FJNMIL says she “can’t get excited” about our wedding because it’s two years away.

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My fiancé and I got engaged two years ago and are planning on getting married August ‘26. We wanted to give it some time so we can save up for the wedding (plus other life things like a new car, the next eventual house, dream holidays, etc.).

It’s meant that we could book with our dream venue on our 10th anniversary, and so far we’ve managed to snag all of our preferred vendors. For us, it’s made the process so relaxing and damn-near perfect.

I don’t get on with my JNFMIL. She’s tactless and has some traits that feel quite aligned with narcissism (she’s not diagnosed or anything but she’s always making things about herself and her feelings to the point of causing issues in the family etc.), who still sees her sons as her perfect kids. I am civil to her for my fiancé’s benefit so he doesn’t feel caught in the middle. I’m strong enough that I can tough it out and pick my battles, and hardly see her anyway. Luckily I’ve played the game tactically enough so that she actually seems to kind of like me, so she’ll not do anything to try and sabotage my relationship (if she does she’d risk losing her son anyway).

Despite this, fiancé has been trying to get her involved in our planning by sharing some light details, so she doesn’t go crying that we’ve left her out. However, when he first started discussing what our venue was like over a quick one-on-one catch-up call, she straight up said “I just don’t feel like I can get excited about your wedding because it’s so far away,” he ended the call pretty quickly after that. When he got home, I could feel my fiancé’s disappointment and upset after he told me she said this, and I felt absolutely livid. Like, who the hell says something like this? That’s so hurtful!

Because of her little stunt, we’re putting her on an info diet now (not that she asks after our wedding much anyway), and I have not invited her to go wedding dress shopping, nor plan on doing so for any of the fittings, etc. I was going to ask as a nice gesture as she has no daughters, but now when I think about doing anything related to the wedding with her, the back of my head screams “I just don’t feel like I can get excited about your wedding because it’s so far away.” it’s such a turn-off. I don’t want her near me as much as possible on the day.

She already messed up not being able to help plan her only other kid’s wedding because she didn’t want to feel like she was “overstepping” (even though she’s a serial boundary stomper) even though they were trying to get her involved. She then created a drama about the MOG dress where she struggled to find something. She tried to go for a dress that has a lot of white on it, FSIL shot it down, so then FJNMIL ends up saying “you’ve still got time to decide if you actually want me in the wedding.” like she’s the victim. She’s always the damn victim.

But suddenly she’s recently said she really wants to go MOG dress shopping out of absolutely nowhere! I really do not want to do this with her because I don’t want to open the door for her to create drama again. I’m planning on just letting that be a mother-son experience if I can help it. Afterwards I can just look at a photo of the approved dress and go “oh yes very nice”, and say nothing more.

I feel so disappointed and angry at this, because it’s hurt my fiancé, and out of nowhere she’s interested again? Now she’s asking about cake flavours, and I just don’t want to talk about it. She’s been the only source of stress and I’m trying to tactically deal with her on the day. This may be crossing into manipulative JustNo territory for me, but here is how I’m planning on playing the game:

1. Not have her getting ready with me. I have said that it’s more traditional, and means that she’s freer to spend some personal time with FH and FBIL in the morning, and she can take her time. In reality, it keeps her and her drama away from me.
2. Seat his family on the opposite side FH is going to stand. I will say that this is so our own families can see our faces as we take our vows, which is a beautiful idea. In reality, I hope it will stop that moment of JNFMIL stood up trying claw at FH’s shoulder whilst absolutely sobbing as I’m walking down the aisle (she pulled this at FBIL’s wedding and I convulsed, she couldn’t have just stayed still and let the bride and groom have that moment, could she?), because she would straight up have to walk across the aisle to try that.
3. Have a sweetheart table. This means FH and I can talk freely and have a private moment talking about how the wedding is going and soaking in being newlyweds. We read that brides and grooms hardly have a moment to themselves on the day. In reality, she’ll be sat at a different table, and I’ll try and get her facing away from us if possible.

I feel manipulative as hell doing this, but it’s the only way I can think of to deal with her and make the day as relaxing as possible for me whilst still letting FH have his personal time with his mother to placate her.

What do you guys think of my plan, and this situation in general? Do you think there’s anything else I can do to “play the game” or have I done enough already?