The same I had in my early 20s and before I was raped at the age of 24. Someone who will accept I’m asexual. I’m sex neutral and don’t mind compromising out of love. It’s finding someone who is okay with that.
I was single from 20-33. Two months ago my ex fiance ended the engagement and relationship. I’m 35.5 now and I’m thinking it may be for the best for me to work on a loving relationship with myself.
Meeting men with no/minimal unresolved baggage, then meeting men with no/minimal unresolved baggage, then finding someone I can have chemistry with. I’m 37, only started investing time in romantic relationships when I was 34-35, so that might have been a contributing factor…
There’s really not much that’s unique to my age. It’s the same stuff it always is. The lesbian dating pool is pretty small, and otherwise, it’s just a matter of finding people whose priorities and lifestyles are compatible with mine. At the end of the day, it’s a numbers game, same as it always was.
The only thing that’s new post-40 for me is that I’m now often the older person in my relationships, and that’s a whole new dynamic compared to previous decades in which I was often the younger person, but it’s not a bad thing, just new.
Overall, it’s hard to find someone who is actually intentionally dating and not lying for their selfish gain.
Being told I should freeze my eggs and get a move on if I want kids. Also told I should be married and any guy is lucky to have me yet those guys didn’t feel that way with me.
Ok. I know I’m not a woman. So you are welcome to politely ask that I delete this. M34
However. The responses here just make me laugh.
As a man over 30. I have the exact same complaints about the women my age.
Under 30 and they are still figuring out the world and themselves. Over 30 and they have either just given up on health and fitness or they are working themselves to death to try to look like they are still in their 20s.
I think most of the country is so lonely that there is no happy medium anymore. No one to have absurd conversations with on a long walk till the sunsets. There is just ambition for the best mate that has it all or binge eating and depression.
Back when I bothered to date, the trouble was finding men who were both emotionally available and emotionally intelligent. Too many of them seemed to be both, but intentionally hid that they were terrified of commitment while acting the opposite.
From the ages of 23-37 I worked intensely on my school and career. I now am financially stable and have a graduate degree. now at 39 I have the energy and freedom I had in my 20s, have the career of an established senior level professional and have the financial stability to complement all of that. So now, going on a date and meeting men that want to split the bill or talks about Pokémon or video games doesn’t do it for me. I would rather be alone and enjoy the fruits of my labor than allow someone into my life that is lackluster. Protecting my peace and safety is more important.
The biggest hurdle is that many are just flat out emotionally unavailable. Also difficult to find someone that is attractive in all senses. Can’t stay attracted to someone physically when they’re a shit person. Also hard to fall in love with personality when they don’t care for their appearance.
I was actively dating until I met my now partner at 32 years old. The hardest part was how to keep up and not giving up cuz it’s a lot of disappointment and resentment. I wanted someone who I felt interested in getting to know them,who was good at taking care of things around themselves and furthermore was around me,who’s trustworthy,…those seemed like just regular standards to me but not easy to find when it came to reality.
Meeting men I’m actually interested in even going on a date with. When I was younger if they were attractive and we had a few things in common I would go on some dates to see how well we worked. Nowadays I am less interested in dating for the sake of dating and so I don’t want to go out with someone unless I’m actually interested in them. I find most men I meet don’t even get past my dealbreakers these days, or are terrible at communicating, or I’m just not attracted to. And these aren’t crazy standards or anything.
The biggest one for me is meeting men who don’t want children. That alone removes a huge section of the dating pool before even looking at other aspects of compatibility.
I’m no prude and am okay to date emotionally mature kinky people but it is CRAZY how it is nearly impossible to find an adult man who doesn’t par take in some or all of the following objectifier behavior they try to pawn off as being “sex positive” and “normal”:
following thirst accounts / reply guy behavior
porn addiction
thinks it’s on the table to discuss your friends looks / sexuality
race fetish / passport bro
weird about intimacy or sexuality overall but can’t communicate needs unless drunk
overly sexual from the beginning
has dated people much younger than him
would be down to receive a nude of his friend’s girl without her consent and not tell his friend it’s not ok
sees the entire world through a horny lens, not a moment of peace from knowing these guys are checking women out everywhere they go AND they narrate it and you have to listen to derogative or objectifying comments about other women’s appearances and your own , often comparisons (like we all know the type of dude who will make you feel uncomfortable watching a film with nudity in your own home)
Thank god I finally found what feels like the last chopper out of Nam , a dude who doesn’t do any of these things and actively complains about and tries to stop his co workers who act like this. I can’t spend my life with someone who really is underneath it all usually insecure, emotionally immature, and uses objectifying women to cope and will call you a prude or jealous if you won’t tolerate it.
I’m just an adult who wants to date another adult with a full life of real priorities and interests!
Echoing everything that has been said. But I’m struggling A LOT lately dating as a childfree woman. I feel like in early dates I play the role of both man and woman – thinking, asking questions, planning ahead, maintaining a flirty energy. It’s exhausting.
Comments
Meeting men I find attractive
Meeting quality men that I am attracted to. I dont deal with it and have just totally stopped putting in any effort in dating lol
Men who are physically attractive.
Men who are equal or above me career wise.
Men who are not alcoholics or still meshed with their ex.
Men who don’t have ED and are good in bed.
The same I had in my early 20s and before I was raped at the age of 24. Someone who will accept I’m asexual. I’m sex neutral and don’t mind compromising out of love. It’s finding someone who is okay with that.
