I am coming here because I cannot go with this to my parents, due to extremely religious upbringing I am not allowed to date but I reached my 30s and I left that environment and wanted to give love a chance. Currently I regret doing so.
I am going through my first breakup, I am a late bloomer in my 30s. I love that guy with all my heart but he gave up on me and our relationship because our conflict resolution during arguments was poor and he did not want to work with me to fix it.
In his mind he feels that if people are a good fit there should be no major arguments. I do not know if that is how a healthy relationship is but I wanted to try to find a way that we could resolve disagreements without arguing. I grew up in a dysfunctional household where I endured domestic abuse and other negative things. However, I was willing to work hard to be a good partner. It was often his way or the high way so he would set the rules and if I did not want to comply he would tell me there are other guys out there who could fulfill my needs. I thought he loved me and I did not ask for much just asked if he could do something nice the next valentines day (after giving him gifts for two valentines in a row and getting nothing) or if he could get me flowers some time. He would do nice stuff but only things he wanted to do and include me in them and pay for it which is generous of him but whenever I spoke of something I would like (like the examples given prior) he would refuse to do it. I did not understand why, I thought these are cheaper than some of the stuff he pays for. I stopped asking for it, I stopped asking for things but I noticed he started being more distracted in the relationship and I started feeling he did not love me. Eventually he broke up with me.
I feel hurt, I feel stupid. I feel that I gave everything to someone who threw it away. My heart is broken, I cry all day. I struggle to eat, to work, to exist. I am in so much pain. He says since the breakup he has been having better days with no need to feel guilty or have any obligations.
Did I ask for too much? I am in so much pain. Every day I hope I have the strength to exist and at night I hope I have the strength to face the next day. I don’t sleep well, I see dreams of us together again then wake realizing it is not real and can’t sleep anymore but cry. I don’t eat well. I also lost access to his family and pets I had bonded with.
I need some encouragement. I am broken.
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It hurts. You need to self care and mourn. You will need to ultimately realize that you aren’t really mourning the relationship you had but the possibility of the one you wanted to have. That will probably require therapy because you simply don’t have the tools and experience to muddle through on your own.
Not your parent as were about the same age but I’ve had my fair share of relationships and it sounds like this man stopped trying a long time ago. I’m sorry you’re hurting but you do not want to give anymore of your life to someone who doesn’t appreciate it. I know it’s not what you want but there are in fact plenty of fish in the sea and one who will love you the way he should. You did not ask for too much as little tokens of affection are the bare minimum imo. Hang in there it’ll pass.
All couples argue sometimes. Arguing is normal and okay. But this man clearly wasn’t the right fit for you. He wasn’t giving you what you needed from the relationship.
Everything you’re feeling is totally normal. Breakups are so hard. Especially your first one! The pain can feel so intense it seems like you won’t survive it. But you will!
Stop talking to your ex. Try therapy, if you haven’t already. Sounds like you have a lot to unpack in general and doing so will help you in your personal life and in your next relationship.
It’s all gonna be okay. Time is the only way to heal. In the meantime, be sure to do something nice for yourself every day 🙂
You didn’t ask for too much sometimes its just not the right person. A person who loves would do things you ask them to because they want to see you happy especially something simple and within their actual ability to do. If you asked for something they can’t do for whatever reason a person who loves you would tell you why they can’t in that moment or what they could do instead and help compromise.