I just turned 18. I lived with my mom and stepdad from age 7 to 16. He was never a bad person, but we never built any kind of emotional bond. It was clear between us that he wasn’t my father and I wasn’t his son. We just coexisted no abuse, but no affection either.
My biological father wasn’t present much either. After he divorced my mom, he was barely in my life. A couple of years ago, he reached out saying he wanted to reconnect. He told me he had been saving all the child support money because he didn’t trust my mom to give it to me, and he gave it all directly to me. That didn’t erase the pain, but I decided to give him a chance and get to know him.
At 15, I started staying at the sports academy where I train, and by 16 I was living there full time. During that time, my stepdad didn’t show much interest in me until there were rumors I might get signed. Then he suddenly started offering rides to games and bought me cleats, but he still kept his distance emotionally.
Thankfully, I got signed. I didn’t tell anyone my plans, but I had decided to buy my mom a house. I also bought a car for my biological dad, who works as a taxi driver.
When my stepdad found out, he blocked me everywhere and started telling people I was ungrateful. He said I lived in his house, ate his food, and did nothing for him. My mom supported him and told me I disrespected her husband, her house, and her family, and that I’m “just like my father.” That hurt me more than I can say.
To make things worse, some of my stepdad’s relatives — people who were never mean to me, but were never involved either started commenting on my academy’s social media, calling me untrustworthy and ungrateful.
I honestly don’t think my stepdad has a right to be upset. He never treated me like his son. I didn’t hate him, but I never felt like he was emotionally part of my life. I chose to help my biological dad not because he was perfect, but because I wanted to give him a chance and felt it was right.
Still, now I’m starting to wonder was I wrong?
Comments
NTA, step dad showed his true colors and so did your mom
NTA, you did what you felt like doing. Your dad showed up when the stepdad didn’t.
Nobody should judge you for a decision that you made!
NTA. Not sure why stepdad is complaining, you bought your mom, his wife, a house to live in.
NTA. Congrats on getting signed! But yeah, your step-dad is an ass. Only showing interest when there were rumors you’d be signed. He just wanted to get in on your money. Its awesome you bought your mom a house and your bio-dad a car. I don’t know what your step-dad was thinking. You didn’t disrespect him and it’s sad your mom is defending him but don’t let them gaslight you into buying him some extravagant gift.
That your stepdad provided you food, housing, etc. is what he is supposed to do anyways both morally and legally.
He only gave you extra attention when he thought that he could get something out of it.
Nta. It’s your money.
Did mom say thank you? Or give back the car you’ve bought her?
What did he exactly want? $100k for raising you? How much was the house you bought your mom? What exactly does he want? He never raised you as his kid, just some kid. (Edit, just read your house comment)
It’s as if, even if you did buy him something, or helped him ….it wouldn’t be enough.
He would start crap, because your dad is in your life, and that’s a big “No-No”, for them.
They want to control your life, and your pocket.
Distance yourself, and read up on financial literacy (budgeting, etc.), and human psychology. Because, welcome to the jungle.
So you bought your mom a house and he’s so ungrateful that he has to put you down? Shalom you’re loved 💔
Doesn’t step dad get to live on new house with mom?
NTA. Your mom isn’t a good mom at all. She’s just as bad as your step dad. I wouldn’t give her anything
I’m a Certified Financial Planner©️and make sure you go find a fiduciary planner to help you not run out of money. Build a budget, save for your future, sports and the big bucks eventually come to an end. Be smart. Don’t be a pro athlete statistic that goes broke. I’m so excited for you!! Good luck dude!
If you buy the house if they ever get divorced half that house goes to him do something nice for her personally that he can’t take away
I think it would have been good to show some appreciation towards the stepfather, considering that he did support you growing up, but the harassment is absurd. And wouldn’t he benefit from the house you will (was gonna?) give to your mom?
NTA for doing stuff for bio dad and not step dad.
BUT you and your dad are assholes for not giving your mom child support. Child support isn’t supposed to just be for the fun stuff kids need/want, it’s also used to assist in housing, heat, clothes, water…all the shit your mom and yes, your step dad paid for. They probably paid out for whatever sport you’ve mastered to get signed in. Parents who say they don’t trust their ex with the child support are deadbeat, delusional, and the asshole.
