For women: What are some things guys have said to you that made you uncomfortable, even though they didn’t realize it?
For women: What are some things guys have said to you that made you uncomfortable, even though they didn’t realize it?
r/AskWomen
For women: What are some things guys have said to you that made you uncomfortable, even though they didn’t realize it?
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“Hello” is one I get a lot.
“we don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with”
When a white guy asked me how I feel about black people. That was weird.
“You’ll get over it” or “ it is what it is” when expressing any form of complaint or discomfort. That’s extremely dismissive and kinda hurtful
A guy told me he doesn’t think about his kids on the days his ex has them. As a single mom, that made me uncomfortable.
You should smile more.
“How fast can you run?” This was asked during a phone call where we were planning to meet up. Needless to say, I didn’t meet him.
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Why are you single? No really, you’re so pretty/cool/smart why are you single?
Nice shirt!
Please don’t be compliment my shirt, if you like it say something more concrete like “love that color shirt” or JUST DONT
I wouldn’t say plural, but one time I was getting on a busy bus and when I sat down the guy beside me asked if my eyes were really green… Like wtf I didn’t even see you yet and you already looked at my eyes???
“I see you here all the time!” When it’s maybe the second time I noticed him. Immediately feel watched.
‘I think it’s cool that you’re a devil’s advocate, it’s useful to have around’
I didn’t realize expressing my opinion was being a devil’s advocate… Also you mentioning a plan and someone being like ‘Oh but what about this part of it? What are you going to do about that?’ Isn’t them being a devil’s advocate.
Also ‘useful to have around’ like what am I, your servant? You couldn’t have just said ‘I think it’s cool’ why does it have to somehow relate back to you and how a trait that I possess is good because it’s ‘useful’ to you.
Fucking gross man…
Yesterday an old dude came into the office where I work to ask me to make him a copy. I was wearing a dress, like I usually do when it’s warm.
“I like dresses. I’m from a dress generation. Not enough young ladies wear dresses these days.”
Ew.
“I’d put a baby in you” excuse me sir, that’s a threat.
I was a victim of CSA, and I immediately became wary and significantly less fond of anyone who makes “jokes” about that topic. I also have strabismus in my right eye, so anything someone says about that makes me instantly uncomfortable.
I’m technically underweight, so remarks about how thin I am, how I need to eat a burger, or whatever make me uncomfortable, too. I’m not as sensitive about that one, but I don’t appreciate such comments either.
“Don’t be afraid” after he already approached me once in front of friends and I didn’t react the way he wanted me to, doubled down while I was alone and lead with that because I tried to ignore him.
Worked in a grocery store when a customer (M) could have been in his 40’s or 50’s and whose wife was diagnosed with MS told me “you shouldn’t bend over like that” as I was trying to pick up something I accidentally dropped on the floor. I looked at him with disgust and disrespect he showed for his poor wife. I was in my early 20’s, trust me when I say I was in no way shape or form interested in a dirty guy who looked like the principal from the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. eeeeeew🤢
When I was in highschool, so in 2010, I was talking with a guy about the future, what our goals for our careers were and he told me he’d like to go to Saudi Arabia. I told him I wouldn’t.
And he asked quite surprised « why not?»
I got told often “you’re not like the other girls” on dates. I think it’s because I said I play video games? Idk but it was always followed up with them describing me like I’m some kind of fantasy in their head. It always weirded me out.
Worst one I got was a guy that followed it up with “you’re so cute you’re like an anime waifu” …… 💀
“You’re not like other girls”, “I’m not like those guys” , “I’m a nice guy”, “would you grow your hair out for me?” , “do all your friends want to fuck you?” , “the things I could do with you!”
“When are we walking home?”
Dude, I’ll walk myself home. YOU are the most dangerous thing on my walk home.
