For women in loving relationships: How do you handle it if you ever feel attracted to someone else or think about being physically intimate with another person, even though you care deeply about your partner?
For women in loving relationships: How do you handle it if you ever feel attracted to someone else or think about being physically intimate with another person, even though you care deeply about your partner?
r/AskWomen
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This isn’t something I experience when I am in a healthy and loving relationship. It’s just not how my mind or emotions work. I know it’s very normal for some people, but it just doesn’t happen like that for me.
If I were to find myself attracted to someone else, it would be a huge wakeup call and red flag about my current relationship, so I would address that, review my behaviors and boundaries, and work through that it would likely end my relationship.
Tbh, when I was in my marriage at it’s peak, I never bat an eye for anyone nor did I think about wanting to be physical with anyone than my ex husband. I craved him and he fulfilled everything I needed.
To be in a “loving” relationship and have those thoughts makes it sound like it may not be all that great especially if you’re thinking of being physical with someone else other than your partner. Just my opinion.
Depending on the situation, sometimes I do nothing, and sometimes I pursue the person. My marriage is polyamorous and my wife fully encourages me to date whoever I want, as long as they treat me well.
I include her in the fantasy lol.
I will probably get downvoted for this but it’s the honest answer….
I have been with my husband for over 20 years and we have an extremely loving relationship. I have never felt romantic attraction towards someone else, but I am only human and definitely feel sexual attraction towards others from time to time.
What do I do? I know I am never going to act on it, so I let myself feel my feelings and then bring that “energy” home to my husband. I’ll even tell him sometimes if my husband and I are being extra flirty, or he’ll make a game of it and try to guess who I fancy most out of a crowd. 99% of the time he is correct because he knows I have a type. Lol.
And it goes both ways. We are respectful with our words, but we are extremely secure in our relationship and have been together far too long to be jealous about finding someone else attractive. And honestly, being a bit more honest in this area has actually strengthened our relationship vs. when we were younger and would try to “suppress” our feelings.
I never really looked at someone else that way. We’ve been together for 20 years this upcoming winter. I can acknowledge someone is attractive but I don’t feel that feeling. Once in 20 years did I feel a massive spark, but it really was as simple as not seeking time with the other person, maintaining a distance that makes sense, and then fueling that energy back into your own partner. It passes.
I tell my husband about it and he would do the same. Talking about it openly makes it not a big deal anymore and he doesn’t get jealous. Just because we’re married doesn’t mean we never think about other people sexually and just because we think about people sexually from time to time doesn’t mean we would act on it.
I drive a Toyota Corolla. Every time I pass a nice car I admire it yet never have the desire to buy/drive it, I simply like to look. Same for people. I can look at someone and think they’re attractive or picture something more sinister but it doesn’t mean anything beyond that.
I don’t 🤷🏽♀️
It doesn’t trouble me at all. I am human, in my view my life woth my boyfriend is a choice, so I can feel attention to other, which has happened, and until now it had faded away in time, like any initial attraction does
Umm… I don’t.
Tht doesn’t happen to me
It never even crosses my mind to look at other men in that way. I have everything I need and could ever need with my husband. It’s just not even a consideration
Nothing wrong with thoughts. Actions are what’s important. We’re all human and it’s normal to feel sexual attraction outside of a relationship.
I acknowledge the attraction and don’t pursue it. I liked having sex with lots of people before I got married and still am attracted to many people. But my relationship with my partner is deeply satisfying and I have no desire to jeopardize it by acting on my attractions to other people.
I just don’t think acknowledging that there are many hot people in the world has to be some kind of issue!
Question the root cause. In the past, when this happened for me, it meant that I was feeling neglected, emotionally, and craving to feel seen and celebrated and like my genuine carefree, sexual authentic self. Even my last partner who dropped the ball in many ways and fumbled me big time, did at least enough for me to not have those thoughts anymore, which made me realize I do want a monogamous relationship actually.
My husband and I have talked about this. Finding someone attractive does not equal sexual attraction. That’s where we draw the line. We acknowledge there are attractive parts of other people… and hell we have even commented on it in front of each other. But, I can only speak for myself, I don’t get sexually attracted to people. I only want to sleep with my husband, desire my husband, and be desired by him. And honestly I don’t like people enough to want to even entertain someone else’s attention lol
I’m not wired very monogamously so this isn’t anything I struggle with or feel guilt about, it just is. But it’s extremely rare that the attraction I have for someone else feels worth pursuing or engaging with anyway. I just appreciate it for what it is and it fuels my creativity and general lust and curiosity for life I guess? I enjoy sexual energy. But my partner finds it amusing/endearing anyway and it’s something I share with him and don’t feel secretive or weird/shameful about.
