My fiancé, Jason, and I have been together for 7 years and got engaged 2 years ago on this very date. Over a year ago, we booked a gorgeous 8-bedroom Airbnb overlooking the ocean so our closest friends could stay and celebrate with us. I used to be a wedding planner, so planning came easily. I had already booked a caterer and DJ. But I paused on other vendors because I started doubting whether the money my mom promised us ($17k) was real.
Jason had just finished his doctorate and is facing student loans, and while I have a solid job, I didn’t want to drain our savings on a single day. Whenever I asked my mom about the money, she insisted she’d cover it, often saying she’d “put it on a credit card” or that she’d soon receive my grandmother’s inheritance. I told her it was fine if she didn’t have the money. I just needed honesty so I could plan responsibly. But she kept reassuring me to go all out, which didn’t sit right with me. Meanwhile, Jason’s family never offered financial help—just opinions and complaints about logistics.
Then, in January 2025, everything unraveled. My mom kicked my dad out and filed for divorce, the same month my dad lost the job he’d had for 30 years. The divorce turned messy, fueled by money and my mom’s inheritance claims (which may never materialize). She even pursued a domestic violence restraining order, reportedly because her lawyer said it would help her financially.
In the middle of all that, I made the heartbreaking choice to cancel our wedding. My parents were draining money on lawyers, there was no financial support, and I couldn’t imagine picking one parent to attend while the other was excluded. It wasn’t the wedding I had envisioned.
This year has been one blow after another, and while Jason has been kind and supportive, I can’t shake the disappointment that he hasn’t once brought up what we should do next. I’ve floated ideas – eloping, going abroad, keeping it simple, and while he says “that sounds great,” the conversation ends there. If I ask for help, he’ll spend 10 minutes googling and send me one link, even when I’ve spent days researching. Eventually, I stopped bringing it up because it made me sad that I was always the one driving the conversation about our marriage.
Last Friday, the day we should have gotten married, I told him a month ahead that it would be hard for me and asked him to plan something. I hoped maybe he’d suggest we elope. Instead, he started researching hotels three days before, when everything was overpriced because of Labor Day weekend. I told him to just make a dinner reservation. On the day, he gave me a sweet card about how much he loves me and can’t wait to marry me someday, but I still felt hollow. He kept asking, “are you ok?” and “what’s wrong?” but I couldn’t answer. I felt too defeated and sad.
Today is our 2-year engagement anniversary. I know that’s not usually a milestone, but part of me thought, given everything, he might acknowledge it. He hasn’t.
I don’t know if I’m just in a bad mindset, but I feel alone and frustrated. I’d love to hear thoughts, advice, or even tough love if I’m being extra.
Comments
So ya’ll can’t afford a wedding right now?
You should probably communicate these feelings with your SO. The resentment will just grow if you don’t.
You have a lot to be angry about, but I’m wondering if you’re making your fiance the scapegoat.
Your mother strung you along and then bailed. And if it’s true that your mother lied to the court, saying that your father threatened or hurt her when he didn’t, just to get more money, she can be cruel and she committed a crime.
Meanwhile, your fiance seems easy-going and in love w/ you. When you wanted a wedding, he was happy for you to create your vision. When you wanted to cancel, he was fine w this. He told you that he cannot wait to marry you. The only thing he seems to lack is that event-planning gene that you have in spades. So unless he is always disappointing you when you need to feel his love, I’d do a 180 and plan a non-wedding day event myself–something you will love because it’s just what the doctor ordered and he will love bec he loves you.
Then after the day passes, you two can talk about what you want for your wedding and what you can afford. Hopefully with some compromising, you can make something special work. Best wishes for a happy day and a happy marriage.
You seem to have a lot of ideas and dreams and wishes and expectations in your head that you are just expecting him to know without you directly telling him. At least that’s the impression I’m getting.
First rule of marriage (of many firsts 😄) — communicate. MORE. He’s not getting what you want him to get from what you say. But the fact that he has a response & spends time looking things up shows he does care about you. I’ve been married for over 20 years and I know the difference between disinterest and just not hearing what I need (because I’m not communicating it clearly enough). What he’s doing doesn’t seem like disinterest. You’ve got him freaking out now because he thinks he is doing the right thing and is confused and hurt by YOUR disinterest.
The worst thing we can do as spouses is to assume our significant other can read our minds. They can’t — and we can’t read theirs either. The solution is simple: honest, direct communication. At a minimum hand him your phone open to this post and say “please read this.”