“I would totally pursue you if I was your age” – a family friend that had known me since I was born 😵💫
A cab driver told me how stunning I looked and asked me wether I had already “done it” when I was 17 and had professional make up done the first time. Now I know a) that I look incredible with make up and b) I will not wear make up when I am traveling alone
I 47 f, greeted as hello young lady by a older local pillar of the community. I’ve told him multiple times not to call me young lady but he continues. I’ve ignored him other times, tried the death stare, absolutely nothing stops this condescending creep. He does talk to everyone but he’s particularly gropey/huggy to women without men and women with children. I’ve asked him to stop talking to me, to leave me alone,but he always has some fake-sweet “have a good day anyway” crap. He willfully refuses to respect any boundaries.
And he’s been at my gym both of the last 2 days I went. He makes me want to vomit and go scrub myself clean. 10 out of 10 on the creep scale.
Told my dad his grown friend made me uncomfortable- “what do you expect? You’ve got tits and an ass now.”
Guy I dated for a few months: “I wouldn’t have dated you if I met you when you were wearing your glasses.” He also told me if he couldn’t date me no one could. Jokes on him because he went to jail and I bounced.
Random guy: You’d look great swinging naked across those banners.
Random guy: I don’t normally like short hair on women, but you make it look good.
If I had nickel for every “smile” comment I’d definitely have at least $5
I once had someone ask me if I’m worth their effort. I said “no doubt.” Then they looked at me accusingly and asked what sets me apart from other women.
I immediately lost interest. It made me uncomfortable to have to sell myself on why he should pursue me. I said thanks but no thanks and left…for whatever reason that unlocked something in him to give chase…but I was over it at that point.
A FWB made a joke/comment about my compression pants being ‘anti-rape’…
“It’s all good!” after asking a question that you need a definitive answer to. Does “It’s all good!” mean it’s really all good or you really don’t want to answer the question?
“your skin is so lovely, I wish I could wear it”
You’re so hot, you look just like my sister
Anything sexual without knowing me very well.
When they try to speed-run emotional intimacy.
Dude that I just met: (trauma dumps)
Me: that sucks.
Dude: (prying question about my trauma)
I was at a new job and work in a male-dominated field. I went to a co-worker’s office to ask a question and he asked if I’d be uncomfortable if he shut his office door and we were alone in his office. He said something about how he “didn’t want to make it weird.” It wasn’t weird until he made it weird, because I’m a professional, but that gave me an indication that he wasn’t. I was later proved very right when he lost his job due to inappropriate behavior with women.
Don’t worry, I won’t slip anything in your drink while you’re in the bathroom.
“Your husband is so lucky. If you two ever break up, I call dibs.”
This is the first one that pops in my head but believe me there’s a whole list…
When I complain about being harassed or mistreated by a man and an ostensible male friend is like “But aren’t you always saying you want attention from men?”
“It’s not like I’m going to rape you.” after politely (I thought) declining his offer to drive me home
I was weeding a planter box in the breezeway of my apartment complex and it started to drizzle.
As the mailman walked by he laughed and told me I was wearing the wrong color shirt.
He was the only “stranger” my beagle ever met, and in that moment I knew why she was afraid of him.
You’re prettier when you smile. Give me a smile. Smile, gorgeous.
Random male coworker asked me in a flirtatious way “are you planning on having kids 👀?” Just out of nowhere. Mind you, I am not married or in a relationship nor have I ever mentioned anything about my personal life or anything to this guy, it was my first time working with him-
And I’m like sir, I do not know you 😭 , why are you worried about my future kids, what’s it to you 😭. I feel like it might make more sense if I had been talking about relationships or my future plans or something, but this was randomly out of nowhere with a random dude 😭.
Also, a different male coworker that I was on friendlier terms with smelled really good one day so I said, “Hey ____, don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you smell really good. Is it a new cologne?”
And he seemed happy to receive a compliment and was like “Thanks! Yeah I just got it recently, good to know it was a good choice.”
And then I said, “What’s it called?”