Personally for me, I find that I don’t have an attraction towards anybody else. I can admire a good looking person but there’s no desire for me to be with anyone that’s not my partner.
And that includes when we’ve had our “dry spells” so to speak, my partner has a lower libido than me and before we got to where we are in our relationship we’d have sex maybe 8 times a year. Of course I was sexually frustrated but I never even thought about looking outside our relationship. I’d express my concerns with him and he’d work on himself to show up for me.
At the end of the day he’s my best friend, he shows up for me in a million and one different ways every single day and I do my best to do the same for him. I know what I have and I don’t care to even day dream about anyone else. Maybe that’s just me but 🤷🏻♀️
My boyfriend would want me to tell him but that’s cos he’s into it. I get that’s probably not the norm but he loves it
I feel like I have the most attractive partner in the world. I know he’s not actually, but in my eyes, no one else can compare. Sure, I can tell when someone’s attractive, but there’s no attraction. I can’t fathom the thought of being physically intimate with anyone else. Ever.
Honestly, think about it a little and then move on, I would never act on it but I find that suppressing thoughts and feeling bad about them makes things worse and come up more, if i think about it i realize it’s purely superficial and it goes away after a while. Don’t dwell on it, its natural
I think it’s really really important to acknowledge that there’s a difference between feeling passing attraction and fostering a crush. Because if you’re going to have a passing fantasy for a celebrity or whatever, I really think there’s no harm in that. But I think ongoing tending of a crush for a person who is actually in your life can undermine a relationship.
Passing feelings of attraction happen, even for people who you generally think of platonically. And especially in a long term loving relationship. Long term relationships go through periods where there is stress, or anger, or boredom. And in those periods it is really easy to have a passing feeling happen for a friend or acquaintance, and to tell yourself “this is a sign, something is wrong with my established relationship otherwise I wouldn’t feel this way.” And that second thought, that’s dangerous. That’s your brain wanting to build a story to justify your feelings to you to make them feel more important.
When you commit to a person, you owe it to them to see that relationship through on its own merits. You don’t have to stay with them forever. You can walk away at any time. But you owe it to them to try to work on any problems you have, and if those problems seem unfixable you walk away and set them free. And you do that before you even consider the next person you have a relationship with.
So if I ever feel feelings for another person while I’m in a committed relationship (and it happens) I cut that person off. Maybe not permanently. Maybe not entirely. But if I’m in a relationship and notice that I’m feeling a crush on a person I keep having fun conversations with at work, I stop talking to them about anything that isn’t work-related. If I start fantasizing about a friend who has always been platonic, I stop texting with them privately and only hang out with them in groups for a while. If I start thinking those thoughts in my head I mentally go “lalalalala” until they go away. And that works! It really does! If you actually try to stop indulging in a crush the feelings stop percolating. And then you work on the relationship.
Because it’s not fair to compare a long stable established relationship to the fantasy and promise of something new and charged with that new relationship energy. That’s not fair. The fact that you’re having a crush, sure, that might be a sign for you that something’s not going great in your current relationship. But you owe it to that person who dedicated years of their life to you to end that crush. Take them out of the picture. Don’t compare your relationship with all its baggage and context to the fantasy of a person you don’t really know. Think deeply and figure out your own relationship. Then if it makes sense, leave and let your heart open to somebody else.
I enjoy the feelings of having a crush. I day dream a little and then I look at my partner and I think “hot damn I love the life we’re building together and the ups and downs of learning someone and vice versa.”
Feelings of attraction to other people don’t cease to exist when you’re in a loving relationship and that’s ok. Loving relationships still have their hardships sometimes but making that choice to work through them as partners wins over a crush everyday.
In high school, my bosses wife came by while a cover band was setting up for a wedding reception.
The lead singer was quite attractive and the wife says to me “Now that’ll be fun to look at all night!”
I was like “Lee!! You are married!”
And she said “Honey, I’m married, I’m not dead!”
I think that’s a great attitude. You can be deeply in love and completely committed to your partner but you are a living human and sexual attraction is going to happen as long as there’s a hormone in your body. Recognizing this is also going to happen to your partner sometimes is important too, but MOST important is that you can trust each other to recognize a physically appealing person but never worry that they’d act on that attraction.
dial it back. tell partner in a caring kind way. bringing daylight to these matters often extinguishes a lot of the fire bc much of the attraction can be based around the secretive and transgressive nature of the attraction. Good to disclose early too. As many therapists say most people aren’t trying to have affairs. It’s just something that happens.. little by little.