NTA but I wouldn’t trust your bio dad. His move of saving the child support bc he didn’t trust your mother seems like his way of manipulating you and punishing your mom through control. It seems like he didn’t try to have any relationship with you until he could give an fu to your mom by contacting you and having a relationship without doing any of the parenting.
That’s what always gets me in these situations. He wants to reconnect when the parenting is easier he skipped out and got to skip right back in (maybe I just hold a grudge longer). Your mom, and a little bit your step dad, did the actual parenting. They don’t deserve an award for that which is why they are being aholes right now. But your dad honestly just seems ugh to me. And I can understand if your mom has some sort of feeling about your relationship with him. Especially, if she gets punished more than him for screwing up. Because she has screwed up here.
Idk ur step dad isnt great, but I don’t trust your dad either and I am on the fence about your mom. But seriously you don’t owe anyone monetarily (you and your mom may owe each other a real conversation about your relationships and feelings tho) and please get financial advice from an expert. And make sure you understand what they are doing so they can’t take advantage of you.
Edit: OK the more I thought about this I have just got to say your dad is an ahole. You can and should have a relationship with him if you want to, but he’s mean. Child support is for food, clothing, rent, school supplies, sports equipment (which is not cheap) etc. For him to withhold that from your mom, and yes if she was paying for everything, by extension your step dad, only to waltz in and give it to you, as basically a bribe was a dick move. It was a power play and move to show your mom he still had control.
Parents, including your mom and step-dad should not require props for giving you food and everything, it is their job. But your mom and step dad using that argument in this situation I kinda get because of what your dad did. Your mom was probably pissed your dad did that.
Did they have lean years where it was hard to have you in school and sports? I can definitely see resentment festering in them. especially your mom, after your dad’s actions and then the fact that you just let it happen. Which honestly wasnt your fault, you were a kid, but this shouldn’t have even been an issue except your dad pulled a crappy move that involved a child in adult issues.
Have you ever said to him the child support was for my mom to help raise me? Or defend her at all? Child support is not meant to be a savings account for the kid it is to help raise them. And your dad doesn’t get to decide how your mom spends HER child support Everything happening now, is probably just the last straw for them.
Honestly, again you can have a relationship with your dad and what your step dad did was a jerk move. But I do think you owe your mom a real conversation especially about your dad. Now if you guys have done that and still they are being petty then so be it. Or if she was a bad mom then whatever. But seriously be careful with your dad.
NTA. But your bio father should have paid child support, in some places, legally he would’ve had to pay your mother back as she and your step dad basically fronted all the costs. Why didn’t your mother pursue child support?
NTA your mom and stepdad (and his extended family) suck big time.
NTA, and your dad was absolutely right regarding the child support, judging by your mom’s response to him getting a car (while she and her equally vile husband got a whole fucking house) from you.
Of course you’re not wrong! You didn’t owe your stepdad anything, and you still don’t now!!! Tell him to go fuck himself & speak to whoever’s in charge at the academy. Maybe they can remove the comments, and maybe even send a cease & desist to the loser your mom married! You should cut her off too, and I would take back the house if I were you. Clearly, it’s not good enough!!!! She supports the AH who’s launched a smear campaign against you, along with his loser family! Also, what did your stepdad expect?!?! A parade? His own house???? It makes no sense, and he’s a fucking moron because why would you do anything for him now that he’s behaved like a petulant AH child??!?!??! Ughhhh bunch of absolute LOSERS!!!!!
It’s a good thing your dad saved your child support for you specifically! Looks like he knows your mom has a habit of putting everyone first BEFORE her own son!!!! Please just remember: you can’t buy her love.
Him giving YOU the money doesn’t satisfy what he owed your MOM because she had the expense of raising you. Your bio sounds like a deadbeat who now wants to glory without doing the work.
When you mature, you will figure that out.
Yta. He took care of you for years. You’d not be where your at without his help.
So I’m conflicted because you did have a roof over your head with stepdad and mom. Your bio dad was never around so you doing something kind for him and not for stepdad is kinda esh for me. If you are able to, show your appreciation for all 3 and then close this chapter of your life.
You can move forward without having to think about this again.
Congratulations to you! This is all your hard work and dedication.
NTA. But your mom is disappointing. Good for you on still wanting to buy her a house. Either keep it in your name or put a clause that it can’t be sold without your approval.
