I never feel like I really fit in anywhere, only tolerated. It’s like everyone was born with an innate How To Human manual – they by default know how to fit in and do things properly and I don’t. Imagine everywhere you go, there was some big inside joke that you’re not part of and you always feel lost and not included; that’s the best way to analogise how I feel. I’m always so different to my peers, always in the minority, and it sucks, and I wish I could be like everyone else.
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That’s described every single interaction I am every in. I have CPTSD and was raised in an extremely abusive childhood , I am neurodivergent, and I am also highly intelligent. Any of these factors alone I have learned over the years could have resulted in that outcome but combined there was really no possible outcome. The average, healthy enough person from a functional enough family that has standard experiences and standard intelligence, interests, and views Just functions in a different way and I function in a different way from them. Everything from the double empathy problem where for years allistic people though that autistic people didn’t have empathy because they can’t feel empathy for people who aren’t like them so can’t see hire others who shoe empathy in different ways so that empathy. Many of us actually feel too much empathy and can’t feel our own feelings due to feeling everyone else’s..,
I’m not saying that is what’s going on with you just that it’s more common than I bet you know. It doesn’t make it less lonely though. Sorry.
felt