And suddenly his whole demeanor changed and he said, “why are you asking? You got a boyfriend you trying to buy this for?” All defensively-
and then I kindof stared at him cause I wasn’t sure what to say, and I think he realized how awkward it was so he said, “if, you know, you got a boyfriend or something haha… do you?”
Like it was just a weird situation, especially cause I know men don’t receive a lot of compliments, so usually complimenting men on their cologne choices is usually safe and tends to make them happy, I even added “don’t take this the wrong way” so it doesn’t come across as flirting-
((I felt very awkward but responded, “Um, no… I don’t have a boyfriend… I was just wondering cause it smells really good, but it’s okay, don’t worry about it.
And then he says he forgot what the cologne is called but he thinks it’s from Burberry, and I’m like “okay thanks” and walk away-)
“Here’s a basket, pretty lady. And nice feet.”
It was 9am at the grocery store and I didn’t even want a basket cause I was only buying eggs
Describing me as feisty or scrappy when I’m genuinely angry about something. I’m not a toddler throwing a tantrum or a yappy little Chihuahua, I’m an adult who is expressing genuine anger and the fact I’m short and a woman isn’t a reason to take that less seriously.
Most recent ex (like of two days ago) said:
“I won’t eat a girl out until I determine that she has earned it and is deserving of it”
Meanwhile he constantly shoved my head down on to give him a bj.
Excuse me..??
When I was 17 and working at my first job at a grocery store. One of my coworkers had graduated from my high school the year before me, had been in some of my classes, and dated a girl I was friends with. So I knew him well, more so than my other coworkers. He was 19 at this point.
We were chilling in the back in the meat department during a really slow period. No one else was around, no coworkers or customers. We were just chatting and I was talking about how stressed I was with school, given it was my senior year and I was gearing up for college. Very casually, he said “you should let me fuck you. Then you wouldn’t be stressed anymore. We could do it right now back in the meat department; no one’s here.”
He meant it too. As a “favor” to me.
Grossed me the hell out. I very blatantly told him “that’s gross. No.” and found a reason to go back to the front. I wasn’t hostile about it, just matter of fact, because I still had to work with the guy and didn’t want to be making enemies at work when he was so close to the managers.
He kept bringing it up for weeks, up until his best friend (who also worked with us) asked me on a date, and then he finally stopped. Despite how many times I would stop engaging with him when he brought it up, how I’d walk away when he brought it up, never seemed to get through his head that I didn’t like it.
Anything he says in an Asian language. I have an Asian face but I only speak English and French.
I work in healthcare and have an older male patient that shouts (he has pretty bad hearing loss) across the waiting room, “WELL HELLO THERE, GORGEOUS!” at the top of his lungs every single time I take him back for his appointment, which is absolutely mortifying every time. He’s nice enough other than that, but that alone makes me dread seeing his name on the schedule.
It’s flattering in a sense- I’m not gorgeous, my husband is the only other person who would ever call me that 😂 But it’s also wildly inappropriate. I know I should just tell him that it’s inappropriate, and that he can’t say that, and that I’m a medical professional here to do a job and help him with a medical issue, but I worry about blowback from the company I work for, not to mention damaging my rapport with my patient.
I was shook up and upset after being sexually harassed yet again. I shared this with two male family members on separate occasions, and they both said, “Well, you’re a beautiful woman. That kind of thing happens,.”. 😧. WTF?? Since when is sexual harassment EVER okay??
I was catching up with an acquaintance from high school. We were complaining about getting old. He said his knees hurt, but said he hadn’t been on his knees lately 😉 Mind you, this was 10-15 minutes into the conversation …
Later, he admitted he reached out to me not only because it was my birthday but because he saw me on a dating app and if I would be interested in dating him. Nope.
Any unsolicited compliment from a random man. Just leave me alone please
“ Let’s go with the flow.”
Nope.
“I’ll make you a mommy one day”. Cute maybe after a long term deep commitment relationship, but super creepy on second date.