I think it’s normal to be attracted to other people! In my own life, have been going through this as I’m starting to really notice other women – which, is interesting. I’m in a solid, satisfying relationship with a man – have always been “mainly straight” so this had been kind of odd for me because it’s happened out of nowhere!
For me, I think it might be due to the fact that I’m aiming to change my body pretty drastically, and in the gym a lot/looking at fitness content at home. It’s still really uncomfortable and makes me feel so creepy that I’m all of a sudden like “dannnnng, look at how beautiful she is!” – it’s like pure admiration and I don’t want to touch them, haha.
In the past, my husband and I have traded notes on which celebrities we find pretty. I never was that attracted to actors, but more to musicians. My husband is my exact type: shaggy haired, brown eyed musician so it didn’t feel as odd as being so attracted to like … gym girls.
I always want to be honest with my dude! I think I might need to cut back on social media, honestly. My algorithm is ALL hourglass-y gym girls and it’s a look I want to achieve for myself, not crush on!
I do really, really think the fact that we stare at everyone else’s life through filters and phones can contribute to these things.
Honestly, I just…don’t even notice other guys, I guess? I’ve been with my husband for 8 years (married for 3), and I would consider us to be in a very healthy relationship – we are open and communicative, love spending time with each other and generally to exist in each other’s space, never fight because we take the ‘us against the problem’ approach when there is an issue, and are each other’s bestie and greatest supporter.
On top of this, I am very much in love with him and find him extremely attractive, so other men, no matter how handsome, just don’t register as options in my brain. I might find them beautiful, but that’s it – there’s no desire behind it at all.
Then again, I’m neuro-divergent and possibly demi-sexual (I don’t like to touch/be touched by strangers and generally need to have feelings for a guy before desire even begins to come into play), so perhaps that plays a part in my complete and total obliviousness to the existence of other men. 😅
Acknowledge it to myself, but don’t dwell. Don’t act any different to the other person, and if it’s someone I am friends with or coworkers with, I might take a little step back with the friendliness until it calms down. Eventually it’ll pass and you move on.
My husband and i check people out together. Its a bonding experience.
They get maybe 5-10 seconds of thought max. Ive never cheated in a relationship. Im loyal until a man isnt.
That’s absolutely normal? Being attracted to someone else, allowing your imagination to go where it likes doesn’t mean you love your partner less. These are self imposed beliefs…be kind to yourself 🌿
If its only in ‘fantasy land’ I see no problem. If it’s something that u r planning to act upon then methinks u should first tell ur partner it’s over. -.-‘
I’ve been in a loving relationship for 6 years now and had 2 times where I felt strong attraction towards someone else. The first time it was a colleague so we pretty much saw each other daily, which made it hard to ignore each other. We ate lunch together, had good banter and just overall good chemistry. Even managed to “bump into each other” in bars/nightclubs couple of times. Nothing happened between us. At one point he quit his job so it made it easier to cut off the contact and the attraction or “feeling” went away within 2-3 months.
But the second one (which I’m struggling with rn) has lasted for over 6 months already. And we don’t even talk or see that much (maybe 2-3x a month?). And when we do, it’s 99% professional. But the chemistry is insane. I rationally know it’s just an illusion of him bc I don’t know him but I let myself feel that way and just daydream about him. I find it comforting to feel these feelings (and live in my bubble) and have those butterflies. I hope the feeling will just pass at some point. I try to bring that energy into my current relationship and continue my normal life.
I think it is a myth that if we are in a loving relationship with someone, it is not possible to ever wonder about physical intimacy with another. I’m not suggesting acting on it, but as for feeling the attraction and desire and wondering what it would be like…I think this is a natural part of being a human with a sex drive.
I don’t tell my spouse because it’s not usually that deep. It’s a passing thing and then gone, like “oh wow he’s hot. What’s for lunch?”
If I was stuck working with someone or in frequent situations with someone who I had really persistent attraction to, that would be more difficult, but I think I would probably just snuggle up to my husband even more. There’s a million reasons I’m with him that no one else can take away or undermine no matter how attractive they are.
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Its fleeting and I dont have any desire to pursue it seriously. I can acknowledge why I’m feeling attracted to someone since I’m usually very feelings or personality based. But i know that I’ve built a beautiful thing with my partner and at the end of the day that’s what i want. Not anything else.
