Hi everyone,
I’ve been with my girlfriend for about five months. Things were going really well—lots of affection, consistency, and feeling secure in the relationship. But about a week ago, her mom found out we were together, and since then things have felt different.
Her mom has said she’s okay with us being together, but she doesn’t want to meet me and would prefer if we were just friends. My girlfriend told me her mom gave her a “new perspective” on things, and that shift has left me feeling unsettled.
We talked beforehand, and she told me she doesn’t want me to stop growing, but she also wants me to grow without her—that things would still be good even if we were just friends. But then later, when I suggested maybe we should just be friends, she stopped me and said we didn’t have to do that now, then kissed me and became affectionate again. I told her that this feeling of insecurity feels unfair, but I respect that she’s thinking about things. She’s also told me she still loves me and loves us. Just last night we called, and she was being very needy while also apologizing for making me feel insecure and upset.
I’ve told her that I can only show my potential through actions over time, not just words. But deep down I feel like I’m being judged on where I am right now (working food service and finishing school to move into IT) rather than who I am as a partner.
My questions:
- Is this just a normal rough patch around this stage of a relationship, or does her mom’s opinion make this a bigger red flag?
- How do I handle feeling like I’m “not enough yet” when her mom has put doubts in her head?
- Should I bring these insecurities up with my girlfriend again, or focus on consistency and let time show my commitment?
Any advice or outside perspective would really help.
TL;DR: Been with my girlfriend (20F) for 5 months (I’m 26M). Things were great until her mom found out a week ago. Her mom says she’s okay with us but doesn’t want to meet me and would prefer we’re just friends. Now my girlfriend is conflicted—sometimes saying she’d be fine if we were only friends, other times being affectionate and saying she still loves me. I feel insecure and judged for where I am in life right now, and I’m unsure if I should bring this up again or just focus on showing consistency.