I asked my fiancé today about the wife, kids and mom question (priority) and he answered that his answer is 1- mom 2- wife and 3- children, which surprised me a lot tbh, since I always was told I was a priority. He after asked me what my priorities are and I said 1- husband 2- children and 3- mom. He stopped for a moment and was repeating it and saying that it was a hard question to ask. I was quiet for a while just thinking about his answer and he suddenly changed it to the same order as mine which made me even more confused. Have you asked your partner this question before and felt disappointed with the answer given? I feel like I’m overreacting a little, but it did disappoint me.
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do not marry this man.
Honestly I do think you are overreacting and personally I think these kinds of questions are dumb.
A question like that has so many ways to be interpreted and factors that would affect it and how someone answers that it isn’t really a good question to take to heart as meaning anything significant. To get a real understanding of what someone thinks you would need to dive much deeper into why he answered that way rather than what he answered
Ask him who his emergency contact is at work. If it’s still his mom and not you, he’s not ready to commit to you.
Don’t marry him. You won’t have a happy marriage if mommy keeps the umbilical cord attached. Give him back the ring and make a quick exit.
Oof.
I don’t think you’re overreacting, but I definitely think you should have an open and honest conversation about this with him. Clarify his answer and his why and then express your concerns. You’re only engaged now, but once you get married and have kids (if that’s in the plan) it’ll be much harder to navigate. This could potentially cause some serious issues down the line. NOW is the time to have these tough conversations and iron these kinds of things out.
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Why do couples insist on asking these “test” questions? Do some folks like to torture themselves and others?
🤦♀️
The fact that he put his own mother in front of his OWN CHILDREN is a huge flag in of itself. Do not marry this man. You will be making a huge mistake.
He’s now told you what his priorities are. And I bet you if you looked back honestly he’s showed you too.
He’s telling you some important information that you should not disregard. If you don’t think you can live under those conditions, don’t marry him. Don’t try to talk yourself into it, either. You’ll be unhappy. You’ve been warned!
🚩🚩🚩
Don’t marry this man. You don’t what someone who will put his mother above his family.
Why do y’all ask questions like this and then get mad when you don’t care for the answer. You’re not his wife yet and he has no children with you.
Priorities change after marriage and kids, not before.
Don’t play silly games with people.
It’s a stupid question.
Priorities have to be made based on circumstance.
Let’s say you had a bad day at work, your kid is home with the flu, and his mom just got taken to the ER for a heart attack.
You get over yourself and take care of kid and he goes to ER for mom assuming you’re close.
A month later, your kid breaks his arm, mom is having a bad day, you have the flu. He should prioritize kid, then you, then mom.
This is one of those play stupid games things.
Absolutely unacceptable, next thing you know he won’t love you if you’re a worm 🚩🚩🚩
Wow, his kids are 3rd on the list…
Children. Spouse. Mom.
Period.
How’s your relationship with his mom? Because she’s going to be an equal participant in your marriage.
Do not marry this man!
And am I wrong because I would’ve said kids, husband, Mom.
Everyone telling you not to marry this man is actually insane lmao
Don’t get married at 22.
He knows that you are temporary but his mother will always be there for him. Smart guy
Before you freak out, he probably has never been asked or thought of this before, so continue to talk about this topic. Have him read these comments.
Your list is definitely correct.
I’m judging you for prioritizing your husband first ahead of your kids.
It could be that he told you what you wanted to hear after you pointed it out. Or maybe he honestly hadn’t ever thought of it and found your ideas compelling. You won’t be able to tell just from talking about it.
Generally, if you have a reasonable MIL, she won’t force the issue so it won’t be an issue. But if she insists on getting his attention and being in the center of his life- marriage to him is a bad idea.
Have a serious talk with him if it’s bothering you.
People say it’s a dumb question, but sometimes questions like this show you where your partner mindset is.
Honestly, it’s a sociopath question. There is literally no good answer and no benefit to asking it. I’ll warrant his answer is messed up and probably suggests an incompatibility, but your asking it in the first place doesn’t reflect well on you (nor, by the way, does prioritizing your spouse who can presumably take care of himself over your still theoretical children who can’t).