That has never happened to me. If you feel or have ever felt that what imo that means you don’t truly love your partner.
I’ve really only experienced this once at the very beginning of my relationship, I’d say finding other people attractive is normal until it turns into fantasizing about other people, but it really just depends.
I realized that maybe there was a deficiency in something with my relationship and I was subconsciously trying to find it in someone else, before it even got more intense I just found out what we were lacking and he put in effort to do more of it and now I I don’t really look at anyone else.
He was scared to say anything risky and I thought he just didn’t find me sexually attractive. I’m in a writing class and there was this guy who was cute and showed interest in me but I turned him down because yes he was cute but my boyfriend, to me, is genuinely beautiful to me. My relationship is sacred. We had a discussion and now, things are different. I can’t really imagine myself with anyone else.
I know for other people it’s normal though! I know not everyone is monogamous and some people generally just don’t mind. It really just depends on how you see it and what your preferences are.
I make sure I have nothing to do with that person, ever. Avoiding them eventually makes the attraction fade and then it fully disappears, for me.
I love my partner and I have full power over my actions.
Easy. I’m in a loving relationship and no one is worth messing that up for.
Thinking about it is one thing. It’s natural so it’s nothing to be ashamed of, we all do it. But, I’ll tell you what my dad used to tell me. And my parents had a near-perfect marriage for almost 40 years before he passed in 2016 (my mother is now remarried to a great guy. Surprisingly, she decided about two years later that it’s what she wanted. Simply because being married to my father “made marriage so wonderful”); “There’s nothing wrong with reading the menu, as long as you don’t order.” Bring that energy home. Nurture your current relationship and there’s no limit to how it can grow!
Everyone is different, every relationship is different. Depending on age group, 1 out of 2 men admit watching porn in the last month – that doesn’t mean any of them that are coupled like their partners any less.
I suspect people saying you don’t love your partner are either young, or haven’t been in long term partnerships.
Attraction to other people can happen, it’s natural. Acting upon said attraction is intentional.
You can still feel the way about your partner and find others attractive, but acting upon the attraction (like trying to get with them) is disrespectful.
Have a chat with your partner if you feel any way, if you both care deeply about each other, then it’s just another adult conversation to have in a growing, loving relationship! 💕
I let myself feel whatever I feel without guilt. I can have sexual attraction towards others and even innocent crushes, but I will never disrespect my partner or betray them. Relatively early on in our relationship, I communicated with my partner that it is important to me that we both feel we can have attractions to others without shame. Honestly (of course I can only speak from my experience), this is very liberating because I don’t feel like I’m repressing feelings and by letting myself feel whatever it is I’m feeling, it never feels like some sinister thing. I love my partner dearly and have no interest in opening the relationship, yet I’m still an independent being who can find others attractive.
I take it out on my husband 😉
But it’s not u common. Hell, look how many married women have a crush on celebrities!
Physical attraction is merely lust. Will I act on it? No, because I don’t love them like I love my husband.
If I feel hot and bothered after talking to or seeing someone I find good looking, I will go home and release all that pent up sexual energy with my husband.(if he wants to of course…consent is still a thing in marriage)
Remember that love and sex are two different things and give it no more mind
I’m in an open relationship so I just do it
Your actions go where your thoughts go. So my thoughts do not ever go there. What I have with my husband is decades of raising kids together, living in different countries, sharing memories. There will never be anyone who knows me or my body like he does. I’ve never looked at other men and wondered. When I have met people who are attractive and around my age, etc. I just don’t try to befriend them. I know what i have and I am not going to risk it.
I appreciate and notice attractive people, but I don’t ever have sexual thoughts of them. I’m just not wired that way. But putting myself in your shoes, if the relationship is fulfilling me in all ways, I wouldn’t worry too much because I know it would fade and I’d never act on it.
I don’t think about being physically intimate with anyone who isn’t my partner. The thought literally cannot occur without an emotional connection so.. easy for me to avoid. And no, I don’t become emotionally close to people outside my family and partner. I have no reason to nor do I desire it.
Feeling attracted to others ? I don’t ever FEEL attracted to others, but I can tell when someone is physically attractive. It doesn’t ever spur anything in me bc it’s just their appearance. Means basically nothing. But honestly, I just can’t find myself more attracted to anyone but my partner. I’m seriously committed to him in all ways really : mentally, physically, and emotionally . Feeling attracted to anyone else , especially sexually, would indicate that i am not in a loving healthy relationship
So I don’t really go through this. But I imagine that it’s best to just acknowledge the feeling and let it pass. Don’t act on it . I understand that it’s human or whatever to feel like that at times. Keep it to yourself and fr just let it go.
