first time posting here- hi!
About a year ago I ended my relationship with someone I was in an open relationship with (exploring myself lol). I realized my feelings for this guy ended, I wanted monogamy and decided to break it off. He was up to some shady stuff behind my back as well- but due to the fact i have few friends and enjoyed his company, I decided to try to forgive and forget.
My ex and I had known this was headed in that direction, and agreed to preserve a friendship because although we were very close, we had always been more along the lines of “just friends” anyway.
We took a couple months apart and started up communication again I was in a new relationship (my current bf was totally ok with me keeping in touch with this guy) and he was still single. things were mutually friendly and we kept in light but regular communication. it felt nice and made me feel like all of our relationship didnt go directly into the trash, as most break-ups do.
Fast forward about 8 months and he’s slowly ghosting me. The kind of stuff where they take a week to respond with a 3 word answer. I know he’s probably in a new relationship and while i didnt ghost him during the initial days of my current relationship, I remained patient. but after more than a month of this, i’m starting to feel silly.
Anyways, I realized that just about every time i get into these friendships with my ex, it results in them using it as a tool to get attention while they’re lonely and then dip when they aren’t. I’m starting to feel this way about him too but am wondering if I’m just viewing it through a viewpoint that may be unhealthy.
If anyone out there is truly friends with your ex, what does it look like for you? does it matter if they bounce in and out of the picture?
Comments
I’m friends with my ex. We’re neighbors and get together a few times a week to hang out, watch shows we like together, smoke weed, etc. We help each other with the same stuff any friends or family would, and we parent my kids together (this ex is not their legal parent, so that isn’t required, it’s chosen). We’re colleagues and help each other with all sorts of professional things. We’ve each gotten the other hired more than once. We spend holidays together and have an annual camping trip for the youngest kiddo’s birthday.
I have definitely been on the other side of slow fading some ex I didn’t actually want to be friends with because they wanted to be friends and I felt obligated (this was before I learned that boundaries are allowed). The difference between those situations and the one in which we are actually friends is that the ex I’m friends with has significantly more in common with me than the others and we were friends for years before we got together.