Saying that he follows Andrew Tate as a ‘joke’
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I met my friends boyfriend for the first time a few months ago and we started talking about the TikTok algorithm (innocent enough, right). Then he stated that his algorithm is very specific to his likes — it’s Hispanic women with big butts doing construction?? He explained my exact body type and ethnicity in one go and it made me pretty uncomfortable. It probably wasn’t aimed at me in any way…but I felt weird about it.
“I would be all over you if you weren’t my cousin.” Yep, my cousin said that. At his sister’s wedding.
They continued to insinuate references trying to provoke a response to indicate my relationship status. Fishing for rhetoric.
An ex-FWB told me I need to do glute exercises to improve my booty, then acted surprised when I felt unattractive on vacation and didn’t want to take any photos to send him.
“When are you gonna smile?” It’s such a small thing, but it always feels like I’m being told how to feel for someone else’s comfort.
An old friend of mine asked if I had a sister, I told him yes but she’s mental (we don’t get along) and continued to tell him how she’s a nightmare for me to be around, this was over months. He then proceeds to date her after first meeting her…
I stopped talking to him after that other than when I see him through my sister. He messaged me out the blue asking to go for pints, then texts again saying, “platonic pints” that shit made me scrunch my face so quick and feel uneasy I didn’t know what to say, so didn’t even open the message.
For context, him and my ex used to be “sesh” buddies, so we were never really friend friends, I’d only see him when we were both drunk or off our faces. He also stays in touch with my ex and keeps joking that he will invite us both out together but not tell me until I’m there, my ex was abusive to me and this dude knows it. I have told him I don’t find that funny and never to share my new address with my ex (old mate helped me move after my sister convinced him, so old mate knows my address and has it saved on his satnav)
Since I got sober he has continuously tried to get me to drink and party ever since. Even to the point of the last time I did go to a gig with him, plyed me with booze and convinced me to go to an afters with him and take lines of snow and molly. Once I started to sober up again during the party I freaked tf out and just wanted to go home, him and my sister didn’t understand… To them, if I actually wanted to stay sober, I would have just said no and I didn’t have to pay for anything, so what is the problem?… So I guess they both make me uncomfortable by their actions as well.
There’s so much more, but that’s the highlights.
TLDR; my old mate is dating my sister after I told him not to, he coerced me into breaking sobriety, jokes about hooking me up with my abusive ex he’s still mates with and asked to go for pints and immediately makes a pint of saying, “platonic pints”…. Just ick.
Back at one my old jobs there was a security guard that I used to be friendly with. Don’t even remember the context but one time he randomly mentioned which exit I took off the highway when going home lol.
Some stories from the same guy, an acquiantance, who often excused his mysogyny because he was “drunk and would never think that sober”:
Said really drunk while I was giving him a henna tattoo: “The problem we have is that we dont prioritizd the family unit with a man and a woman.” Im bi and decided to troll him by saying I’m gay sir and he was perplexed.
During the same henna tattoo: “men dont like women who have had a lot of dicks inside her.” I genuinely dont know how the conversation got there.
He was driving me and my bf to the state fair, and I mentioned my friend who would be there. He asked, “Is she hot?” Repeatedly, because i was stunned silent. So
He kept asking every other second. I dont even remember what I answered I ended up ranting to him about conservative white supremacist regime in the US.
That same day he got wasted, and came up to me bragging about how he asked a girl for her number and then made her wait for him to call to check it was real , “but not in a creepy way.”
Once told me that he had trouble being friends with girls but then realized that you just have to talk to them like a guy or any other normal person. Which fine, learn your lesson but also…. ive known this since i was a kid???
once a boy told me that i have an awful style. he said that as a joke, but made me feel really bad
My home state required 6 hours of driving with a certified instructor in order to get a learner’s permit at 16 years old. This was typically done in 3 separate 2hr blocks, which in retrospect is SO much driving and so draining, especially as a new driver.
