This morning, I woke up early and went to the gym like I usually do. Everything was normal. I came back home, walked into our bedroom, and noticed something strange on the bed—a small piece of a condom wrapper. Not a full wrapper, just a corner of it, but very obviously from a condom pack.
I was immediately confused because I hadn’t used one recently with my boyfriend, and we usually dispose of them properly. I checked our Ring cam footage for the time I was gone, and it only shows two people home during that time: my boyfriend and his mother (my future MIL). No one else entered or left the house.
Now I’m sitting here trying to make sense of this and not spiral. There are a few possibilities running through my head, and none of them feel good:
Did something happen while I was out?
Was it already on the bed from another time and just went unnoticed?
Could it somehow be unrelated (even though I can’t think how)?
I haven’t said anything yet because I don’t want to jump to conclusions. But I also can’t ignore how unsettling this feels.
Has anyone been in a situation like this before? What would you do if you were me? How do I bring this up without sounding accusatory, but still protect my peace?
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Hi Guys , Just a quick question I have been putting a lot of thought into. Need your opinion or thoughts., 1 month ago
My Evil FMIL, 1 month ago
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Honestly, don’t even know what to say to that but yuck! So either mom and son are either crossing boundaries, or she’s planting it in your room to make it seem like he’s doing something shady. I’ve read your last post and she’s obviously a jealous boy mom. Do you think there is a possibility of it being what we clearly this it is?
I want to say that you need to confront him, but no one in their right mind is going to come clean if that’s the case. Maybe you should plant some small video cameras around the house. My fil was living in my house and going through our room, so I got some that looked like charging boxes for cables from Amazon.
I’m sorry, that’s such a crappy thing to be thinking is a possibility.
Definitely something to take note of but it really sounds like you’re starting to spiral without any context beyond there’s a piece of a condom wrapper on your bed. I’m not saying ignore signs but certainly don’t start trying to find smoke just because you’re in the woods.
So, it’s possible that it is from another time and just got onto the bed because some clothes were moved around, something put on the bed and then removed, etc.
But, how is your relationship with your MIL? How does she feel about yours’ and your bf’s relationship? Do you think it’s possible that she planted something like that for you to discover, to break up your guys’ relationship?
Hang steady. When bringing it up to your boyfriend, try something like “Hey bf, I found what looks like a bit of condom wrapper on the bed [show wrapper]. I’m trying to think through how it got there but honestly I’m too freaked out to think clearly. Can you help me figure out where it came from?”
And then listen to how he replies. Does he try and minimize how you’re feeling, dismiss the issue entirely, or try and brush it aside without addressing it at all? Major red flags that your bf is the source or otherwise knows how it got there.
Does he listen to you, validate how you’re feeling/agree with the fact that it’s weird af, let you be freaked out/comforts you? Major green flags that your bf has no idea where it came from either, even if you guys don’t get any solutions.
The same applies to your MIL, if you decide to randomly bring it up. If she minimizes the issue, refuses to linger on the topic, or makes it YOUR problem, that’s a big red flag that she’s involved in some way.
Listen, and if you aren’t used to sussing out this kind of thing, also pay attention to how you feel after these conversations, that can sometimes be a better gauge than figuring out the nuances of what was said. If you feel like garbage, like the issue is unresolved, or like you’re in the wrong after the convo with your bf/MIL, chances are (if you don’t have earlier cheating/trust issues) that the conversation went poorly/was a red flag. If you have no answers but feel secure about yourself and your feelings after the convo, things are probably OK with that particular person.
If you HAVE been cheated on in a previous relationship, though, you’re probably also dealing with lingering trauma, which can throw your internal gauge through a loop. In that case, I’d try to focus on facts as much as possible, and be sure to focus on tone and probable intent rather than how any particular thing made you feel. Difficult, I know. But trauma messes up a lot of your internal wiring around the issue to try and protect yourself from it happening again – it takes a lot of work with a therapist or other trained, experience person to really work through it.
tl;dr: talk to your bf. People guilty/lying will try and dismiss, minimize, or otherwise hide what they did. Someone who’s being honest (and is mature) will focus on you and the issue instead, and make sure you’re OK. Use “I-feel” statements rather than “you-made” statements: “I found this, I’m freaking out” not “you put this here, you need to listen” to make sure the statements don’t come off accusatory.
Good luck!
Definitely do NOT go straight in with asking them if they had sex lol. Do you and your bf normally keep condoms around? It could have most likely been from a different time. Or maybe he did something alone but didn’t want to make a mess? Casually ask him if he knows anything about it or when it was from but I also think its extremely unlikely it was him and MIL…hopefully LOL
Or did MiL place it there to try to stir up trouble between you two?
You should have a calm , non-accusatory conversation with your partner. Asking questions in a puzzled manner would work.
Rich man’s wank?
Logically I think it is just an old wrapper that you have missed seeing before, however, your previous posts show your FMIL is a nightmare. She could have planted it hoping to cause trouble between you and her precious son.
My husband’s family had cameras over their house and he knew how to avoid them when bringing someone (me) over.
So I have a box that I keep adult toys in. You know, wands, lube, fuzzy cuffs…more. A few times the plastic security seal from a new bottle has ended up there.
Do you have a container or drawer like this where a wrapper might have been tossed during fun times and then ended up falling out because someone was in that container or drawer?
If that isn’t a possibility, I’d be asking some questions.