Our friend is a great person in many respects but isn’t very considerate when it comes to travel plans. In particular, this friend gets standby status on an airline because of a family member (in addition to discounts on a particular hotel chain etc.). He therefore refuses to ever buy plane tickets.
This has become a problem on several of our most recent trips, where delays or other issues disrupt his original flight plans. He could arrive one or more days late, arrive at inconvenient times, be late while also insisting on being the one who rents a car (which we are then without until he arrives), etc. These issues could be alleviated if he just…bought a plane ticket in advance, but he refuses to in order to save money.
Here’s the thing: he (and several other of us) make over $300,000 a year. I would understand if he were cash-strapped, but he is simply not. Things came to a head this week, when he—AND HIS PREGNANT WIFE AND BABY SON—had their flight home canceled; the original plan was for him to take a flight to join us (2 friends) on vacation. Instead of paying $500 to get his family home, he made them wait several days with nothing but the clothes they were wearing (their luggage had already been put on a plane to their home). And they ended up flying to a different airport than their luggage was at in the middle of the night, so they then had to go to that different airport to get the luggage and go home at like 4 am.
In the meantime, he is several days late for a trip that I took time off for to see my friends—including him. He could have paid $100-200 for a flight down but chose not to. (So, $500 to get his family home days ago and another $100-200 to get to the vacation spot.)
The friend group is at a boiling point. The current plan is to flat-out tell him that he needs to buy a plane ticket for any future vacations or else he’s not invited. Is that the right approach? I’m not sure how to be firm but not mean. This is someone who is always looking for a deal and so seems to be fine spending tons of money when it’s something he arbitrarily thinks is worth it but is otherwise one of the most miserly people I have ever met. Please help us navigate this.
Comments
He made his pregnant wife suffer for days to save $500? Yeah, ultimatum time.
This isn’t just frugal it’s selfish. Tell him plainly to buy a real ticket or stay home because one person’s cheapness shouldn’t hijack everyone’s vacation.
Are these group vacations or trips with just you and him? For large group travel, his presence alone shouldn’t make a difference, right? But for small group travel, I’d flat out tell him no and remove him from all future invites. Just flat out tell him “I’m not traveling with just you. I don’t want spend days solo because of your standby travel.”
If I didn’t have a few telling details, I would swear you were taking about my brother. And I would tell you to TELL HIM. You are NOT the only one who has noticed it. But you can’t tell him that without having him understand why. Yes, it’s inconvenient, time consuming and frustrating. But it’s something else. It’s demeaning to your friendships and shows that the money is more important than the time with friends. That’s how you get the change from him.
Absolutely! How can his wife put up with this? I’d raise holy hell! A few hundred dollars is nothing to someone making that salary and is essential for a good vacation.
This is someone who has lost sight of the forest from the trees.
Days of delay and hours of inconvenience over $500? With his pregnant wife in tow? While making over $300k?
Proof that you don’t have to be smart to have a lucrative job.
This is when the friend group moves on and rents their own car etc. he can catch up whenever but nobody is waiting at the airport for his ass
His mode of travel sounds a little nutty to me, but are you sure you’re aware of his actual financial situation? Salary doesn’t always determine how much discretionary spending he has — maybe he’s paying for a sick relative’s care, maybe he has a gambling problem, etc. Maybe he was beaten as a child for wasting money. You just don’t know. At the same time, and certainly if he’s just being frugal for the sake of being frugal, you don’t have to put up with having your plans disrupted. At minimum, you can stop letting him be the one to rent a car, etc.
If you’re sure it’s not a money issue, you might say something like, “You’re probably not aware of how disruptive your flying standby is on our end. We’re there without a car, we wait up for you not knowing when you’re going to arrive, and — most of all — we don’t get to spend the time with you that we planned, which is the whole point of the trip. It affects all of our plans, and it doesn’t make sense for us to add that stress to our vacations.”
Then it’s up to him how he responds.