inexperienced. The emotional connection, safety, and attraction you already feel are much harder to find than perfect kissing. Chemistry can grow give it a little time before making a final call.
Go on another date and play the “I’ll kiss you and then you kiss me back the same” game. Focus on your own performance and your own anxiety. Have fun
My wife and I had nervous awkward sex the first time we were intimate. Now are sex is fire even after all these years. We took time to ask what each of us like. Now that we are so comfortable with each other new things emerge and it’s been an amazing ride. And obviously I married her even with the awkward sex.
The same goes for kissing. If he’s sparking you emotionally and treating you well and enjoy his firm. Kissing get be worked on.
I dont know. It seems like a small reason to break up with someone over to me, especially when everything else is working out, but you have the right to do so.
What the heck
Please don’t be one of those people that bases their future relationship on whether or not there’s sparks on date 1-3 alone. You named a ton of great qualities, and sparks eventually fade. Does he have long term potential may be what’s more important. Unless, thats not what you’re looking for. I’d say try 1-2 more dates and see how those go. It’s not adding much more time but can open a whole new layer of insight.sparka might eventually come
How many people have you kissed before him?
Married 21 years on the 17th….im not a good kisser, my first kissing girlfriend was a very aggressive kisser so I’ve not been interested in “makeout” kissing since. However I will kiss my wife all over and enjoy that thoroughly. Go on the date, the very most important things are there. Kissing can get better and nerves may have played a part.
Nope. It sounded like he checked off a bunch of things on a list for you. But the chemistry wasn’t there. Sounds like you really wanted to make it work because you thought you should. But your gut is telling you no. You’re not conflicted at all. You don’t want a second date. You think you’re conflicted because of weighing the good against the bad; but realy the conflict is that because there is so much good, you feel superficial for the kiss getting in the way. The conflict is between how you actually feel – and how you think you should feel, given the tally sheet.
Here’s part of why I feel so strongly about this: my wife ticks off almost none of the boxes i theoretically had in my head. But I still vividly remember our first kiss 15 years ago.’it was like we shot out into space and had a cosmic kiss spectated by the entire universe. Everything turned purple and red. She was not a great kisser but I wouldn’t have minded if she accidentally licked my eyeball.
We have all kinds of problems like every kind of marriage. But the core of our connection is so unbelievably strong that even though she is literally not like anyone I thought I would ever be with (except she has freckles and beautiful lips and I am crazy for freckles and lips), we have perished with one another through everything. The closer and more intimate we get – the closer and more intimate we get.
I believe the root of attraction was and still is a good friendship with respect and communication.
Maybe you’re making out too soon, and your bodies are trying to tell you that.
Now, I’m not saying that the connection isn’t there for some situations. I’m all for that. But some things have to grow on the vine before it becomes wine.
You need a good partner first, and right now those are very rare to find. Take care with this one. I hope he’s a good one.
If there were no butterflies 🦋 i wouldn’t go on a third date
He’s 6’6. Im assuming that he’s having to crouch down to kiss you. This is a silly reason to not go out with someone you’re otherwise fine with.
Yall should practice kissing with him for your third date. Kissing is one of those things where anyone can improve easily
There’s a lot of pressure on early days for kisses to be magical.
But think of kissing as a conversation where both of you are still learning the language.
Sloooooow everything down. It’s conversation not a monologue.
If you like him and he’s a good guy, stick it out thru this awkwardness. I hope it passes soon.
Stop watching Disney movies and reading romance novels. Does he have a good heart? Is he a kid person? Just let him go because you don’t seem to share the same values.
Your spirit is telling you it’s not a good match! You don’t have to have fireworks but some feeling of excitement. You may be attracted to a certain quality but don’t add up to the whole person. You can find his nose, eyes or facial expressions intriguing but it goes deeper than that!
If he is 6ft6 bring a step ladder next time, might be easier to kiss that way lol. Also your putting too high expectations on kissing lol it’s not magic, sometimes a it just takes getting to know ew other better.
Third date he gonna have expectations. If you don’t plan of fking him, don’t go.
Jesus Christ, that’s a lot of analyzing after two dates. Go on a third date, but I’m not optimistic.
Y’all made out in a car, of course it was gonna feel weird
Kissing can get better. First time I kissed my husband it sucked. I kind of had to gently teach him without being critical. Stop if it’s getting wet. It’s ok to say- less tongue. I ended up having sex with him and it was surprisingly awesome. I married him! We have a son. We got divorced but that had nothing to do with the kissing. Our sex life was always good. His first love is just alcohol. So had to go …
My wife is just not that into kissing. I like some kisses but nothing weird and sloppy like you mentioned, just prefer a peck now and again.
She’s the only one I’ve ever been with and been married for 14 years. I don’t think we ever really had a make out session, it’s not really her thing and I would probably be super effing awkward about it just like your guy there, haha.
What I’m trying to say is… if this kiss stuff is the only thing holding you back then you gotta weigh how important kissing is to you. If it’s super important then it could eventually grow on you and cause you to back away. If it’s not a big deal or something you think you two can talk about or work on then just forget about it and keep things going.
In my very happily married and very similar to the guy you described opinion… this spark when there is a kiss stuff is not a thing. The spark you’ve felt is from everything else you’ve found out about him to this point. Trust me… you are not going to find a lot of guys like this and to give it up at this point over a bad kiss session seems silly to me. Just my advice. Wishing you two the best no matter what you decide on.
Keep going out on dates. Tell him what you like and show him how you liked to be kissed. Best part of building a relationship is a friendship with good communication. Maybe you two can experience each other and create that spark.