A couple weeks ago I had found my very close friend/off and on partner dead, oded on fentanyl. he had been hanging out with me the whole night prior and it was in the morning when i found him. he never did fentanyl and we all tried stopping him from doing it as he expressed his interest in doing it that night, which was extremely out of character. he suppose to go to bed but went to walk around and never came back until i found him there, in the park. he had been dead for four/five hours when i had found him.
now i’m so traumatized, i can’t get his face out of my mind or when i had to watch his limp body get propped up the fence behind him.
i am still so confused and angry but i can’t actually believe he’s dead, my brain literally can’t believe it and i keep thinking he’s alive even though i can remember his cold body. a part of me knows he’s dead but another part wants to keep believing he’s alive, i’ve also been experiencing delusions? possibly? i can weight out the logic but i majorly believe he’s communicating with me and talking to me. logic doesn’t matter to me anymore though. i’ve also become extremely violent and anxiety ridden, bordering abusive and keep binge drinking.
is a reaction like this normal? what would u guys recommend for this !? can i have some advice on how to deal with this?
Found best friend dead
r/Advice
Comments
Counseling please!❤️
So sorry for your loss and the pain you are in. Definitely get counseling. Your health insurance may cover it. Regardless of cost I feel it’s mandatory for what you’re experiencing.
Look into joining AA.. I’ve seen it do incredible things for people I know and help them find a healthy purpose with their lives.
Surrounding yourself with good people/family and going out in nature, reading or just walking around town by yourself with some good music is more healing than you think.
I recommend looking into Ho’oponopono practice. “I’m sorry, forgive me, thank you, I love you.”
There is likely some regret along with the loss and suffering you are experiencing. Just know that you are not to blame for this, no one has to be. Don’t seek pain, violence and misery. Your friend wouldn’t want that for you.
Please find a healthy alternative to the drinking/unhealthy patterns. Even something simple like when you get the urge to drink alcohol try indulging in something that you love. I love tea and would make it a practice to make a cup of tea and sit on my back porch. Really allowing myself to enjoy every sip and breath I take when I was deep in a depression after losing a loved one. Find what works for you. Hoping the best for you.
Playing tetris helps studies have shown.
I’m not trying to be insensitive, but it helps trauma not to turn into anything long-term or a massive problem years down the road. Though, I’m sorry for your loss and how the news reached you.
For another piece of advice, don’t try and keep forgetting that it happened. You’ll keep remembering even more, and you’ll fear the memory. I know it may sound cruel, but I think for the long run, it will hurt far less once brought up or remembered, it’s a memory meant to stay. So, I’d say try paradoxical intention. Search it up. But you want to believe he’s still alive. You want him to be alive, of course, but maybe be straightforward with yourself and repeat the obvious to yourself in that he has died. There’s nothing you can do now about him, I’m sorry about anything I said was insensitive. I hope you get better.
Stay safe.