I think I know the response that I’ll get from this, but here we go. My fiancée (25M) and I (23F) have been together for 3 years. We just got engaged in July. In the beginning of our relationship, he had messaged other women to which they reached out to me. I confronted him and told him that I would be leaving if this happened again. Flash forward a year and it happens again, but I still didn’t leave. We have 3 dogs together, we live together, our families are close, etc.. It’s hard. I told him again that I was serious about leaving. Unfortunately, last night I found a message request from LAST NOVEMBER. She told me the same thing as the others. He has just attempted and all of these women have reached out to me and he’s been caught. It just leaves me wondering, who didn’t find out about me? I don’t think he’s physically cheated, but he’s definitely flirted and said things like “I want to prove how pretty you are” to one of the ladies. I don’t want to leave, but this can’t be happening to me years down the road. Do I leave him?
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Yeah, you need to get out. How many other “hey girly” messages do you want to receive?
I’m sorry, it may be hard to hear this, but I’ll be short – Leave. You saying you’ll leave and not leaving has probably just encouraged him to continue ‘getting away with it’. Eventually it’ll get physical. Eventually it’ll destroy your relationship. The longer you leave it, the more it will hurt, I think. Best of luck to you. No one deserves to be cheated on and anyone who cheats is undeserving of true love.
Girl, he physically cheated. The attempt is enough. There are more women you dont know about. Take your stuff and your dogs. Keep the evidence. Don’t let him keep putting you through this youre worth more.
If you don’t leave, it’ll never stop. Especially now that he knows there are zero consequences to cheating. Honey, leave him. And figure out why you don’t think you deserve more. Because you do. 💕
Good thing no one pays you to think OP. You’ve got some real maturing to do here, and until then, you’ll be played like a Fiddle 🎻. Tough love, you need to step back and look at it from another’s perspective. Don’t be a laughing stock, but be a voice with a decisive voice.
> I don’t want to leave, but this can’t be happening to me years down the road.
It can. It will. Those who reached out are only the ones who had it within them to do you a favor. Everyone else who didn’t reach out? You’ll never know, but surely you can understand the implication? The only question is how often he’s done this.
> I confronted him and told him that I would be leaving if this happened again. Flash forward a year and it happens again, but I still didn’t leave.
There we go. No consequences = nothing changes. He called your bluff, he knew the consequences were never coming.
Do you want to live with, build more of an entwined life with, and/or have a family with someone you don’t trust? If you say anything other than no, why don’t you feel like you deserve loyalty as the bare minimum?
He “tries” to cheat on you once a year and has shown no genuine remorse or desire to change. Trying to cheat is just as bad as cheating. And you only know about the ones who told you. Why do you want to change? Who the f cares if your family gets along? YOU need to deal with his cheating. Not his or your parents.
Separation from him now is a LOT easier than divorce. He does not care to change and he won’t.
Get yourself tested for STDs. Leave before you have an oops baby because you already seem to think what you have means you can’t leave. A baby or marriage makes it that much harder.
Yeah. You wasted 3 years already done waste more. He has shown you multiple times who he is FFS believe him.
This falls under the “Burn me once,shame on you. Burn me twice,shame on me.” category.
You said I “told him that I would be leaving if this happened again.”
It did and you didn’t. So you taught him that he can do whatever he likes because there are no consequences.
Normal men do not behave this way because normal men would face serious consequences if they did. You need to seek counseling for yourself after you leave Lothario Jr. You need to take at least half the time you were with him to just be alone and rediscover who you used to be. In other words your actual self.
THEN,and only then,you will be ready to reenter the dating arena.
glgf
Leave, talk your self respect and go find someone who wants to commit to you. You deserve that at a minimum.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I don’t know how many times you need to do things but I hope that’s enough
Keep getting more and more domestic yet you know the score. Obviously he isn’t going to change, and getting engaged knowing what you do? I question your life choices dear. It’s time to find some self esteem, and get out of this mess before it gets worse! He disrespects you, your feelings, and your relationship. It’s beyond time to hit reset on your life. I understand that unraveling this mess will not be easy. But neither is divorce
You aren’t married or have kids yet. Find someone who will be loyal.
Leopards don’t change their spots
No, you stay like a sad little doormat and let him bring home every sexually transmitted disease on Earth. You just take it and take it, never grow up, never grow a spine, destroy any sense of value or self worth you ever had, and then gave kids with tgem so your children can have the example if a weak, spinless, worthless woman whose husband doesn’t respect her because she doesnt respect herself, as their role model.
And then you spend your middle aged years whining and crying bitterly WHEN HE DUMPS YOU ANYWAY for some other stupid little girl who will be your age now, when you are 40.
Live the dream of a jellyfish.
5*0 is 0
450*0 is 0
65799299*0 is 0
At this point this is very much a you problem? Why do you stay and why do you think you deserve this treatment. It doesn’t matter how much you love him. If he doesn’t love you back your result will be 0.
I’m not sure why you’re here because you’re determined to stay with him because you have three dogs and an apartment together, but if you’re going to stay, at least don’t marry him. Also, a baby won’t fix this relationship so don’t get pregnant with this cheater. .
What the fuck. Yes leave him!!!! You’ve had plenty of examples to see why you never forgive a cheater.
He’s a serial cheater, how many more women is he successfully cheating with that don’t inform you?
Time to respect yourself, he doesn’t.
Break up
Just leave.
Like you said how many girls didn’t reach out to you? He has proven what type of person he is. You deserve better.
I think you need to think about what staying will do to your self esteem. You’ll leave eventually regardless….the longer you wait to do so, the more damage to your self esteem.
Of course you leave him! Boundaries are no good if you don’t follow through with them. You told him if you caught him messaging other women again, you would leave. He did it again, but you didn’t leave. He now knows that your boundaries don’t mean anything, and he can get away with cheating. What you allow will continue.
He is simply not marriage material. If you do marry him, you will spend the rest of your life getting these messages from other women.
LEAVE HIM.
If you have a shred of self respect you’ll dump this jerk immediately if not sooner.
Adulting is “hard.” You know what else will be hard? Divorce! You know what is more painful than dogs to split up? Kids! Your families only want you both to be happy and successful. They could care less who you do that with…in many cases. You have to do what is best for YOU here. Don’t be a doormat.
Please. This is embarrassing.
You can stay, but there’s literally nothing you can do to stop him cheating. He won’t change until he wants to change. He won’t want to change until not changing hurts. I don’t think you breaking up with him will hurt enough for him to change. I think he’ll need more than one relationship to fall apart before he will even consider changing for good.
Break up and don’t go backwards. No matter what he promises. He’s not ready for serious relationships yet.
You know if you stay if will be happening all the time. I mean, if you’re engaged and he’s not worried about you leaving when there are no real strings attached then when you are married with kids he knows he can do whatever he wants. Be realistic. He’s a shitheel.
> I don’t think he’s physically cheated
Not from a lack of trying.
And sounds like you only know about the ones who have reached out to you.
> Do I leave him?
Yes.
Don’t say anything, make a plan to leave and try to get away as far as possible.
If you stay you are choosing to stay with a serial cheater who will cheat on you every opportunity. You deserve better than that.