Was it worth it to take on the economy so that you could get away from the instability?
For you guys that moved out to escape mentally unstable parents, how are things going for you economically?
r/AskMen
Was it worth it to take on the economy so that you could get away from the instability?
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I got disowned and kicked out a week after my 18th birthday. Never looked back.
Economically? I get by, I get stressed out about money sometimes but I still can enjoy life. Mentally, it has been a godsend. Weirdly enough, I have a better relationship with my parents now that I’ve moved out
Freedom is worth every struggle.
I did this. I grew up in a Jerry Springer family. I won’t go into the details because whatever I write won’t do justice to the chaos I grew up with and needed to manage.
It was tough and honestly did set me back financially. I had to use student loans for housing while I was in school and after I graduated for as long as I could. When I did return home I only stayed there 3 months. Why 3 months? I vowed that if I didn’t get this job I had interviewed for the I would either voluntarily become homeless or find a friends family and ask them for help. Yes, being homeless was a better alternative than living with my parents. Fortunately I got the job. This was 10 years ago.
However, the mindset I had which made me realize how screwed up my family was (is), and my resolve to get away from that environment, was a huge asset in the real world. I have done very well for myself because I learned how to be emotionally disciplined, think under pressure, work resourcefully, and move through life independently.
I always believed deep down I have more to offer the world. I made the decision at a very young age that I wasn’t going to let my circumstances decide my fate. That drove me to keep going. I still have that feeling in my soul. It took me a many more years to learn how to utilize my inner restlessness and energy productively, as opposed to towards anger and resentment of my parents.
To answer your question directly: it is very risky, you will be behind your peers for many years financially, but you’ll almost surely end up much further ahead in life in terms of emotional, spiritual, and interpersonal development. I gaurentee you’ll be a much more resilient person and much more capable of going out in the world on your own. For me I believe it was worth it because I think I would have ended up mentally unstable.
Now, my sister did the opposite. She stayed with my parents well into her late 20s. She is indeed financially ahead of me, but she really struggles with emotional problems and alcoholism. I personally believe she should have left my parents and came to live with me when I offered her a place to stay. Granted, it was a shitty place, but it wasn’t a home with two unpredictable volatile maniacs.
I don’t think you should compare yourself to you friends who have a good loving family and support system.
Meh. My parents were just as unstable as my friends: and I couldn’t afford to live on my own. I’ve also had a girlfriend most of that time who is now my wife. So dual income for a big chunk of that. Was still pretty hectic the first few years.
You sorta just make the jump and it levels out when it does. It’ll feel like chaos for awhile regardless.
That’s what makes it fun and rewarding though. It’s your chaos.
I moved out at 19yo to study in another city. But it was also the only way to get away from my parents. Back then living under the same roof with my mother was extremely conflictual and if I did not do it right at this time I don’t know if we would be in speaking terms today. Maybe something really bad would have happened if I stayed a bit more. Fights were starting to get physical.
Honestly the first few years were tough. I managed to make it by just focusing on studies and staying home all the time and playing video games. No other extra activities.
At some point I lost my student housing because I did not qualify anymore. Luckily I was already employed so I managed to find a place to stay but for a month or so I was technically homeless. I was living on my sister’s couch and she was about to kick me out when I found the place I still live in. It’s not great. It’s small, things are falling apart, there is mold, rats and cockroaches and ants. But it’s not that bad either (it’s worse on paper than in real life). The problem is that despite being financially comfortable now, I can’t afford to move out. I could move out far away where it’s cheap but I would lose my job, all my social life, and all my hobbies. And there is no work in my field away from the very expensive city I live in. It would be restarting from scratch and I’m not ready to give up yet.