I wouldn’t assume that he isn’t interested in or excited about marrying you just because he isn’t being proactive about wedding planning in this context. It might be intimidating to plan an event for his event planner fiance, and he may not want to push if he knows you are said about your family’s complex attendance.
This comes down to communication. You gotta tell him that you are struggling to imagine a wedding at all that he seems so little invested in. He may not understand that his ambivalence is more discouraging than everything else you’ve been dealing with. Be super clear so that he has a genuine chance to do better and you can judge if there’s a real issue here or not.
I don’t think you’re being extra, this sounds like a lot. For me personally, I think I’d be planning a family-free, friends only weekend with an Airbnb like you originally planned and an announcement that you eloped with few details so your family isn’t too hurt. A small wedding can be really meaningful and this is a moment where the connection between you two matters most.
My daughter and her husband had a destination wedding and they were the only ones there. They couldn’t face the prospect of having two sets of divorced parents and their significant other others in the same room. It would’ve been a nightmare!
On my side of the family, we pooled funds to get them the all-inclusive rate at their hotel. They had a wonderful time and are very happily married.
Find the right way for you and your fiancé. Plan it together.
You over estimate men’s ability to understand the female psyche. You have spent a lot of time secretly wishing he understood what you were thinking. Time for you to change things up. Tell him exactly what you want and when. That he will understand. We are slow but not stupid.
Sounds like your mom won’t come through. Sad but now you can move on to what you can do. You’re a veteran planner. Go to it!
If you used to be a wedding planner maybe he is just assuming you will want to plan everything?
Honestly it sounds like you’re upset with your mom but are kinda scapegoating your husband bc he’s a “safe” person to be mad at. :/
Is it about getting married or about the wedding? If it’s about the wedding you should not get married.
Tell him you want to plan something together and then sit down together and do it
I would elope
tell him you need his input. more than “that sounds great” you need opinions and ideas for what to do
also… if you cant afford the wedding just get married at the courthouse then have an anniversary party later.
You can’t hope and wish for your partner to do what you want, you have to tell them. Sometimes it takes facing them, putting your hands on both sides of their face, and telling them what you want slowly and clearly enunciated. Communication is key!
Sounds like you canceled the wedding you two had planned because of your parents’ actions and are blaming him. If your resentment keeps festering, do him a favor and end the relationship. He doesn’t deserve that.
He is not a mind reader and it actually sounds like he does some research when you ask. He doesn’t have your skill set for planning, I’m sure you love him for other reasons. Go elope and have a ten year anniversary party as the reception you always wanted. It’s the MARRIAGE that matters, not the ceremony. God bless you.
Just elope.
Maybe later when things settle have another celebration, but do not put things off.
You never know what tomorrow brings and the last thing you need now is to spend money on a wedding.
I’m sorry for the year that you’ve had, for everything that happened between your parents, and that you felt that you needed to cancel the wedding as a result. I think it’s completely understandable that you’re sad and down, but to be completely transparent— based on your own words, you are the one who chose to cancel the wedding. Regardless of how valid your reasoning was, I am not certain that it’s fair for you to expect your fiancé to be able to make up for a decision that you made.
If I were him, my mind absolutely would not go to elopement because you already stated that you canceled your wedding because you wanted both of your parents there—which, by the way, is 100% justifiable and understandable. I just wouldn’t immediately think that you would want to elope instead. I would find it reasonable that he would be waiting for you to tell him explicitly that you are ready to either elope or plan a wedding given what has transpired.
At the end of the day, all of this seems to come down to communication. You have not been clear about your expectations. And also, did you do anything for your fiancé for your planned wedding day? I just don’t hear you talk a lot about your fiancé’s feelings or needs or expectations for that matter. We are all allowed to be a little selfish sometimes— especially when something like your appearance have divorced and it is acrimonious—but since you’re asking for advice, I just wanted to give you that food for thought.
Finally, as someone else stated, I do suspect that your frustration for your parents and potentially your mom in particular is being unfairly attributed to your fiancé .
You are exhausting and need to get your shit together.
Men are not mind readers. You seem to take a lot of romantic notions, but the average male brain simply does not work the way you are expecting him to just read telepathically read romcom scenarios from you.
You have to actually use your big girl words.
