Hi my wife and I have been together for 5 years. Over the past year we have sex once a week. She wants to have more but I somehow only want to have once per week.
Earlier in our relationship we used to do it a lot more often and tried all sorts of stuff, but now it’s the same routine kinda sex. Is this normal? and now it’s become a thing and that also sometimes affects me mentally and gives me anxiety. Is that too little for our age?
We are 29-30 years old. She definitely is not content and I want to know if the frequency is normal and if someone else went through this and how they got out of this?
TL;DR frequency of sex with partner
Comments
All relationships differ and everyone’s sex drive fluctuates depending on many circumstances and they don’t fluctuate together just because you have a partner.
We’re the same age and we have had a one year dry spell once, we’ve had sex 8 times in a year once, but for the most part we’ve had sex multiple times a week and continue to do so.
Are you living healthy? Exercising eating healthy? Talking supplements?
maybe you need to bring back the all sorts of stuff back?.
So OP at your age that’s probably a little less then normal. However what is “normal”. It comes down to what you each want and if different what you can compromise on. A hill you don’t want to do die on is telling her once a week is what everybody else is doing. Instead you need to figure out why doing it more would bother you and why you’re feeling like you do. If it’s always the same then talk to her about how you can reintroduce some variety. You shouldnt have anxiety over sex with your wife. It should be fun and a way to connect. If it’s not that’s the issue. Also it doesnt have to be a dramatic issue. Talk it out, outside the bedroom. Also look at your meds. If your on anxiety or similar meds they can mess up your libido and you may need something different.
There are different kind of normals for every people and you should not try to compare your sex life to others.
It’s also normal that in a relationship the other partner might want more or less than the other. It’s about compromises, and more importantly, about communication.
Maybe your wife would be more satisfied for having sex once a week, if you were still more adventurous. Maybe it doesn’t need to be same maneuvers every time.
Talk to her! Ask her! Tell her how you feel! This situation is extremely normal, don’t stress it.
Dual answer to your question : yes it’d “normal” (but I would rather say “common”), but no it’s not OK.
It’s not about quantity. What is not OK, is the fact that she is not happy. And honestly, I think that you’re not either.
What matters is not to do it more, what matters is that you both enjoy so much that you don’t even count. Quality over quantity.
You’ve reached the stage of the relationship where the routine is slowly but surely erodes the excitement of being together. That’s the danger.
It’s time to take ownership of your sex life and globally your relationship.
You said that you already experimented some things. Cool. But can you say that you know her fantasies? Does she know yours? How often do you create a surprise for her, using what you know she likes?
A warm bath waiting for her. A massage by candlelight. An erotic movie. A hike to this lake where you end up swimming naked and making love at sunset. A surprise weekend getaway on a Friday evening. A book you bought for her, with a special quote from you on the first page “to the woman who makes my life worth living”
Sex is not a goal. It’s not something we measure in quantity.
Sex is how we show love.
And love is a decision, a gesture, a word, a caress. Everyday.
You want a better sex life? Then start the only real journey that matters : get to the know her so deeply that she’ll have teary eyes every day, thinking about how much you care, how much she’s lucky to have you in her life.
It’s so normal. Dont let anyone tell you that it isn’t.
Prioritising dating each other. Go on a date once a week, do something fun, try something new, get your dopamine flowing around each other. It’s literally the best way to encourage intimacy.
start weight lifting – always increases my sex drive. Try doing butt stuff