We were LDR, he introduced me to his family, met mine too, everything felt legit. Turns out, the real girlfriend messaged me receipts, photos, even a recent trip with him. When I confronted him, he asked for “time.” I gave him none and dumped him.
Now I’m stuck with memories, gifts, and anger. Even his parents and friends knew I was the side piece. He stayed for the perks, not for me.
How do I stop replaying it in my head? Every little thing reminds me of him. Any advice on how to heal from being used and lied to would really help right now.
Found out my “boyfriend” had a secret 4 year relationship and I was the side chick and the sugar mommy
r/Advice
Comments
there is no magic bullet. remember you’re not the sucker. It’s him who’s the bastard. direct your feelings into contempt for him and focus on giving yourself space to grive the relationship and then make an effort to move on.
don’t expect it to be smooth sailing, but also, don’t give yourself too much time to get stuck in your head. get out there and so stuff you enjoy.
look at it this way if everyone is life knew and said nothing that means you found a pocket of awful people and he was a product of it. be thankful that you found out when you did and that you got out, also that you are not his other gf who has no idea that he has a side chick. its going to take time but you will get there. the guy was an asshole, take time and heal from this.
You were deeply betrayed, and it’s completely valid to feel hurt, used, and angry. Start by cutting all contact, block him, his friends, even his family. Toss or donate what reminds you of him. Journal the truth: not the fantasy, but the lies he told. You’re not grieving love, you’re grieving what you thought was real. Healing takes time, but each day you choose you, not him, is a win. You weren’t the side chick, you were the one with the heart. That’s his loss.
You had a bad guy from a bad family. Thank God you finally found out and are not still wasting your valuable time with this man. In the future, you would be wise to find someone close to home that you can actually know well. LDRs seem to be fraught with problems. I think you can heal by looking at the red flags you missed and trying to take this as a learning experience that you will never repeat. You were scammed.
I’m a firm believer of karma. He’ll have his day. I know it must be hard but put your best foot forward and keep moving ahead. Eventually the pain will lesson and the memories will be fewer in between. Sorry this happened to you and that you weren’t give a choice. Think of this as a blessing in disguise. You got this!
I’m very sorry you had to go through that, you didn’t deserve to meet someone so cruel. That was a big part of your life and now you need to take time for yourself to grieve and let go of it, you cannot rush the process too much unfortunately. But you can make it better by surrounding yourself with your friends and family, do things you’ve been pushing back for a while, be nice to yourself and treat yourself like you would treat your best friend. Exercise helps tremendously, even if it’s super hard to find the motivation when you’re so down, just running 10 or 20 minutes is enough. One thing that helped me go through really tough time was to have little trinket, it can be anything. For me it was a necklace I still wear everyday. When you spiral in your thoughts, hold it tight and say something, a prayer or anything you feel like saying if you’re not a believer, it can just be “I can handle this” over and over. Good luck, one day you’ll be absolutely okay and you’ll be stronger than you’ve ever been
Not easy to recover from such a massive betrayal. Only time will help you healing. In the meantime cut links and block all people involved (him, his family,…) and focus on yourself. A therapy may help you too.