This man has not only had the patience of a saint while his entire wedding got completely derailed by your family drama but still wants to marry you however you see fit and that somehow isn’t enough for you? Did it ever occur to you that maybe he’s not pushing an elopement because he doesn’t want to pressure you, and you’ve made it perfectly clear that your parents being able to get along so you don’t have to make the tough call of having to tell them to shape the fuck up or just don’t show is more important to you than marrying him.
Why can’t you suggest an elopement? Why is it that you sit and resent him for not giving you something he doesn’t even know you want because he’s not clairvoyant enough to give you a good social media story about how it was all his idea and not that you asked.
Like, how ungrateful can you be? You told him you wanted him to do something special, and he literally did. Stop letting your parents’ drama rule your life together.
Plan it and tell him what he needs to wear and when to turn up. My hubby organised the cars and the men’s suits. I did the rest.
If you want to plan it with him, sit him down and be assertive. Ok where are we getting married? Here’s three options which one do you like best? What day? Here’s three options. Can you organise your leave for that day/week. What are you going to wear? Here’s what I’m thinking of wearing.
He obviously wants to marry you. One person needs to take the lead it doesn’t mean he lives you less if it’s you in the lead.
I’m going to be very honest here, there is a whole lot of “I” about the wedding and not a whole lot of “we”. I booked a planner, I booked a caterer, I had a a vision…. What type of wedding did Jason want? Did he want the big thing or did he just go along with it? Now it’s I would just want to slip, I just wanted to do something nice this weekend(and to be fair my mind went to a weekend long things not just a dinner)…..
I think you need to ask your fiance what he wants. Does he want to just elope or maybe he would like to have a small backyard type wedding with family/friends? You two are going to be partners for the rest of your life, you need to both have an equal voice.
This is what it looks like when your man does the bare minimum to keep you hooked and in his service while providing no partnership and initiative himself.
A dude who cannot deal things like a trip and dinner is not marriage material. He will always be a burden. Which is why so many of us are divorced. These dudes do not change.
I know it must suck to have imagined a cute wedding and now it won’t be possible because of your parents not getting alone, but have you considered and alternative? Life doesn’t always go as planned. It usually never goes as planned. If your parents wanted to get a divorce that’s not great but it’s their life. You have to make your own.
Maybe a small wedding and inviting just certain people and then a second celebration with different people. I know it’s difficult to decide which parent you will invite to each, but I’m pretty sure they’ll understand you’re going your best to not put them in a difficult situation.
I’ve heard some people even marry twice (no idea how), maybe it could be a good idea.
Also, the thing with your fiance in my opinion is communication. You’re sad because what happened and feel bad. When you tell him to research things, he understands “research things”. It may be obvious, but some people need you to tell them “look, I need you to help me research this because I’m exhausted from all this stuff and I need your help, not only by googling but I need to feel your support. And as much as I appreciate that you do a Google search, in this moment I need more than that. I exactly need XYZ”. Because if you don’t tell him what you expect, you might never get it. And he won’t understand what he’s doing wrong and you will feel misunderstood.
He’s probably not as devastated as you because of the wedding not taking place for a million reasons, mainly not living personally their parents divorce and not being super involved in the planning. So even if he’s sad that it didn’t happen, he’s probably thinking positive about it and is like “it sucks it wasn’t possible to do but we will do it in the future! Is not a big deal!”. And that’s totally valid. But is also very valid that you feel terrible for it. Each person views things differently. Is not bad or good, it’s just a matter of expectations and what you think can happen in the future. For him this maybe is just a tiny obstacle, for you it’s a mega obstacle.
COMMUNICATION!!!
Ask yourself why you (naturally) did all the wedding planning…but you expect him to do it now? Why? Just because you are sad the big wedding you expected didnt materialize? Maybe he is sad too. Clearly he isnt the planner type so he will probably never be…but he also seems laid back and accomodating to what you want…..so go plan an elopement and GO! What are you waiting for? Leave the drama behind and go marry your man! But do it with joy at marrying him, not resentment of all the other bs. And know that you are simply now and forever the family planner. Some people have that skill, others not so much. Lean on your strengths, dont blame others for not planning what you want.
It sounds like you’re looking for someone to blame, and he’s the closest to you right now, so you’re putting it all on him when he’s done nothing but be supportive and loving towards you. Your parents are the ones you should be mad at, if anything.
