CW: Eating disorder recovery, no details about behaviors or body size
Husband and I had to stay with MIL and FIL for almost a month while we were moving. Things got so awful and stressful my hair started falling out. I decided to talk to husband’s cousin to get a better idea of the family dynamic as a whole. I know she and her parents (husband’s aunt and uncle) don’t like MIL, so I felt safe doing so.
We had a long conversation and I learned some disturbing things about how MIL treated cousin as a child. Called her a slut, berated her for her looks, etc. Gave me some insight as to how she’d treat any kids we have.
Ultimately, cousin told me that a week after our wedding (we got married late 2023), MIL called her parents to rant about me. Cousin was there so she heard the conversation. MIL told them she hated me, that I talk back, and that I don’t contribute to the household. For context: I wasn’t working at the time because I was in treatment for my ED. She told them how annoying it was and that I was making it up for attention because I’m a picky eater. My picky eating is entirely unrelated, and I have no issue feeding myself at large gatherings or restaurants. MIL is the only person in my life who feels put out by it. She also believes I’m lying because of my size.
I’m really mad and hurt because I’ve spent the last five years trying my best to build a relationship with her without driving myself insane. She only knew about my ED because my husband told me his parents would be understanding. In fairness to him, at the time I hadn’t brought up her treatment of me because she didn’t show her true colors until 3ish months before our wedding, which was after I decided to get help.
I told husband about this and he believes everything except her saying she hates me. He thinks his parents would’ve said something if they didn’t like me. He immediately said we’d never share personal info again, and that I could dictate what personal info meant to me. It just sucks because it’s a huge violation of trust and it’s so easy for her to pretend like everything’s perfectly normal.
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I don’t know if this is a comfort for everyone, but it would be for me so I wanted to point it out – you now know more than she does about this situation and she has no clue that you are so well informed about how she behaves behind your back. I’d gloat a little about that. She can flutter around talking crap like the petty person she is while you focus on your health and living well. One other thing – It’s always risky to trust others from the JustNo’s family too much so I would be cautious about sharing information even with the cousin, but it still has to feel good that her own niece, even out of a sense of family loyalty, didn’t cover for her.