Hi all,
I [25M] make about 1600–1750€/month, my fiancée [28F] makes around 3000€/month. Even though she earns more, I actually spend more on daily stuff like groceries, outings, and sometimes even her shopping. That leaves me with little to no savings.
She’s been pushing me to switch careers and chase my dream job because I’m stressed and unhappy at my current job. The problem is I can’t afford the risk, I don’t have a financial cushion. Meanwhile, she comes from a wealthy family: her dad bought her an apartment, later gave her the money from its sale after she decided to live abroad. To her that’s normal, but for me it’s not.
I feel stuck, maybe even taken advantage of, because she wants me to make moves I literally can’t afford.
How do I explain this imbalance without it turning into resentment?
Comments
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lol she gets to shop on your dime and you spend more day to day stuff for you guys and she makes more? Doesn’t sound right
I mean, it’s not a bad thing that she’s pushing you to earn more and advance in your career, it’s for your own good. But she’s 3 years older, and she’s had more time and chances to build her career and go for a better job. Is it possible for you to start saving some money in your current job? So when you save some money you can change jobs?
Why are you paying for more of the groceries? Doesn’t seem fair?
She doesn’t understand your situation because she’s only ever known having enough and not being afraid of something doesn’t work out. She never even had think about how to afford an apartment. Which is why she does not understand what she is doing when you are paying for stuff or her shopping, because she does not even think about that part, money is just there.
STOP paying for her shopping, that part is ridiculous regardless of circumstances. Have a solid conversation with her explaining your circumstances and with her earning more than you, you cannot continue to pay her share for a lot of stuff. She pays for her own and you share everything else equally or take turns on paying (and she HAS to pay when it’s her turn, no you accidentally paying every time with this model, just stop it), because you need to be able to save as you cannot rely on family for support if you are suddenly without work or an opportunity does not work out. You want to go for that job, but you need to build your savings in order to afford it, and you want to build a future.
Don’t blame her or be condescending, but make sure she understands. Because she has not ever even given it a second thought. But that does not change the fact that you a being very stupid in this situation and need to change things so your own future can be better, and that by extension is also her future.
Well try taking the risk thats what i would suggest because if you dont you wont be happy moving forward but if you switch the career and failed since she is your fiancee you can fall back to her for financial support and since she’s from a wealthy family it wont be a problem right. I dont know about your situation but if i were you that’s what i would
You need to get some self respect and talk to her about this.
Then don’t change jobs. Sweetie think about yourself
Before you can even think about swutching careers, you gotta figure out your shared finances. First, set a budget for food costs. If you do all the grocery shopping, you do so with shared money. Either she sends you half of the costs each time or you shop with a shared food account that you both contribute to. Second, you pay a maximum of half of utilities and other household costs. Then you put everything else into savings. If you want to, change careers or study. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. But your salary isn’t much. Could you provide for yourself If you weren’t together? If that’s a yes, I don’t see an issue. You don’t have to earn more and more jst because you could possibly do so. I can just pay for myself and have a lil bit of savings. I’m doing fine. I don’t need more money.
Perhaps u are looking at it wrong…maybe she is pushing you because she sees your potential and also that you are stuck in miserable in your job now and if you don’t know that puts stress on a relationship. So instead of looking at it like she is just nagging you, maybe she wants to see you happy and successful in your dream jobbecause she cares…idk truthfully but have to find the good and positive stuff sometimes..best of luck!
Edit..I really need to read some comments before I post stuff hahahaha!