In 2020 I lost my mother to cancer, my fiancé to a car accident and my job to Covid. I had to sell my home and move across the country everything went upside down and I felt scared and alone in an unfamiliar place.
I started working in my new city and one of my coworkers we’ll call him Kevin took a real liking to me. He’s 20 years older than me but he’s a real trip to be around he’s a lot of fun. Any way at the time he tried pursuing me multiple times and I said no to him multiple times. Then one day when we were at work he told me he can see me and he knows something big must have happened to me and he sensed a sadness coming from me, he said he has been trying to hangout with me to help me.
I broke down after that bc I really did need a friend and I caved and we spent days hiking in unknown places and just really connecting on a deep spiritual level. He has sensed i didn’t trust many people and he tried to slowly get me to trust him. He would ask to hold my hand and I would say no but he was persistent then he would try to hug me it took him like 3 weeks to convince me of that and once I did I was hooked he gives the best hugs and I’ve opened up to him about so much I just felt so connected. Then we eventually kissed and I was just attached, shortly after he told me about his wife and kids back in his home state (he was a travel contract worker at my location from a different state) he told me he was falling in love with me and wanted to be honest .
I was crushed but like I said I was already hooked and this is where I fucked up. I allowed myself to accept less because I really felt like he helped me on a spiritual level since i was so weak and vulnerable since i had left my home state and I couldn’t even be mad I would take whatever I could get from him but I wouldn’t sleep with him and to that I stayed true bc I knew that would kill me.
It’s now 2025 even tho we haven’t seen eachother in a few years we still talk every single day and we still miss eachother but I’m finally starting to see it from another side. I feel preyed upon by someone who’s the hardest kind of villain to overcome …. He’s a nice guy who does bad things but he’s nice about it so it’s confusing and it’s hard to detach from.
Everytime I talk to him it’s like I’m under hypnosis then if we go a few days without talking i start to see clearer until I hear that voice again and I’m back under. I’ve tried not answering him I’ve tried blocking him I’ve tried removing myself numerous times but I keep finding myself under his spell and he doesn’t stop bc he claims he misses and loves me but how could he? He can’t have both. What is it about me that he won’t let go? He has a full plate and a full life why does he still try to keep me on his life on the daily? I don’t see what I add and I don’t see why he won’t let me go. Why does he keep me around? I feel trauma bonded to him he knows everything about me and still wants me around and I just don’t understand why? Do any of you?
Comments
Please add some paragraph breaks to your submission by placing a blank line between distinct sections.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Please add some paragraph breaks to your submission by placing a blank line between distinct sections.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
He sounds like a narrcissist to me. He knows he’s hurting you but just keeping you on a string because it feeds his ego. Please let go and allow yourself to start to live a life on your own terms.
I don’t think you should be talking to a married man.
My life got a lot better when I started holding myself to a higher standard when it came to being some dude’s object for validation.
Yeah it’s hard, most things in life worth having aren’t easy – but life is easier with more dignity. Wish I’d figured that out sooner.
See what I’m doing here? Not talking about the dude. Hopefully somewhere he just got a sudden flash of pain since he’s not getting what he wants.
Read the last paragraph to yourself. You are allowing this to happen.
You feel preyed upon? You hardly sound like a victim here. His family sounds like they are the victims. You are an adult choosing to remain in an inappropriate relationship knowing that you are doing something wrong. He is at a distance and you still choose how he makes you feel momentarily over your ethics or lack thereof. Who cares why he wants to engage with you? Likely it is because you allow him to and most others would not. It does not make you special it makes you low hanging fruit. You have had a lot of trauma in your life but that is no excuse to partake in dishonesty. It goes without saying you deserve better but you are not a victim here. You are one of the villains. For your sake and his family’s move on with your life.