You need to communicate fully with him. Saying, I want you to plan something for us isn’t communicating fully. It’s saying I expect you to figure out what my expectations are getting it right with 0 input from me. That’s not fair to him. And since you planned things for a living, I would be intimidated af to try planning a wedding next to you. Yet you dont address that with him at all. It also reads like you’re blaming him for a lot of stuff that is outside your relationship and for not just knowing what you want.
It’s ok to be sad, but none of this is your fiancé’s fault. I think you’re being unfair to him.
If you want to elope, tell him. Right now. Book something spontaneous together, pack a bag and just go. Have an adventure. Make some memories.
And when you get back, make an appointment with a therapist. You need to talk with someone about where your head’s at right now because if not you’re going to sabotage something really beautiful.
Elope and set the date
Book the wedding you want.
Tell him where to be and when, in whatever outfit.
Forget the family’s.
If people told men that listening is a verb as often as they told women to communicate more the world would be a better place. Notice the problem is always that the woman is unable to communicate in the super special way that will get her man to listen- not that the man has to actively engage in conversation.
Your fiancé seems like a golden retriever- loving and loyal and willing to half-heartedly follow orders. But right now, you’re hurting. Your world has been turned upside down and the extra energy you had available to plan your life together has to go into healing and heartbreak. You need to be cared for and to have a partner who will step up and carry your load.
You’ve asked for help; he’s done just enough to check off the box. You’ve asked him to plan something on your original wedding date. He fucked it up. I think he needs to prove to you can step up when you need him to.
Do not ignore your frustration.
Because your fiancé does sound sweet, I recommend vulnerability. Tell him how hurt you are, how disappointed you are with his failure to step up. A good man will listen and try to fix things. A selfish one will blame you.
One of the great joys of marriage is having someone in your corner who can be strong when you are weak. Make sure you have that before you say “I do”.
it sounds like you should communicate more how you’re feeling. your wedding is kind of dependent on you at this point because all the conflict is coming from your family. you didn’t once mention how jason feels about off of this yet you did mention he’s been supportive which is good. the problem of no longer being able to contribute to the wedding, your parents divorce, them not being able to get along; he cant do about any of that but really support what you want. you have to be explicit and specific when it comes to things like marriage and this sounds heavily based on what you want so i think i’d take a step back too if i was in his shoes.
cause think about it, he probably doesn’t know these details to the full extend of which you’ve wrote them here so there’s no definite way he should go even if he did decide to take action. what if he sets up an elopement but deep down you want a wedding with family and you feel unfulfilled? what if he suggests going through with the wedding and your family stuff is an issue? there’s plenty of floated ideas that don’t stick when it comes to wedding planning. what if he followed through on one of them and you decide that’s not what you want?
talk to him. you both have to work together to fix this. not a one or the other/ my turn, your turn situation.
Is this AI….
So you’re mad at your fiancé because of all the baggage YOU and YOUR family brought on a date you already set up? Its kinda YOUR responsibility to fix the situation, no?
Just elope and plan a celebration after
Honestly I feel like he will be happy to marry you no matter how it happens. Maybe he is bad at planning and doesn’t want to disappoint you when what you wanted was already taken away because of family drama. Tell him you want to elope and have it be a special moment for the two of you without any distractions.
Ma’am, if you can’t talk to him about these things, what are you doing marrying him? Not saying don’t wed him, just putting your behavior in context.
He sounds lovely. Just tell him what you’re telling us, and make it clear you want him to take the lead.
What did you do for him on the day you were supposed to get married? It was supposed to be his wedding day too.
It’s unfair for you to have secret expectations then blame him for not meeting them. Talk to him. Tell him you want to elope them figure out where and when to do it. If you feel you need to test him (checking how long he researches, judge whether or not he guesses what you want, etc), get some therapy.
Fuck it. Just fly to Vegas and get married. Forget about all the drama and just the two of you
You used to be a wedding planner! As if he is trying to plan the wedding.
This just might not be the hill to die on. I can list 1000 reasons why my husband is so great, but planning special stuff just ain’t his strong suite. I just have to accept that and be very straightforward (yes, plan the whole thing) about what I want, and I have to look for the million other ways he shows his love.
You are not wrong for feeling the way you feel. Maybe just direct the anger somewhere else and lean on him for support through a shitty blip in time that is today. He loves you. He wants to marry you. You will feel better tomorrow, especially if you don’t fight with him, lol
Jesus the amount of people saying your fiance is doing nothing wrong is staggering. You are carrying all the mental load of the ‘wedding’. He is checked out entirely. Did he use to be more involved in planning or has it always been like this?