Wow I’m married with three kids and both of ours are 1) kids 2) each other …… way distant 3) extended family. Including moms.
It’s a stupid question. Why did you ask it? Has he shown you that he puts his mom first? Are there on going issues with her butting in?
Also for arguments sake let’s say you get married and have kids. While the kids are young are you actually going to ALWAYS put your husband before your babies?
Questions like this don’t matter what matters is how a person acts. If you are having issues with his mom they are NOT going to go away.
You guys are all fukn insane and it goes to show why the automatic reaction in every post on this sub is “leave them” y’all need therapy holy shit
Wish him future happiness with mommy-wife ánd end this relationship.
Why are you asking your husband such a ridiculous question? All three are important ffs.
Why the hell are there still people being engaged at 22 years old? Why do so many people think we live in the 1400s?
Stupid question. You’re not even married yet, so yeah, his mom may be number 1 right now. You’re probably 1A. Kids aren’t even in the equation yet, so everything is hypothetical. When my wife and I got together in our early 20s, mom 1, girlfriend/now wife 2 and I didn’t even want kids. 25 years later, kids 1 (3 kids), wife 2, mom 3. Unless you never have kids, the spouse will probably always be #2 and me as a husband and father, totally understands that.
The amount of people screaming at you to not marry your fiancé is mind blowing lol. Misery loves company, man. You know these people aren’t married or engaged because they wouldn’t be saying such a crazy statement based on absolutely nothing valid. They answer this way because they cannot relate haha. He probably just wasn’t really thinking. It’s a silly little hypothetical situational question and not real life. I’m sure he takes care of you and you guys love each other and you’re happy or you wouldn’t be engaged. Please don’t listen to these people that know nothing about you at all and say “do not marry this man” like they are some all knowing oracle or something lol. That’s really so wild. He even changed his answer after you talked to him about how you would answer it.
Children, Mom, Spouse…… not many people split from their children or mom…. If your guy cheats on you your pet hamster would be above him on your list..
RUN
I think that you made your priorities in the order of somebody who hasn’t had children yet. Once you have children you’ll know that they become the number one spot and then the husband is number two. There’s just something that happens when you share a bloodstream with another person.
Well, does he have a wife and kids yet?
And unless all 3 are dying at the same time, this is a stupid question. There are times when his mom might need priority, or you do, and definitely the kids.
Life isn’t black and white like these silly little tests are. Are you telling me that if your husband is cranky from work, but your kid is sick in the hospital, you won’t prioritize your kid?
So, ex fiance? Because he’s telling you you aren’t his priority. You don’t marry a boy like that.
Don’t. Do not. Nyet. Nein. Nao. Etc etc etc
The whole endgame of a parent is to see kids able to build and support themselves through personal and communal means outside of immediate family. His mommy isn’t going to be there wiping his ass when he’s 80, that’s gonna be you. His mommy isn’t going to be there for the majority of his adult life, you are. It’s totally fine to keep her included and supported when it’s genuinely needed, but his life should take precedence. I’m just a stepmother and even I know that.
Believe him. Do not think he’ll change after the wedding.
He won’t. This is your chance to leave and call it a lucky escape. Who the fuck put his mom before his own future kids???
That was his spontaneous reply, likely without putting any real thought into it. If his actions are respectful and your relationship with MIL is fine then you should be all good.
Oh hell no.
Boy bye.
This question is such a gotcha trap. You can prioritize all 3. That being said he also answered poorly.
Why the fuck would you put husband above kids, though, you’re both unhinged, just in different ways.
It’s always kids, spouse, and then parents. I frankly do not trust anyone who does any order besides that.
People telling her to break up with him over how he answered a stupid question, like they know anything about their relationship and the man lololol
These questions r so stupid but putting spouse or parent before ur KIDS is nuts. Neither of u r ready to get married or procreate. Grow up then revisit lmao