A few days ago an elderly woman asked me to help her bring her luggage to the bus that was approaching. Sure, no prob. But suddenly another bus that I was waiting for turned from around the corner, just before hers. I hesitated and asked if she can manage and if I should stay and help her instead. Obviosuly, she answered ‘go ahead, it’s your bus.’ And I just got on the bus.
I wasn’t in hurry at all. I could have missed this one. I should have missed it and helped. She asked for help, it means her luggage was really heavy. We were alone there.
Seriously, I can’t get rid of this guilt. Usually when you feel guilty you can apologize or fix the mistake. But I won’t met this woman again. Like, what can you do in a this situation? Or, perhaps, I’m overreacting? Even if I am, I can’t stop thinking about how wrong it was.
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Just help the next time you’re asked. Never pass up the opportunity to do something kind.
You can’t undo mistakes. You can learn from them.
Just use it as a learning experience and don’t beat yourself up. You probably panicked and were worried you’d miss your bus and didn’t think of the next but. From my perspective I would have told you to get your bus too. I’ll bet the driver helped her.
You can only do what you can do.
There are other people around, and there will be some on her bus, too. She likely got help.
Do what you can, but you can’t do everything for everyone. 🙂
You wish things had gone a little differently. Next time you’ll remember this and it’ll be easier to know how to act in line with your values. In the meantime, try to be as kind to yourself as you are with others.
Life is complicated, but fortunately each day offers a first start.
As others have said, learn from your mistake. And at least give yourself some props for recognizing what happened and how you feel about it. That puts you head and shoulders above a lot of the people I deal with on a daily basis. Good people make mistakes too.
I don’t think you need to feel guilty. Because it’s not a life or death matter. She wasn’t caught up in an unexpected situation, she could use a bit of help but she’d still be fine without it.
It’s not a mistake so long as you learned from it.
The next 5 old people you see struggling with anything, offer to help.
I go to Costco before parties, family visits. Many heavy things. Often a young person offers to help load my trunk. It means the world to me.
Guilt isn’t a bad thing. It means you have a conscience. Yeah, it would have been better if you stayed to help her but it’s not the end of the world. You can make up for it by being on the look out for anyone needing help like that and helping them. That turns it into a win win situation for you and the person you help.
As an old lady that’s been in that situation I won’t ask anyone to help me, but if they volunteer and are in way better shape than I am, I gratefully accept it. Do not feel guilty! Most older people know their limitations and work around them
You had to make a quick decision, and sometimes that’s hard. Try to let it go — you obviously care about other people.
Resolve to help the next one. She relieved you of your duty when she saw your bus coming. Let the guilt go – your heart’s in the right place and the guilt serves no real purpose.
That’s good you feel that.
Next time, politely. offer to help an elder when you see they need a hand.
Being old isn’t an easy thing on the best of days.
Old frail person here.
I’m sorry you are feeling guilty, but I’m so glad you want to help people.
I’m fairly certain there was someone on her bus that saw her and got off the bus to help her board with the luggage. So she didn’t need to manage it on her own.
Now let go of that guilt!
People’s ability to make solid decisions goes right out the window when subjected to a sudden stress, like when a bus you planned to get on shows up. It’s not logical, but that’s the way humans are wired.
Cut yourself some slack, and just know that you’ve already decided what you’ll do if the situation ever pops up again.
It’s over. Learn from this and do better from now on.
Sweetheart, it was good of you to think of her in the first place. She would not have expected you to miss your own bus. She knew your heart was in the right place and appreciated it.
The fact that you’re agonizing over this shows what a good person you are and, after all, you did offer and she declined. Sometimes us retirees are pretty independent and capable.
Just don’t do it again.
I had a friend who would do shitty things, go on and on about show bad it was, ask if he is still a good person, tell me about his terrible guilt, and then go do some other shitty thing that he felt guilty about. He just repeated this cycle over and over, as if letting me know that he felt guilty somehow absolved him (he wasn’t doing the shitty stuff to me, and it wasn’t anything that bad, similar things to what you mentioned).
Just don’t be him.
I’ve probably helped more people going forward than I ever would have after experiencing this guilt. Makes for a kinder world and costs nothing.
Next time you will do better.
If you had to catch that bus for work, an appointment or something important, that would be understandable.
You didn’t need to take it… and should have helped her. Please learn a lesson from this! I volunteer assisting seniors and it makes me feel good (helps with my depression too) and you’re helping someone who genuinely needs it at the same time.
We’re all going to get old… you may need help one day yourself!
It was wrong. Lesson learned!
She was ok with you getting your bus instead of continuing to help her. She might have felt guilty if she caused you to miss your bus! Maybe someone on her bus helped her. Lots of variables here, no sense in carrying that around.
It’s okay. It has made you think a bit more and next time if you’re able to, you will help. Thank you for taking the time to think about this.
I wouldn’t expect someone to miss their bus to help me.
I’m sure she wasn’t too upset. I learned to go with the flow as I age. If I get help fine. If not it’s all good. I’ll figure out a way to get it done. It just takes longer. No guilt.
Pay it forward. Go out of your way to help someone next time.
Yeah, like what can you do in this situation? What do you think anyone can tell you? Build a time machine and go back for a do-over?
If you are overreacting then you would be able to stop thinking about how wrong you were.
I suspect this isn’t an isolated incident in your life, that perhaps you tell yourself confusing stories and put yourself in no-win situations on a semi-regular basis.
First off, feeling badly about this means you’re a good person. Forgive yourself. The absolute best way to make yourself feel better is to remember this feeling and never allow this to happen again. Do extra to help the next person. Sending all the hugs.
As an old lady, I would be so sad if someone felt guilty after something like this. If I were her, I’d be very grateful if you recognized you pushed back the guilt and see if you could trust it is all okay.
It was nice of you to help. But just remind yourself she got all the way to the bus stop without you. She was lucid and able to manage. She would have been fine. But it was very nice of you to offer to stay.
I’m a 72 year old southern lady. If you had missed your bus to help me I would have felt as guilty as you do now. Your heart is in the right place, stop fretting!
I’m getting up there. Don’t beat yourself up for this. The fact you are wrestling with this speaks volume. The world will be a better place because of you.
There will be many more next time.
Best thing is you learned. Your have empathy-a rare characteristic in todays word 👏bravo. Do better next time. All good
Forgive yourself! Things happen. Pray for her to always have the help she needs at the right moments for the rest of her life. Everyone needs a prayer.
Pay it forward by going out of your way to help at least 2 people, maybe more depending on the level of service rendered. This should effectively assuage your guilt, and lead you to a better life if you like how it makes you feel and you decide to keep it up. So think of this incident as a springboard to your future.
Hopefullly, she flagged down the driver of the approaching bus and they helped her with her luggage.
You’re not overreacting that was a crappy thing to do. Next time if it ever happens again help her or him
Try to not waste time and energy feeling guilty about something that’s in the past. For you, I suspect that that’s easier said than done. What was supposed to happen happened. What’s supposed to happen the next time you’re in that situation, IF you’re in that situation again, will happen.