Anyway I was 16 and decided to wear a cute dress to school that day even though I normally wear jeans and a Tshirt. Nothing crazy, it was black and purple plaid and layered over a long sleeve shirt and tights. Cute as hell. My 3rd and final block of driving with my instructor was right after school. I get into the car and the instructor, who is old enough to be my old dad/young grandfather told me I “looked very attractive today” and then I was stuck in a car for 2 hours. Thankfully I never had to see him again but 16 years later I still feel uncomfortable thinking about it.
Pressuring me to go with everyone to get drinks after work. He refused to take no for an answer for a very uncomfortably long time until he finally was like, “No one else is here but you.” Then yelled down the hall to confirm, and thankfully, one coworker was still there. We had been reasonably chummy before, but not after that.
Any man that has tried to talk to me when I’ve been walking alone at night. Sure maybe you really did need directions I don’t know and I don’t care do not talk to me.
Yesterday my best friend told me he uses part of my name and birthdate as one of his passwords. Idk why it made me wanna nope outta my skin and shoot to space lol.
Oh god this takes me back to when I was talking to my sister’s fiancé’s brother about planning the wedding and other events. After the wedding we stayed in touch. He was sweet to talk to, so we got to talking even more and he one day called me in the middle of the night and said “ I want to put a baby inside you and watch you grow”
I was stunned. All i could come up with was I am not a tree you dumbass. I felt nauseous and suddenly so afraid for my sister.
She knows he is a freakshow now. I told her everything. He freaks her out too from time to time.
In a conversation with someone more senior in their career talking to me about tech developments lately, refers to the deployment of AI in the “adult entertainment” industry and how tech is used to pick up on what viewers are attracted to (vs not) in the moment, so the content they consume is tailored real-time. EW.
For reference I was 25 at the time.
“I’m not sexist, but damn — a woman is better than me?”
“I’d pay for you.”
Questioning why I don’t have kids yet. I’m 29
“You’re not like the other women”. I don’t know if they think this will ignite pick me energy making me want to constantly earn their approval but it makes me uncomfortable because I get the immediate feeling that I’m talking to a man who does not like women. They’re attracted to women, but otherwise may not inherently respect or like them.
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When I put on my glasses I’ve gotten “you look like Mia Khalifa” face wise I look very different. My friend who looks similar to me also gets the Mia Khalifa comparison it’s just uncomfortable for some reason. No shade at all to Mia Khalifa it just seems so odd to compare someone you barely no to a pornstar.
That he can do whatever he wants to his kids because they are expendable and he can just make more kids.
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I guy I fooled around with told me he could have made me stay and have sex with him if he wanted. I was out of there so fast…
Where in the city do you live? Asked by someone I just met. Wild.
I had a male coworker say “I threw her in the garbage outside” when my mom (the manager) asked him where I went (I was in the bathroom)
Same coworker also joked about “selling” me to himself, which I guess is a thing where he’s from (Nigeria)
He also constantly made comments on my appearance, including my weight, and that I shouldn’t have my tattoos, piercings, or short hair.
He once told me he would touch mine and other girls’ butts very lightly without us knowing while at work.
He also told me there was a time at his college where he was literally GROPING this girl’s ass in the middle of a lecture and because she wasn’t responding to it, he thought that meant it was okay.
He also told another male coworker (who I’m friends with, he’s super nice) that he wanted to f*ck his sister. She is gay. Mt friend had to hold back the urge to punch him. It’s still brought up a lot to this day.
A guy who is a regular at the trivia I go to screenshotted my dating profile to show me he saw it, but he showed me in front of a big group and it made me feel forced to acknowledge id seen his.
I have so many. The first that comes to mind, although definitely not the worst one: I talked about how I used to have a matching tattoo with my high school best friend, but I had since got it covered cuz we had a falling out in my early 20s. He said “see that’s that female shit.”
Then again, I guess having standards on how your friends act is something men don’t practice.