Feeling guilty about going on holiday that my ex would have liked to have gone on

Hi WO30

I’m sorry I’m in a mess, I need help right now.

I posted on here a few weeks ago about a breakup I had.

Basically me and the guy are still broken up. It’s been 14 days.

I’ll provide a bit more context; I ended it as I had had enough of his shouting and swearing if we got in to an argument, he would go 0-100 and swear and shout and act like a child, he was NEVER physical.

And there was a big matter of driving. We are what I would consider somewhat long distance and he’s in his 30s and I had to drive him home at the end of a weekend, I had to drive us everywhere really.
To his credit, if we ever went on dates in our city he would offer to pay for a taxi.

My sister’s are telling me that he is also lazy and unhelpful to me. My one sister is very balanced so to hear it from her I’d hope she is being genuine.

Suddenly I am remembering all the nice points, all the times where he would cuddle me and reassure me things would be alright, all the times he’d take me out for food, all the times he did listen.
The shouting was real! And the broken promises about the driving were real!

Q: why do all of a sudden I feel like I’m making them up?? And I feel like a liar.

We are still in contact because I just can’t cut the cord but my feelings have changed.

I do have some hope in me that we will reconnect and I have told him that but only after a long time has passed (it’s true, who knows what the future holds) but I can’t go back without changed behaviour.

Lastly, the small matter of Disney. Yes it is expensive, but my ex priority was going to concerts each year. We did have Disney booked but moved it 2 times because of other things that he wanted to do so we couldn’t afford it but I think that if he wanted to, he would. Considering the amount spent on gigs, transport, beers etc.

So I booked my dream holiday…. Disney World.

Q: Why do I feel like I am betraying him? I feel a sense of loyalty to him but I also feel like I’m being really sneaky?

I am too scared to tell him. As we are still talking I have to tell him because it would be a bit strange if I fell off the face of the earth for 10 days.

I’m scared he will be angry at me for going to Disney.

TLDR; I booked a vacation to Disney World where me and my ex wanted to go eventually and now I’m panicking about his reaction