You really need to learn to communicate better. It’s really unfair that you cancelled the wedding and then expected him to somehow still make the day special for you, without considering how he might be feeling. If you want something, open your mouth and tell him. Further, an engagement milestone is absolutely not something the majority of people celebrate and being upset that he didn’t do something is again, unfair.
What the fuck are you taking about? You canceled the wedding. YOU canceled it. If you want to get married, take the lead on planning it.
buddy it sounds like your patient and chill fiancé is putting up with a lot of absolutely insane shit from your family and not putting any pressure anywhere on you. I’m sure he would like to get married, but after all this time where your family has sabotaged your fairytale dream wedding (that you don’t want to pay for) at every step, the guy must be pretty tired of investing himself in plans that aren’t going to materialize. Your post is entirely about what you want, and how your family is making it impossible for you to have it, and how actually its the drama free fiancé’s fault, somehow. Hm his family never offered financial help eh? How rude! So much worse than your family, which were kind enough to offer help they weren’t actually going to give.
So, he wrote you a sweet note about loving you and wanting a life with you. What have you done lately to make him feel loved and wanted? Would a transcript of your average conversation be as laser focused on you and your feelings and your family and your wants and your disappointment, and so on? Of course he’s not making any moves on this thing. Between your family and your unfair expectations, why would he put effort into theory-crafting ways to get married that either will not live up to your hopes (which you will sulk about but not actually communicate to him), or plans that will almost certainly not work out entirely for reasons out of his control?
You seem like a high intensity control freak overcompensating for how wild and unfixable her family situation is, who is displacing all that anxiety and frustrated energy unto the person closest to you, because unlike your family he will put up with your passive aggressive bullshit. It’s understandable considering the circumstances and background you’ve described, but this path likely won’t take you much farther before things start to become difficult to impossible to repair.
You say he hasn’t done what you hoped for. Did you tell him what you wanted? Whether you have the party you planned is a separate question from whether you get married.
Are you still holding out for someone else to pay for the party?
Elope and get it over with. Your fiancé is happy to get married however you want. He doesn’t need a splashy event.
TL;DR: Your mom strung you along with false promises about wedding money, leaving you scrambling to postpone your wedding at the last minute – that’s incredibly frustrating and your resentment makes total sense. Man, I’m so sorry this happened to you. Having to postpone your wedding because your mom couldn’t be straight with you about money is honestly heartbreaking, and I totally get why you’re feeling resentful toward Jason right now. When you’re stressed and disappointed, it’s natural to direct those feelings at the person closest to you, even when they’re not really the source of the problem. But here’s the thing – Jason seems like he was trying to be the voice of reason throughout this whole mess. Your mom kept making promises she couldn’t keep, and that put you both in an impossible position. It sounds like he was genuinely concerned about the financial stress this was putting on you guys, not trying to sabotage your wedding dreams. I know it hurts that he wasn’t as devastated as you were about postponing, but maybe that’s because he’s looking…
Deeper lens: it may be a shadow part asking to be heard kindly.
When you get upset, do you lash out at your fiancé? Or when you get upset do you stay quiet and hope he reads your mind? I’m sure he hears what you’re saying but knows that it’s not what you truly want so why agree to something that isn’t truly going to fulfill the need. Also you are letting the issues that aren’t related to your relationship put a dark cloud over it and that’s not good.
This is such a sad story. I’m so sorry. You should have the love and support you need when you need it. I’m also sorry your fiancé isn’t stepping up. I do hope it’s not a permanent situation. You shouldn’t have to be the only one able to plan anything.
Remember, men didn’t grow up as little boys who dreamed of their wedding day. We never cared about it. The day itself isn’t what concerns us, however the institution of marriage is what we focus on. That man did the right thing. Supporting what makes you happy is all he can do, but know that he doesn’t care about it, but his desire/willingness to marry means he cares about you…I’ve been married for 17 years. Our wedding day was incredible and the best part was that soooo many things went wrong. We kept the vibes going and created memories that both our families will cherish.
The whole situation sucks but it seems like you are the leader in your relationship, so what happens next will have to be lead by you. There are things in my relationship where I am 100% the leader, and there are things where my wife is the one in charge. We both understand what those realms are. Do what you need to do to be happy. He’ll support whatever you want.
