Older women I’ve been around always seem to genuinely advise younger women to “pick the rich one”, over maybe a loving relationship.
For women that married the “rich one” out of security, what has it been like?
r/AskWomen
Older women I’ve been around always seem to genuinely advise younger women to “pick the rich one”, over maybe a loving relationship.
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My sister is very unhappy with the rich one, so it didn’t really have much of a negative effect on her
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I didn’t marry a “rich one”, or even intentionally pursue my ex for his salary (which was regularly 2x mine when we were together, with his maximum earning potential being 4-5x mine in the long run) but I wanted to give my perspective anyways.
Having money doesn’t mean that he will be responsible with it, or even generous with it. My ex drove my car for two years while I took the bus, stopped paying rent for ten months, never bought groceries or household products, and never paid for a security deposit because he didn’t “believe” in a savings account (he put all of his extra money into stocks). I regularly had to front him money. By the end of our relationship he tried to kick me out of the apartment because he felt his salary gave him the right to our apartment, and when I eventually moved out he refused to give me back the $5k deposit I paid for until I said I would escalate it to small claims court.
If you insist on being with a rich man, make sure he’s kind, at least. And always maintain your financial independence regardless of his wealth.
It’s worked out well. I didn’t pick him just because he’s rich, but I’ve been with men similar in habit and compatibility to him who didn’t have as much money. It’s nice to not have to worry about whether we have enough money to pay the bills. And we can vacation where we want because we want to and not picking places because they are budget friendly. The kids can participate in the activities they want and won’t have to pick a lower tier college in the interest of saving us money or reducing their own student loan burden. I do work because I want to, but I don’t have to work jobs I hate or hours that suck because we have the household financial security to weather the storm of temporary unemployment.
My first husband was very wealthy, when we were dating that was fun and he loved to spoil me and treat me to awesome things….after we were married he became very controlling and definitely used his wealth and money to control and assert his dominance over me. I became very anxious and cried all the time, went on anti depressants, went to therapy….eventually he became physically intimidating and I left him….miraculously all the depression and anxiety went way.
Now I’m happily married, middle class, stable, married the kind one. Better choice.
My friend married the “rich one” because he is rich and she is living the ‘if you marry for money you earn every penny’ phrase. There is also a not insignificant age difference, in-laws are assholes, and husband is a tightwad, and a family business in a somewhat volatile industry dynamic going on. But he’s rich so she doesn’t have to work outside the home, so she sort of got what she wanted.
I didn’t marry him for security. I am highly educated and have a successful career of my own but he had built wealth that was far beyond anything I’ll ever make. We married young, when he was setting up his company. I encouraged him and we had a close partnership for many years- eventually he wanted more and more control and wanted me to me to be to be more trophy wife, less partner. He had an affair, we got divorced. He attacked me through expensive lawyers, made it out with my own savings and pocket change. I’ve gotten over it and am on a totally different path in life- prioritizing my career and being more open to living for joy and purpose in my own life. Am single, don’t know I’ll ever remarry or have a family but not concerned with it at the moment. What’s for you is for you.
My sister married a rich guy. He is a big time cheater, sportscar collector, world traveler, ego maniac, tall and handsome. I’m ten years younger than they are. I decided to work for everything I was going to get in life. It’s much better this way. She’s stayed married to him for 35 years, 3 kids and many STD’s.
My grandma has been married twice. First to a poor, mentally ill man. They met in the Air Force, he got drunk and decided to go back to his room but accidentally went into my grandmas room by mistake, got really embarrassed but grandma had him sleep off his drunken state there. They had 2 daughters (my mom and my aunt) and got divorced when my mom was like 7(?). By the time my mom was around 13ish grandma had met a new man. He was adopted by a wealthy family but raised by the nannies and never really knew what “family” was. He never had children of his own but raised my mom and aunt like his own. They are still together and deeply in love. (Step)Grandpa had his first heart attack about a decade ago when I was still a kid. I don’t remember much other than having to drive a long way several times to go to the hospital (we live in the country so it’s like 3 hours to get to the really good hospitals) and being in the hospital at night, walking down darkened hallways with my sister to the coffee pot at the end of the hall so we could get coffee. (Step) grandpa said that was the first time he truly felt what “family” was. He’s recently had another heart attack and mom advised us not to expect him to still be here next year and to visit them as much as possible before Christmas. During his most recent heart attack (luckily a minor one but his last one was major) grandma called me crying and sounded so scared while she told me they were heading to the hospital and to call my sisters and mom. She was distraught for 2 months after that since she knew he doesn’t have much longer but during more recent visits she seems to be dealing with it well. I’ve also heard from my mom that grandma will most likely move in with my mom after grandpa passes or move into a smaller house since she won’t be able to bear living there without him.
a bit different.
he became rich while we dated.
we were both not working when we met. I was on leave from teaching after a death in my family, he had just moved to my city and looking for work.
he was a freelance graphic designer, and landed a gig at a start up company. this was around 2010, when mobile apps were just taking off, and things like instagram were just coming out.
design after design, he won awards, the company blew up because of him. life was fun when there’s money, and parties, and award ceremonies.
after a bit, drugs and drinking got in his way, he became more abusive, tried to kill me, and I left.
he was fired and blacklisted.