NTA – Save the money you were going to use on your mom and put it in a 5 year CD. See how things look then.
As for you Stepdad – write him off.
You can buy a house keep it in your name but let your mom live in it
Take your mum out to dinner alone. Explain your thoughts and feelings and how hurt you are by her comments and supporting step dad actions.
Explain that you were going to gift them something (don’t say what as they’ll suddenly be all super nice) but there actions without speaking to you has caused doubts.
That you need to be reassured you’re still loved and her son etc
(Side note I’d buy the house in your name and let them live there. Estate planning, advised by a professional to do so excuse if asked)
So you’re dad dipped, skipped out on child support because “he was afraid you wouldn’t get it” 🙄 (spoiler: every child support judge in this country has heard that exact same tired ass sorry excuse from every deadbeat dad who walked this earth), but it’s all good now? Kid, do you have any idea what it cost to raise a child? And that creature was fine with your mother and another man shouldering that cost, for what, spite? He should be ashamed of himself. For painting himself as some hero while allowing another man to pay his responsibilities. But you’re all good with him? Daddy’s all good cause he gave you some cash? I bet what he gave you was a pittance compared to the actual cost your mother paid of raising you. Your mother by all Rights, should have sued him for YOUR supportive care, but clearly she chose to be the bigger person and not to stir that pot. Her husband may not deserve anything in your mind, but your sperms donor has some damn nerve to come out of the woodwork now that the real work of raising you is over.
He should be happy you’re buying your mom a house.
Does he not live in the house you got your mother?!
What more does he want?
NTA
NTA. Take the house back from your mother too since apparently you are “so disrespectful”.. Continue to grow and keep your plans to yourself. Build, invest wisely, and focus on progressing your life. None of these people are needed and if they care so much. Maybe one day they can read all about their trash behavior in a book or interview you do down the line.
I wish you nothing but the best of luck!
Don’t buy her the house She’s on his side not yours Bio dad didn’t give her the money for a reason yet he had it all and gave it to you
INFO: Have you already bought your mom the house? Because if you haven’t, I wouldn’t. Not now.
As for…
>He said I lived in his house, ate his food, and did nothing for him.
Yes, it’s called being a minor. You don’t owe anybody anything for doing what was legally required which was to house you, feed you, clothe you and educate you until age 18. That’s legally required of a parent and, if a parent can’t do it, they lose custody of the child.
Clearly your mother and stepdad feel that you owe them for fulfilling that legal requirement. I would not feed into that delusion.
They’re just going to feel more and more entitled to your money. Be smart. Save your money. Sports careers can end in a heartbeat. All it takes is one injury.
If you like, get your mom something really nice as a gift. Something that he can’t use. Jewelry. A couture outfit. Either of those can easily cost as much as a car.
Yta. Your biological dad bought his way in to your life. You accepted unconditionally.
I guess stepdad is living in the free house? Without having to pay rent or a mortgage? Yeah, he got quite a lot out of this deal then, and has no room to complain.
NTA.
This is confusing 🫤 if you bought your mom a house doesn’t your stepdad Live there too?
Thr worst part for me is your mom… I’m sorry to hear that such great news came with anything other than support and happiness. Talk to your Mom alone and tell her how much she hurt you. I don’t think I could ever say that to my son like that. Bu4 who knows if she has problems with her husband. That should not change how she treats her child ever. I wish you the best luck with your family and congratulations on getting signed!!!
Without all the added context you are NTA because you don’t owe your parents or their partners anything, anything you give is a bonus.
I will say I hope you mature a little and see things for what they are. You bio dad is a deadbeat. He owed you a supportive upbringing and to take responsibility for the provisions that are associated with that. He let your mother shoulder the financial and emotional responsibility for raising a child, then showed up at the cusp of adulthood with a bag of fun money (which I have no doubt pales in comparison to the actual costs of raising a child).
This is not your problem and is for the adults to sort out, I have noticed a few comments talking about how your mother should have sued etc. It seems likely to me given your comments about your dad getting paid directly as an electrician= getting cash in hand to avoid officially disclosing income and paying appropriate child support which would have meant even if your mother did sue she would not have seen the correct levels of support from him. He is an absolute deadbeat.
He isn’t the first and won’t be the last absent parent who is successfully able to whitewash their neglect. I wish you the best with your career and opportunities, but I really hope when it comes to family values you do not take after your father.