I met my partner during freshman week of community college in 2009 when we were both 18—we’re 34 now. We were friends for 14 years before we started dating early last year.
We weren’t close until we both transferred to university in a new city in 2011 and ran into each other in an intro psych class.
I got married in 2014, which he attended just two days before his dad passed away. After that, it was a quiet year, though I knew through occasional chats and social media he was still in school. I graduated spring 2015 and assumed he did too, since a couple months later he reached out as a new investment advisor and asked if I wanted to be a client.
He had kids with someone else in 2018. I separated from my ex in 2019, then the pandemic hit, and we didn’t see each other much for a few years. In 2022, he and his partner split. Then in early 2024, we finally got together—and we’ve been very happy! House hunting and planning a future. He’s shared with me wanting to move on from his eight-year role as a senior banker to become a director of finance.
Then last night, over tacos, he casually dropped that he never graduated university—he was one writing course short. I was stunned. I’ve always said “we graduated,” or joked, “how did WE get through university”, and he never corrected me.
When I reacted, he got awkward, saying life happened—his dad died, he needed to work, then came the kids.
But his dad passed in August 2014, and his first child wasn’t born until December 2019—so he had years to take one writing course, even online. I’m just a bit thrown. It’s not all about the degree—it’s the surprise, after all this time.
Is this the Mandela effect? Did I dream something he never actually said? I have visions of him at his business school graduation. Why? lol
Its also the principle of the matter; being that close to a degree and just… not. He said he doesn’t need the degree to “make more money at his job” at this point.
That may be true for the place he’s been for eight years, but what about his goal of moving elsewhere to become a director of finance?
I also know writing comes very easily to me (and math to him), so I may just be more blown away that’s what’s holding him back.
We ended the conversation by him saying he agrees he should just get it done. I don’t know why the feeling of irritation is lingering today lol. I feel so weird that he was just so okay with this until I lit a fire under him last night.
You think you know someone… lol
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Given he’s progressed in his career as far as he has, he probably didn’t end up actually needing the degree. I don’t have one either and I make low six figures after just 10 years in a trad corporate career. I think about going back now and again, because not having one does make it harder for me in the job application process, but I’ve never been unemployed even through covid layoffs for longer than 3 months because my experience makes up for what I lack in formal education for enough of a number of companies that it’s not a problem.
Honestly what’d I’d would find more frustrating is the waste of time and resources.. ONE CLASS!?!
Most universities have a policy where they don’t count credits that are over 10 years old, so if he were to try to “finish” that degree he’d actually be starting over all because of one writing class.
I just find it to be so irresponsible and short sighted. It’s not even about the degree itself or whether or not he has one. I’m irritated and this has nothing to do with me lmao. 🤣
Edit: Typos
Can he actually hold his job without a bachelors degree? Many companies have rules about this from HR.
I find it bizarre not only that he lied, but that he supposedly had these roles or wants roles without the credentials.
Firstly I’ll say that when my dad died unexpectedly, it wasn’t just a momentary setback. I left grad school in 2014, took care of my mom, had a hard time with the grief for YEARS.
In the mean time I had a good paying job, met a guy, got married and I didn’t get back to grad school until 2020 when I didn’t have anything better to do in the pandemic. A few months later I had a master’s degree.
saying there was a lot of time between the singular date his dad died and when he had kids is really unfair.
Life really does just get in the way sometimes and when your plate is full, it’s full. I think you’re being pretty judgemental of him. “One little thing” to you may be a huge thing to someone else.
It can be surprising how far people can advance in their careers without a degree. However, counting on this luck can be very dangerous – it happened to a very talented and kind who passed away. His last few years were full of incredible stress, which I swear very much contributed to his untimely death, because his lack of a degree really hindered him from security.
He was similar to your husband in having done very well for himself when he was younger, in a way that would lead a person to think it was unnecessary to have a degree. Unfortunately the way hiring works nowadays, people with decades of experience at the top of their fields, and tons of respect from important people won’t even be considered because algorithms automatically throw out resumes without the right degrees.
I mean if he’s hiding that what else is he hiding? Are you sure he’s actually a senior banker and not a lower level employee or did he lie to his employers about his education? Most big banks are not going to hire or promote someone to a senior banking position with no degree. I know two women who found out their partners were lying about their jobs and lied about their education. One guy didn’t want to tell his wife he dropped out of school so he pretended to still go every day until he got caught. And he’s going to have to finish that degree and maybe even get a masters to become a director of finance. That’s a competitive field. I would be pissed if I were you. You have to be transparent about these things when planning your future together.