I notice and move on. Lol
I don’t really
Doesn’t matter where you get hungry, as long as you have your meals at home.
Don’t beat yourself up. Everyone is different. Some people can end up with the absolute perfect person in the world, and still wonder about others. Some people love looking at beautiful people, love getting to know people, love novelty.
Try to get to know yourself. Are you like that? If so, there’s nothing to do about it, unless your partner is poly or a cuck. So, make peace with that, recognize what type of lifestyle is truly best for you (stable/comfortable vs less stable with more novelty). Is your current life with your current partner satisfying? If so, be yourself, but don’t take it for granted. If you aren’t satisfied, that’s another story.
Doesn’t matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat dinner at home
I remember that love is a choice and I am in a committed relationship and that I am choosing to be with the person that I’m with. Lust, attraction, excitement comes and goes.
If I’m having a hard time with it, I distance myself from the person and avoid them until I get over it.
I’m in an open relationship; that was our way of finding happiness together☺️
I don’t feed real-life crushes. As in, I don’t hang out with them more than necessary, talk to them beyond surface level stuff, and eventually it’ll pass and I can choose to pursue a true platonic relationship or not. Crushes thrive on familiarity and exposure, they can easily grow out of control. But they can also be starved and no longer be a problem.
If it’s a character or a celeb, who cares? As long as I’m not using escapism to avoid relationship issues, it’s totally normal and not a huge deal. I don’t want my partner to tell me about his fantasies of other people, but I know there probably are some. I’m a human being with eyes. And even if I didn’t have eyes, I have an overactive imagination lol.
“Would I seriously throw my life into chaos over feeling attracted to this person?” The answer is always no.
I can look at the menu. Jeez. I actually don’t give it much thought. I feel like there’s nothing wrong with appreciating an attractive person. I would never go further than eye candy tho b/c other people’s bodies gross me the F OUT.
I ask if my partner ever does, and talk together about going from monogamous to monogamish.
The exact same way I’d handle it if I were single, except I do usually let my long-term partner know if I’m going to go on a date or anything with someone else. We aren’t monogamous. Always found the idea of shutting down my attractions and being “owned” by someone to be strange, that just doesn’t feel like how I’m meant to be.
Don’t entertain the thought
I always feel so guilty when I have sex dreams about randoms, it happens once in awhile. I have a wonderful, loving fiancé but our sex life is a bit vanilla so I think that’s why I have raunchy dreams on occasion
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I’ve been there. I developed a crush on a coworker while happily married. We worked in the same department but I started out a rank lower than him. He was foreign, intelligent, artistic, essentially a South American Milo Thatch if that paints a picture. We both had serious partners and hung out as a group from time to time. I was ashamed/frustrated/confused by the way my heart stampeded and brain short-circuited anytime he talked to me. Eventually I had a sit-down with myself to decide who I wanted to be. Did I want to confess feelings, hurt innocent people, and destroy potentially two relationships and a job? Or did I want to be a respectable partner and friend and bury the feelings. I chose the latter. I chose to remember and appreciate my partner more in everyday things. At work, I stayed friendly but made a conscious effort to keep proverbial space between us. It took some time but the crush faded. We’ve long since went our separate ways but remain acquaintances. I may not be able to control what feelings I have but I’m relieved I was able to control how I handled the situation. Hope this helps..
Live out a little sex fantasy in my head and then recognize that I ultimately dont want any other relationships than the one I’m in.
You acknowledge the feelings of attraction, appreciate the other person you’re attracted to, remember your commitment and how you value your partner, and then allow it to pass. If it’s not something you can process that way or without continuing to think of that someone else, you may not be as happy/satisfied with just one person long term. Something to consider.
Most days I enjoy a little mental thrill, store it in the wank bank, and go home to the secure, comfortable, loving person I have built a life with.
Some days I question all my life’s decisions and fantasize on what my life might have looked like if I hadn’t married him. But that’s not because of the crush directly, just routine introspection that’s part of being human.
I know they couldn’t possibly be as kind, loving and thoughtful as my partner. He makes me feel so beautiful and loved, I don’t need anything more, so other men don’t interest me.
I can find others visually attractive and I might even be sexually attracted to them, but the desire to actually have sex with someone else simply isn’t there.
I can’t relate to people saying they take that attraction and bring it home to their partner. I’m not thinking about anyone else when I have sex with my partner.
