I have had an on and off relationship with my MIL over the years but as of late I just don’t have it in me anymore , I used to care what she thought etc and would go the extra mile for her but I just can’t anymore. My MIL has a lot of relationship issues with people and over the years has lost family members and friends. If you ask her it’s them not her.
For the past couple of years after I have had my first born we have had a few clashes with one another. She has now started treating my husband her son not so great. He has seen how she has been behaving toward myself and so he took a step back. It’s to the point where my husband and myself really don’t want to go over anymore. She makes us feel uncomfortable. My husband brother is the golden child and she does not hide her feelings. When we’re all together the favouritism shows. Now , I won’t sit here and say she hasn’t done a lot for us, because she has but she also uses it against us which I hate.
She is great towards her grandchildren I will give her that, although if she is in a mood with us her demeanour changes towards our children. My FIL and her want to watch my youngest when I go back to work but with the way our relationship is going as of late I’m feeling off about it.
Last encounter we had with her was her not speaking to us because we were chatting with someone who she no longer has a relationship with. We were at a function and the couple came up and started talking to us. My husband I do not involve ourselves with other peoples problems. The way I look at things is your “beef” isn’t mine.
I just don’t have the energy anymore I just feel numb around her.
Comments
Quick Rule Reminders:
OP’s needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don’t be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
^(Full Rules) ^(|) ^(Acronym Index) ^(|) ^(Flair Guide)^(|) ^(Report PM Trolls)
Resources: ^(In Crisis?) ^(|) ^(Tips for Protecting Yourself) ^(|) ^(Our Book List) ^(|) ^(Our Wiki)
Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL!
I’m botinlaw. I help people follow your posts!
^(To be notified as soon as rainbow_1989 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe rainbow1989 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot)
^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please) ^(contact the moderators of this subreddit) ^(if you have any questions or concerns.)
She absolutely should not watch your child. She will already treat them differently since she favors your BIL, but when she’s mad at you guys it’ll be even worse.
I definitely do not think that she should be watching your child! Go to plan B!
Your MIL sounds toxic. You’re not obligated to maintain a relationship that drains you. If she’s manipulative and plays favorites, it’s smart to set boundaries or distance yourself. Don’t feel pressured to have her watch your kids if you’re uncomfortable. Prioritize your own family’s well-being.
I’ve found people tend to view relationships as cooperative or transactional. It’s clear from your post your MIL views many relationships as transactional.
You will always owe her something and that’s a zero-sum game. That feeling you have? It’s because you know that sort of relationship isn’t what you want.
You don’t owe her anything and she is not entitled to anything. FULL. STOP.
If people don’t add and only subtract to your life then it might be time to subtract them from yours. Whether that’s a full subtraction at once or a slow roll is up to your and your husband.
Good luck to you. I can empathize.
Numb is the new self-preservation. You’ve got a narcissist running a favorite-child circus and guilt-tripping for the spotlight. The “gifts” come with invisible chains. If you’re questioning leaving your kid with them, trust that gut, it’s yelling at you for a reason. Energy spent on them is energy stolen. Cut back or cut loose, whichever keeps your sanity intact.