Hi guys, I (26f) got married to my husband (27m) in September of 2023, and we had our wedding ceremony/reception in September 2024. We have been together since Covid times and our marriage is going amazing and strong.
I recently had some conversations with coworkers and bosses who also had gotten married recently, and many of them were ecstatic about giving me wedding and marriage advice as I was planning my own. It was a little strange since it’s not like they’ve been married much longer than me, but I understand their excitement. A lot of them mentioned something about getting cold feet right before their wedding or that they had episodes of doubt leading up to them tying the knot. All of them were saying that this is normal and it’s a rite of passage to get married. But I didn’t feel any doubt marrying my husband, and to be honest I wouldn’t even have considered marrying if I had even a sliver of doubt about it?
I want to believe that despite their moments of doubt, these women are in happy marriages, and that getting cold feet right before their weddings are indeed a normal thing to have – and I’m the abnormal one for having no doubts about my husband lol. I guess I want to know what happened to those people who felt that and decided to proceed despite it, or called it off because of it. Thanks!
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Backup of the post’s body: Hi guys, I (26f) got married to my husband (27m) in September of 2023, and we had our wedding ceremony/reception in September 2024. We have been together since Covid times and our marriage is going amazing and strong.
I recently had some conversations with coworkers and bosses who also had gotten married recently, and many of them were ecstatic about giving me wedding and marriage advice as I was planning my own. It was a little strange since it’s not like they’ve been married much longer than me, but I understand their excitement. A lot of them mentioned something about getting cold feet right before their wedding or that they had episodes of doubt leading up to them tying the knot. All of them were saying that this is normal and it’s a rite of passage to get married. But I didn’t feel any doubt marrying my husband, and to be honest I wouldn’t even have considered marrying if I had even a sliver of doubt about it?
I want to believe that despite their moments of doubt, these women are in happy marriages, and that getting cold feet right before their weddings are indeed a normal thing to have – and I’m the abnormal one for having no doubts about my husband lol. I guess I want to know what happened to those people who felt that and decided to proceed despite it, or called it off because of it. Thanks!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I don’t know… I feel like if you have doubts then you shouldn’t get married.
I maybe should have listened to the voice in my head that had major doubts. But I was 22 and immature. My partner ended up coming out of the closet as a trans woman. I was separated by 25 and divorced by 27.
Buuut if I had done any one single thing differently in my life I wouldn’t have had my two beautiful daughters with the love of my life. It’s been a decade since I separated from my then husband. I’ve done a lot in that time! Happy to say it all worked out.
Divorced from an actual narcissist! I really wish I had been brave enough to say something and not go through with it!
I didn’t have cold feet leading to the wedding. But the proposal totally had my body in fight or flight and it took me a couple days to warm up to the idea, even though I knew it was coming eventually.
From a woman’s perspective, marriage is the biggest decision a woman can make because women tend to get more of the raw deal (see the many aita posts where a woman describes having two children: her baby and husband). Being married to the wrong person is devastating.
I perceived it as a huge risk and historically I’ve always been risk-adverse. Hence my fight or flight activating. But my now husband was very sweet about it, allowed me to talk through my anxious spiral and loved me through it. That really helped me in figuring out he was right for me. We celebrated our first anniversary back in April.
I didn’t have any reasonable doubts – just jitters, and my anxiety being all wacky like “oh no I can’t do this again”. Yes, I can, I love him and he loves me, and we’re a team, and you’re mature and sober and ready for commitment.
And I was fine, and we were fine (a bit teary!) and ultimately very glad we did it.
I did not, but we also postponed our wedding twice due to the pandemic so we were so ready. We were also together 6 years by that point.
At my second wedding (first husband was abusive) I cried up and down the aisle. When we got to the end after the ceremony I hugged my new husband. At that moment I knew I’d be OK. We’ve been Mattie’s 51 years.
I’ve found for myself that when I’m having a big life change, even when it’s good and 100% what I want that I have this brief moment where my brain does a small freak out. It’s basically saying “Whoa whoa whoa! Things are changing which means you’re going to have to make new routines and learn new things and have growing pains. This is out of our comfort zone and takes time and energy, are we sure we want to shake things up??”
Growth and change can be uncomfy, but it doesn’t mean it’s bad. So to answer your question, I had a small moment of self doubt before my wedding but it was never truly about my husband but about the growth and changes that were going to be happening in my life as I was expanding my comfort zone. To be clear, these thoughts and feelings aren’t to be confused with the red flag/alarm signal thoughts when something or someone is really not right for you.
I don’t think it’s abnormal for people to have these moments before huge life altering decisions. I also don’t think you’re abnormal for not having these thoughts as everyone processes change and growth differently.
You’re not abnormal, or maybe I am too lol, but every single friend of mine or my husband’s who have had cold feet have ended in divorce or crappy or abusive marriages.