Feel it, fantasize a little, maybe make a joke to my husband about it, and then let it drift away.
I can notice someone attractive and not fixate or fantasize. That’s pretty much it for me. There are lots of hot people around but I really don’t think much beyond “wow, he’s hot” and move on with my day.
Tell them all about it and let them tease me about it until it goes away is usually how it gets handled these days. XD
I think it’s human to find others attractive, being in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you don’t have eyes. But it also doesn’t mean you’re feral and pounce on someone if they’re attractive. You just.. don’t do anything about it. Treat them like any other human and move on with your life.
The fact that I care deeply for my boyfriend and that I love him, I don’t have a desire to be intimate with anyone else nor do I feel that sort of attraction to someone else. There must be something in yourself that you feel is lacking in your relationship. Everyone has different love languages, maybe yours isn’t being met? Your significant other could be so kind and loving but they might not be the one for you if you are starting to look elsewhere. Word of advice if you truly care and respect your significant other then don’t cheat. Would you backstab a friend? Then don’t do it to your partner.
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I’m like “Yep, that was a thought” and then I let it go and forget about it. I don’t control my thoughts but I can control my actions, and I don’t have to take action on every thought.
I’ve been with my husband for 10 years. I acknowledge that it’s a crush and the feelings of attraction will pass. I am deeply in love with my husband and just because some attractive person walks by, doesn’t mean that they could compare to my husband in any deep way.
I have been married for 14 years. My husband and I think it’s great fun to point out and ogle at people we would totally do when we are out together (from a distance of course, we don’t actually point and stare). Both of us know the other wouldn’t actually do it, but it’s so much fun to fantasize and watch your partner do the same. Maybe it’s weird, but we enjoy it.
Been in a loving relationship with my partner for 15 years. I acknowledge and note the feeling before kinda putting it to the side. I never would go further, but I usually make a point to not progress in any friendship or anything with them either. Like, I don’t ignore them or avoid them but I keep them at a distance and just keep things polite. Again, id never do anything, but I don’t want to feed those feelings either.
Sometimes that actually makes me more loving to my partner. Something about having that moment of fantasizing then going home to someone I love in a deep, meaningful way who loves me the same just makes me see them in that light again.
I was in my last relationship for 3 years. Never had an attraction towards other people in real life. However, I dream a lot when I fall asleep, and my dreams feel very real to me.
I’ve dreamt about people that I’ve never met before, but I was very attracted to them in my dreams, to the point that I’d be upset when I’d wake up and realize that it was all fake.
I’m sure I’ve talked to my ex about these dreams, we’d just laugh and move on.
Fell in love with him in the first place because I dreamt about him too when we first started talking.
Truly, I just let it pass. I don’t really experience that as a committed person? But if I do have a twinge of “oo wow,” it doesn’t stay connected to that person for long enough to worry about it.
I basically don’t think of other people aside from my partner sexually almost ever. And when I do, I am kinda just amazed by that moment and it passes.
you know how you can only be brave if you feel fear and ignore it? i think you are only faithful if you feel attracted to someone else and don’t act on it. otherwise you’re not faithful, you’re just not interested lol
Usually my partner(s) and I are finding people attractive together. Then again, we don’t look at people besides in a general sense unless someone actually appeals to our eyes and we will most likely greet them together.
I absolutely love and adore my partners and think it’s really sexy when they find someone else attractive and want to get to know them. There’s no room for jealousy in our polycule, only compersion.
The minute we got married it just clicked something in me. (Btw-we had an extremely short relationship prior. Literally love at first sight and eloped 12 days later and that was 12+years ago).
In twelve years I definitely notice if a man is attractive by way of looks or personality but to me – not for me. If that makes sense? The longer I’m married the more attracted I am to my husband because I know how much we’ve both put into our life together. What we’ve accomplished, achieved, learned(!!), sacrificed, and enjoyed.
You don’t find the most beautiful, hardest, softest, sweetest, perfect, sexiest, miraculous, vulnerable and immeasurably memorable moments of your life with someone and then think or feel anyone else is more attractive.
So for us, we don’t feel we have to treat each other like idiotic, soulless, sexless drones. He knows Gerard Butler could not compete even though he’s my fake husband and we both know he’d never be happy with Reese Witherspoon. But mainly because she doesn’t know where to look when he loses anything. 😂
It IS a choice to be happy. But it does take work. And both people have to believe those few first rules. Choose to find the joie de vivre, choose to be the dream partner with whom your partner would best thrive, be open and honest with each other, expect growth and change, and be able to laugh at each other’s weird shite and at most especially at yourselves. 🩷✌🏼
I care deeply about my partner so it’s literally inconsequential to me. A fleeting moment that I don’t think about ever again
Looks are only temporary. Finding someone who you are compatible with is pretty damn rare. Especially in this day and age. Intrusive thoughts will happen, you are human at the end of the day. But I will never allow myself to ruin my relationship over another person. Loyalty is something I am extremely serious about.
