My boyfriend 31M and I 27F have been living together for 4 years. He cheated on me and I was dumb and stayed… this was two years ago. Our relationship became so much better and we really worked through a lot. One thing we haven’t done is go through each other’s stuff since I found him cheating. Yesterday , his computer was open and I clicked on a file and saw him in a ski mask on his back, a machine dildo dick thing, and my lace leg lingerie. I told him we needed to talk – he told me he just recorded it for himself… is this true??? I have fully supported him and never shamed him – but this hurt me because I feel like why would he just record that for someone else?
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Not at all the same but I record myself playing drums all the times and never show anyone it’s just for me to review so I’m 50/50 personally but I don’t this guy.
What’s ya gut say?
First of all: congrats on not freaking out over the ski mask, fuck machine and lingerie combo. You must be an exorbitantly chill human to take that in stride.
Now, do you have the file? You should be able to reverse vid or image search for it online. Otherwise it’s up to you. He might be recording it for an OF, he might be recording cam sessions (possibly paid), or it might actually be that he likes to get off by himself on machinated penetration while feeling bonita.
Whether you believe him is up to you. Are these particular kinks new to you, or is it more the fact it was filmed that bothers you? Have you guys had a conversation about this that didn’t focus on whether or not he recorded it for someone else?
Edit: Sorry, you have not had a convo yet. You already provided that info.
I take it from other comms that the skimask/dilly thing was new? You said you’ve never shamed him, can I take that to mean he is known to have a lil’ more risqué preference in the bedroom?
We don’t know if it’s true. But I also have a number of recordings of myself practicing the piano, so I can watch and listen to it again. Maybe he’s turned on by watching himself back, maybe he isn’t.
If you don’t trust him and your gut says go, you go. Nothing you can do about it. You can go through his sent e-mails, can check to see if he’s on any sites and get confirmation. And maybe he is, but you still won’t find him. If you can easily let go of that thought once you have “confirmation” that he isn’t on OF / The Hub / etc, all good. But if you still find yourself questioning him even when he’s proven that he really didn’t share this with anyone, that tells you all you need to know.
I would leave just because of the cheating honestly. Don’t need more reason then that. But idk that might just be me.
Sounds like the life of the party 🎊
honestly, there’s no real way to know if he sent it to anyone or uploaded it anywhere. my own gut is saying maybe he goes on cam sites or is selling content.
personally, i take pics and vids of myself that i end up never sending to anyone or doing anything with, but i also occasionally post on twitter or OF when the mood strikes, so take that with a grain of salt i suppose.
I’d sit him down and talk with him, it’s not kink shaming, he broke your trust and that’s not acceptable.
Damn hes cheating on you with men too
I’m 61M and have experienced with life. He has a dark side. I would never think of doing something like this. He must watch porn etc.. my advice to you would be end this relationship. If I wanted to do kinky stuff I would ask my partner first. What he did would not be what I would think is kinky. That’s another level. They’re probably things that you haven’t caught him doing yet. This is just my 2 cents. You are still very young and sound like a great person.
Is the fact that he’s into that sort of stuff new to you? Cause that’s a big factor. I assume you knew already cause as a presumably heterosexual woman in a heterosexual couple with a presumably heterosexual man, I don’t know how you’d be able to take it to so calmly otherwise.
Hiding something like those types of kinks? Using YOUR lingerie that HE GIFTED you? Using a dildo? Filming himself while being fucked?
I would be very touched if I didn’t know or expected this from my partner. I’d also be hesitant to believe he did it for himself. The fact that he cheated only makes it even more likely that he still sees no problem in engaging in sexual behaviors with other people. He did it in real life, what makes you think he wouldn’t do it online?
And even if he indeed did it only for himself, he still used something of yours that he gifted you probably with the intention of using it for himself, disgusting, and hid a huge part of his sexuality from you.
It’s the break of trust for me. This man fundamentally showed you in multiple ways you can’t trust him
I don’t have any advice but you posted about it a year ago so guess this isn’t a new problem!
I’d assume he’s selling that as content in the year of our lord 2025
He’s either having an affair with other men, or he’s a transexual.
The ski mask part is wild , blud is freaky
So you are living with cross-dressing cheater who threatens people with a dildo. You need to get your shots – it might be contagious.
Op have you ever pegged this man before is this like just news to you ?
Boys will be boys.
Is he selling that on OF ? Might be
I mean sometimes when I’m doing fucked up kink shit I like to record myself for myself as like it feels more humiliating recording it (even if I know no one else is gonna see it)
Also again looking back on it turns me on because it’s like self-degradation watching it back idk how to describe it.
So I don’t think his explanation is entirely unreasonable.
My thought is why is he recording this if not to share it? I can’t really see someone recording videos of themself for their own benefit. This seems to me like something he might be sharing with others.. which honestly sounds like more cheating. This would be a dealbreaker, and I’m not shaming but too weird for me.
all these level headed comments.. just leave and find someone else. We’re all thinking it