I was single from 20-33. Two months ago my ex fiance ended the engagement and relationship. I’m 35.5 now and I’m thinking it may be for the best for me to work on a loving relationship with myself.
Finding men that I am attracted to. I am not saying I am pretty but a lot of these men have let themselves go.
Until meeting my current man, the hard part was finding someone who added value to my life instead of just causing stress lol
I’m 37. Current challenges are: Men who want to date. Men who I find attractive. Not wanting to settle. Right now, I’m enjoying my own company.
Meeting men with no/minimal unresolved baggage, then meeting men with no/minimal unresolved baggage, then finding someone I can have chemistry with. I’m 37, only started investing time in romantic relationships when I was 34-35, so that might have been a contributing factor…
Finding someone that makes my life more enjoyable than it is alone
There’s really not much that’s unique to my age. It’s the same stuff it always is. The lesbian dating pool is pretty small, and otherwise, it’s just a matter of finding people whose priorities and lifestyles are compatible with mine. At the end of the day, it’s a numbers game, same as it always was.
The only thing that’s new post-40 for me is that I’m now often the older person in my relationships, and that’s a whole new dynamic compared to previous decades in which I was often the younger person, but it’s not a bad thing, just new.
Overall, it’s hard to find someone who is actually intentionally dating and not lying for their selfish gain.
Being told I should freeze my eggs and get a move on if I want kids. Also told I should be married and any guy is lucky to have me yet those guys didn’t feel that way with me.
Ok. I know I’m not a woman. So you are welcome to politely ask that I delete this. M34
However. The responses here just make me laugh.
As a man over 30. I have the exact same complaints about the women my age.
Under 30 and they are still figuring out the world and themselves. Over 30 and they have either just given up on health and fitness or they are working themselves to death to try to look like they are still in their 20s.
I think most of the country is so lonely that there is no happy medium anymore. No one to have absurd conversations with on a long walk till the sunsets. There is just ambition for the best mate that has it all or binge eating and depression.
Back when I bothered to date, the trouble was finding men who were both emotionally available and emotionally intelligent. Too many of them seemed to be both, but intentionally hid that they were terrified of commitment while acting the opposite.
Finding attractive, compatible men. Chemistry is rare and most men my age (I’m 43) have not aged well.
From the ages of 23-37 I worked intensely on my school and career. I now am financially stable and have a graduate degree. now at 39 I have the energy and freedom I had in my 20s, have the career of an established senior level professional and have the financial stability to complement all of that. So now, going on a date and meeting men that want to split the bill or talks about Pokémon or video games doesn’t do it for me. I would rather be alone and enjoy the fruits of my labor than allow someone into my life that is lackluster. Protecting my peace and safety is more important.
The biggest hurdle is that many are just flat out emotionally unavailable. Also difficult to find someone that is attractive in all senses. Can’t stay attracted to someone physically when they’re a shit person. Also hard to fall in love with personality when they don’t care for their appearance.
Finding someone I like and want.
I was actively dating until I met my now partner at 32 years old. The hardest part was how to keep up and not giving up cuz it’s a lot of disappointment and resentment. I wanted someone who I felt interested in getting to know them,who was good at taking care of things around themselves and furthermore was around me,who’s trustworthy,…those seemed like just regular standards to me but not easy to find when it came to reality.
Coming back to this when I can write a full response
Meeting men I’m actually interested in even going on a date with. When I was younger if they were attractive and we had a few things in common I would go on some dates to see how well we worked. Nowadays I am less interested in dating for the sake of dating and so I don’t want to go out with someone unless I’m actually interested in them. I find most men I meet don’t even get past my dealbreakers these days, or are terrible at communicating, or I’m just not attracted to. And these aren’t crazy standards or anything.
Finding the will to bother.
The biggest one for me is meeting men who don’t want children. That alone removes a huge section of the dating pool before even looking at other aspects of compatibility.
I ended up with a 28 year old when I was 36. Was meant to be a fling but he ended up being what I was looking for and visa versa.
I couldn’t find emotional intelligence or men that backed up their intent with action.
i find everyone boring
Single and just turned 40 here.
Men like to shoot themselves in the foot. They always say something fucking dumb.
Im not looking for commitment. Im looking for a FWB with an emphasis on the Friends part. I wanna hang out, play video games, and fuck.
I have an EXTREMELY high sex drive. Like, i want sex daily.
Im not asking for a lot. Treat me with respect. Speak to me with respect. Don’t treat me like a piece of meat.
Im still searching. Unfortunately.
Understanding that the right kind of guy will be both available as well as compatible.
I meet all kinds of men who are compatible but not available.
The ones available are not compatible.
C’est la vie 🤷♀️
Finding out the hard way why the single, never married, no kids population are single.
Well this makes me feel absolutely hopeless. 😂
I’m no prude and am okay to date emotionally mature kinky people but it is CRAZY how it is nearly impossible to find an adult man who doesn’t par take in some or all of the following objectifier behavior they try to pawn off as being “sex positive” and “normal”:
Thank god I finally found what feels like the last chopper out of Nam , a dude who doesn’t do any of these things and actively complains about and tries to stop his co workers who act like this. I can’t spend my life with someone who really is underneath it all usually insecure, emotionally immature, and uses objectifying women to cope and will call you a prude or jealous if you won’t tolerate it.
I’m just an adult who wants to date another adult with a full life of real priorities and interests!
Echoing everything that has been said. But I’m struggling A LOT lately dating as a childfree woman. I feel like in early dates I play the role of both man and woman – thinking, asking questions, planning ahead, maintaining a flirty energy. It’s exhausting.
Men