Oh god you’re not with the right person if you’re fantasising about someone else. Why is this normalised?
Why would you feel that what’s wrong with you. Well you see you definitely do not love your partner girl that a lie if you are feeling attracted to other men
Years ago, I would’ve thought it’s wrong and was confused about my partner. Then I realised we are animas and it’s only natural. Whether you act on it or not is your choice.
Crushes can be fun! If you don’t act on it. A lot of the time, it’s just attractive people passing you by.
Me and my partner make games out of this and tell each other when we find someone hot. Or if they flirt or vice versa. Sometimes we act on it but that is fine by us and it’s only sexual. For me it sparks a tiny bit of jealousy which fuels me because naturally I’m competitive. So I have fun with it. My partner and I have been together for years and what we built is much stronger than all these people. We love and trust each other and have the same views. Even if I’m soo attracted to someone, it’s just lust, and i don’t think grass is greener at all. I’m a realist.
Honestly in 11 years I’ve never once been attracted to somebody else and i honestly don’t know why. I love my husband deeply and he has a significantly higher libido than me but all it takes is a kiss on my neck and I’m down lol i know he obviously looks at other women and we talk about it, but i guess my attraction to him is not just physical and i need more than just good looks to find someone attractive and maybe i don’t look at other guys that way because I don’t actually get to know other guys, i work with mostly women, the only guys I’m getting near is his co-workers and friends, and some dads from my kids school, but there’s not a single one i can consider attractive. My husband says he definitely looks and we do talk about other women, i admire a lot of them too, but as he says “you stick with with the looking part and move on”. I guess at the moment it didn’t really happen to me…
I’m already in a loving relationship where I feel peaceful and secure. But I’m kind of a horny woman and find so many men hot 💅 I just go ahead and tell my husband all about it, including what I liked about the man and what I want to do to that man.
Sometimes my husband listens, sometimes he laughs, sometimes he has to cover his ears or even walk out of the room out of sheer cringe 😁
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I just watched this video the other day where this guy said he got culture shock in the U.S. because being attracted to someone is a “big deal” over here. IIRC the guy lived in the U.K.; he mentioned how there, flirting was just for fun, not taken seriously. And how even if they’re flirting with someone, or they’re attracted to someone, it doesn’t mean they want to be involved with them or are going to do anything about it. I feel much the same as a U.S.ian.
I embrace it and move on. People are people with all kinds of feelings: my partner and I are very open about what kind of people we find attractive, but feeling a feeling and acting on a feeling are two different things.
You are a human being and those are feelings that are going to come up at times. Just be open and honest about it to your partner. There’s nothing to feel bad or guilty about, just don’t let it turn into a problem by keeping it to yourself.
I haven’t been in my current relationship for a long time, but I’ll share anyhow.
I’m, without doubt, with the love oc my life, my soulmate and my biggest crush. Even in previous relationships I never felt attracted to or have thoughts about being with someone else, even guven the fact my previous relationships were abusive. Maybe it’s just how my brain is wired, but even in my dreams I’m always with my partner and I’m very happy and lucky to be with him. Before I met him I was single for a while and definitely had a crush on some singers I like and a few video game characters. He knows who I had a crush on when we met and it wasn’t an issue. Naturally with time, the crush I had on them just grew into appreciation (for their talents, for example). My theory is that I was projecting all the love I had to give onto them, like they were placeholders for feeling that no real person wanted to accept. Now all the love, adoration and affection just settled onto the correct recipient. Being an artist, I am definitely able to appreciate physical beauty, but that’s all it boils down to. It’s never fantasies of being with someone because the person looks a certain way.
I see attractive people all the time, and have zero desire to be physically intimate with anyone other than my husband. We have been together since 2002. He is my partner, period. No one else gets to interfere in my most important relationship.
“Handle it”
What the fuck?
Just go about your fucking day. Is it your first day with EYES??? Smh. There will ALWAYS be sexually attractive men and women around. There have ALWAYS BEEN sexually attractive men and women around. THERE IS NOTHING TO HANDLE.
