my husband (33M) and i(30F) have been together 4 1/2 years, married 3.
my husband is a narcissist and an alcoholic. when we first got together i was his hyper fixation and he was a great partner but the alcoholism and selfishness took over. i guess i was just so blinded by his obsession of me that i never realized 1. we didn’t actually connect he was just ridulously charming and enamored with me and 2. it was actually toxic.
i don’t think he’s asked about my day in 3 years. if he he thinks he’s being criticized in anyway he lives to use the ol “well maybe i should just kill myself then huh?”
if he’s not drinking he doesn’t talk to me or acknowledge me. but when he’s drinking he’s a sloppy mess falling all over me being obsessive and weird. like if i don’t smile at him constantly when he’s drunk he will ask me a million times “you hate me don’t you?” followed by telling me he loves me a million times.
he keeps his finances seperate… which i’ve never had a problem with because with how judgy he is i don’t want him judging my statements. so we have two seperate and then a joint savings.
he has no problem buying boats and motorcycles and new toys but he recently got a dwi and says he has to pull money from our joint to pay for it…
and he’s still drinking and driving.
he can’t/wont quit drinking (he’s tried).
he doesn’t believe in therapy.
and when he tries to “change” it lasts maybe an hour.
anyways i know i need to leave him. but im self employed in the beauty industry and just had to completely start over in a new city for him because of his job. luckily we don’t have kids together but im scared to start over…..
i’m scared i wont be able to afford living alone because i yet again will have to start over my business (if i leave him i refuse to stay in this city he dragged me to), and i want to be able to take our animals with me as im the sole caregiver for them, im scared ill never find a connection again, although after this marriage i don’t think id ever want to be legally bound to someone again. im scared of the drama. im scared of everything.
those who’ve left after 30… how’d you do it? what was the last straw? what gave you strength?
i know there’s more to life then what im allowing myself right now, im just terrified to make the leap.
if you read all this thank u
Comments
Girl… you don’t have kids. What are you scared of? Leave!
That is said with tough love.
Because I broke down in the shower too many times and verbalized to myself if it wasn’t for the kid I’d be gone. In that moment I realized my son deserves better and I deserve better. I would figure it out just like I’ve figured out everything else in my life.