I’m 38 and four months ago, I lost my firstborn at 24 weeks. It was sudden and devastating, and while I’ve faced hard losses before, this one has completely shaken me. I feel like I haven’t been able to re-engage with the world since—it’s like I’m just… stuck.
Lately, I’ve been grieving not just my baby but also the person I used to be. I miss the lightness and optimism of my 20s and early 30s. Life felt full of possibilities back then. Now it feels like things have only gotten heavier, and I’m scared they’ll keep getting harder with age.
For those of you who have navigated deep losses or life-altering moments—how did you find your way back to yourself? How do you hold onto hope when life feels like it’s already peaked?
Comments
Did the social worker at the hospital refer you to any groups with other grieving g parents. You are not alone. So sorry.
I’m so sorry. That is just so, so awful. 4 months is nothing for that kind of loss. You are still deep in grief.
Grieving your carefree past self makes sense. But the fact that that version of you is behind you doesn’t mean you’ve peaked. You can have a future life that is not as carefree, but enriched by the wisdom and perspective that comes from life experience.
Have you considered therapy? There are therapists who specialize in grief and/or trauma who can help you figure out how to survive the now and (eventually) figure out a path forward.