Continue with your day. If you don’t have a ton of shit to do – get a hobby?? I’ve got a ton of shit to do. He was hot. She was hot. I don’t know what I’m making for supper….
There’s nothing to handle. I’ll be 80 and seeing sexy men and women -and I’ll still be busy living my life…
I wouldn’t say I’m in a terribly “loving” relationship, I mean, I know my husband loves me but he isn’t terribly affectionate. Anyways, like the first post, if I find someone attractive I feel it but would never act on it. If it is someone way out of my league (like a celebrity) I will tell my husband to add him to my “hall pass” list. If it is someone we will have repeated contact with I don’t usually mention it because I wouldn’t want him to worry about something I’d never allow to happen.
My partner and I have been together for 5.5 years.
I don’t “handle” it if I feel attracted to someone physically. There are many hot people in the world, and I can appreciate that. It’s normal to fantasize, I think.
I’d never act on it. That’s, I suppose, how I handle it. I feel 0 guilt and behave appropriately to other men. That’s that.
Following this one . Never ever thought that would be an issue. Thought my marriage was bulletproof until the one that got away 35 years ago got in contact w me I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still have feelings. Neither one of us are attractive anymore- but it’s all about the connection of days gone by.
I understand loving relationships- you have eyes and devotion only for that person and if it’s loving and you are satisfied- hardly you would think such things? That’s just me 🙂
Ever since I started dating my husband, I have not had the desire to be physically intimate with anybody else.
Before we got together, I went through a phase where I slept around a little bit after getting out of long term relationship.
I learned pretty quickly that hookups are not for me. I get attached easily, and sex is WAY better for me if there is a connection there. I like to feel comfortable and safe with the person.
There are still people I look at who are beautiful, and that’s OK to acknowledge.
Sometimes you just run into somebody on the street who is model material, and it’s normal for anybody to look and admire.
I’ve never struggled with feeling attracted to anybody else because they aren’t my husband, they have not been through what we’ve been through together, and they don’t know me like that.
They don’t know what I look like with 102 fever when I have the flu, and they don’t know that I prefer the blue Powerade and miso soup when I’m sick.
They don’t know that I get Hangry, and this gets intensified if I’m hot or cold.
They won’t stop by the gas station for me to get a bag of chips, or pick up sunflowers for me from the store because the sunflower field near our house died and I was sad about it.
They won’t go to a music festival with me despite hating crowds, and not liking any of the artist.
This could be very different for people, because for me sexual attraction heavily depends on my connection to the person.
Again, I can look at someone and be like holy wow you are hot, but that has never led to me actually feeling attracted to them or wanting to be intimate with them.
I 100% know the grass isnt greener on the other side. Based on how many men I have dated are, attraction is just attraction- and many of them are just that- attractive to look at but shit people who are bad in bed with horrible personalities. There is no situation where they would be close to my husband in personality, sexual compatibility, or just plain fun. He is rare and everyone else I would be attracted to (basically other guys who look like him, I have a type lolol) wouldnt even remotely be close to who he is, so that attraction fizzles away quickly.
7 years married to a man I am still head over heels in love with and the desire he stirs in me is fierce. Sure, I on occasion will see a very attractive man or engage in a conversation where I can appreciate another man’s attractiveness, but I consciously never allow that attraction to manifest into something that could possibly destroy the foundation of love and respect my husband and I have with one another. I’m in my 50’s and honestly enjoy the sex with my husband far more than sex when I was younger. No kids or responsibilities weighing on me like when I was younger. Nothing wrong with admiring another’s physical attractiveness but acting on that can cause a world of destruction and unhappiness. And the true man and his soul underneath the physical body is what is the most beautiful. And honestly, I’ve never come across a man who could compete with my husband in that way, EVER!
I let the fantasies play out in my imagination, and I know for certain that I’m not going to ever make a move for someone else because the fantasy is the fun. The reality is ugly and painful and I’m not going to lose that way again.
I don’t. Sometimes I notice men who are shredded and half naked during the summer. Does nothing for me anymore.
I feel like there’s the moral aspect of it, where I would never allow myself to indulge in a feeling of attraction simply out of loyalty for my husband.
But also, I recognize I am human and have been around people I’ve found attractive. I usually remove myself from the situation and don’t pursue it, because that’s like playing with fire.
I am very happily married and my husband is my best friend, so there’s literally no man on earth who could tempt me to remotely jeopardize the life we’ve built together.
For me, when I’m in a loving relationship, I just don’t feel that kind of attraction toward anyone else. I honestly can’t picture being physically or emotionally close with another person, because my heart and attention stay with my partner