I kinda get the impression that he’s overwhelmed as well. Perhaps with all the school, new career path, debt… maybe he is and you don’t know about it because he’s keeping it all bottled in to protect you? Have a real and honest talk with him. Tell him you’ve had this feeling that he has a lack of interest and involvement with anything related to the wedding and you’re wondering if he is ok, overwhelmed with life, or if you’re just thinking too much, or what?
If you can’t tell him what you want..
What you REALLY REALLY want, then how can you spend the rest of your life with him?
You’re expecting him to read your mind and be the assertive one to get married. I suspect that since you’re the one with all the plans and the know how, he’s leaving it up to you.
Sit down, have that conversation to make sure you’re in the same page and pull that trigger.
Sister, I feel sad that you have to face all this alone. I wish I could help. Please don’t mind, but when there’s already so much mess and your mother or anybody can’t help you, your own father lost his job, your mother divorced him and threw him out, your fiancé gives neither financial nor emotional support, and the in-laws were never supportive to begin with then my question is why? Why this rush to get married when you have no real support system?
You’re already earning, so why depend on anyone else? And if there isn’t enough money, then why plan a lavish wedding at all? Instead, quietly focus on your job, build your career, and leave all this drama aside. Confront your fiancé if he can’t support you, then better to separate now. Otherwise, you’ll spend your whole life suffocating and falling into depression. Nobody else will lose anything, only you’ll end up paying with your life.
So, only take such steps when you truly have the support and stability. In India there’s a saying – stretch your legs only as far as your blanket allows. Right now, your life is already too messy. Reset it, focus on yourself. Life is long, and with time, good people will come along.
When life hands you lemons, pivot.
We had a lovely wedding at the courthouse. We wrote our own vows. The Justice of the Peace cried because our wedding was a room full of love. We dressed pretty casually but a former employer (florist) sent an astounding Miss America style, absolutely over the top bridal bouquet of a dozen white roses. Totally counter to what I ordered but he refused payment so SCORE!
Afterwards, we held our cake, champagne, coffee, tea reception at our home. We had six different small cakes because we wanted our beloved guests to have a choice and it was funny as hell. Especially when my uncle showed up with another cake from Costco.
What’s important is the love, partnership and laughter. The rest is just window dressing.
You planned the wedding and then you say you decided to cancel it due to your parents’ issues. You say that due to your parents not getting along, that meant it wasn’t the wedding you envisioned. How did/does your fiancé feel about the cancellation and about the fact that your parents’ issues has caused his wedding to be cancelled?
Could he feel some kind of way about the fact that marrying him wasn’t enough for you, that you needed all the parents to get along and be there?
And now you are suggesting other alternatives but how does he know any of these will stick or not be a disappointment to you?
I haven’t read through the comments but you, as a wedding planner, should absolutely know that some guys take a MAJOR back seat in wedding planning (yes, a very few like to be heavily involved), for the most, the proposal is the big thing for them. On Friday, I will have been with my husband for 15 years. We’ve been married 7. I did all of the planning (I absolutely love it) and at first, I’d ask him questions but quickly realized that wasn’t going anywhere. In his mind, it was my day (I still don’t agree with that but it’s moot at this point) and he wanted me to do whatever I wanted that would make me happy. He was down for anything. Big or small. All that to say, guys need things SPELLED OUT FOR THEM. Your fiance not thinking to suggest eloping on a random day is not even in his peripheral.
ETA: additionally, with your profession, I’m sure fiance is expecting you to take the reins and thinks you already have your perfect vision of your wedding. Cut him some slack.
When people are feeling like something is wrong and the person who loves them asks them, “what is wrong?” Why cant they just tell them?
I know these kinds of men and honestly they’re frustrated as hell. If you marry this guy, you will be the one planning everything in your life together, from dinners, vacations, holidays and anniversaries to raising the kids. You can never really count on clueless men like this. Once they realize you can handle everything, they won’t “care” anymore or will only do bare minimum. Maybe this pre-wedding incident is a sign for you to reconsider this relationship. Try talking to him, lay out all your frustration and see how he respond. If he still does everything with half ass attitude then it’s time to ask yourself if you truly want to marry this guy and plan everything for the rest of your marriage
Seven years? Seems like if he was really serious about marrying you, he would have already. I think maybe you all are viewing the next steps very differently.
Sorry I don’t understand why you didn’t get married
I would seek therapy or counseling so that you can both be on the same page and figure things out