Relationship of 3 years. I am very conflicted on what to do with my boyfriend. We moved in together this past year and I’m conflicted on if I should stay with him and renew our lease when the time comes. He is the kindest soul I’ve ever met, and has supported me through lots of difficult things and a recent tragedy that occurred. I love everything about him and see a future with him. A major conflict we are having though is regarding financials. When we moved in together we agreed on a set amount of $ we’d each contribute to rent. I pay more due to a higher salary which I’m perfectly fine with. I would say half of the time we’ve owed rent I’ve covered a large majority of the rent he’s owed and he never fully pays me back. We had a large discussion about this, and initially I saw a positive change, he was working overtime etc, but now I feel like I’m back to square one again paying for rent. I also have been covering other utility expenses most of the time as well in addition to rent. I’ve expressed it’s not fair and he needs to figure out a new career plan/job where financial needs can be met. He’s considering looking into trade school which is a great option, but I’m just conflicted and have heard no follow up regarding a plan. I know he’s been applying for other jobs, but they’re pretty random job options. No set career path. I feel like my conversation was initially taken very seriously and he stepped it up, and things went backwards once again. I also wish he had extra money just to take me out to a nice dinner sometimes. I feel like that’s not asking for much. He also recognizes and mentions he feels bad he can’t take me out more. He used to, and now he can’t. I pay for us when we go out most of the time, but it’d be nice to have it reciprocated more often. It’d just feel nice. I know a lot of people might say to end the relationship, but I want to hear other insights or opinions as well if there’s other options out there. I was thinking of having one more large discussion since we still have a decent amount of time left on our lease. Thanks in advance!!
TLDR : my boyfriend isn’t contributing his fair share towards bills and I’m not sure what approach to take since we’ve already had a large discussion about this. We still have a lot of time left on our lease so I want to try to make things work, but I’m not sure how or what approach to take?
Comments
I think having one more serious discussion is fair, but you need to make it clear to him that this is a dealbreaker for you (him having a goal for his own future career wise and begin actively pursuing that goal). But you need to follow through if (and honestly, more likely when) that doesn’t happen and move on with your life.
Before and during that conversation, I think you need to begin facing the reality that there’s a very strong likelihood this never changes and you’re just incompatible.