I (39F) met a great group of women through one of my kids activities. The three of them were already all friends because their kids all go to the same school. Mine go to a different school, but some of the activities overlap and we’ve done some group family play dates. Over the past 2 years the 4 of us moms have developed a very close friendship and up until yesterday I thought we were all pretty solid.
One friend, M, invited us and all our families to join her at her parent’s lake house. Off the bat I felt awkward when she told me there wasn’t a bedroom for our family, that we would need to stay on air mattresses in the workshop outside. I’m feeling weird about it but I brush it off and assume that she is just trying to make our family feel included in the weekend invite but doesn’t have enough physical space in the house to include us.
She then tells me that my 2 kids (8 F, 9M) aren’t invited to join the other kids in the bunk room because my son is older, and he’s a boy. For reference, kids invited are a 5 yr old boy, 3 8 yr old girls, and my son is 9. I’m feeling hurt but again, try to just brush it off.
Recently, moms and kids are all at her house. My son and her daughter – one year apart – were arguing over laser tag. Her daughter told my son that he wasn’t included in the game anymore bc he was too bossy, her house her rules. It all started when he called her out for breaking one of the group rules. He’s very set on “fairness” and sometimes that can ruin the fun, so I try to encourage him to go with the flow as much as possible. I tend to just let kids try to work that out on their own, but I felt like I had to say something to the mom, M, when it escalated and her daughter then barricaded him in an empty bedroom and started yelling at him through the door calling him names etc. he was crying throughout all of this and felt very excluded. The conversation with M went fine and we all moved on. 3 weeks go by.
Yesterday, M told me “we need to talk about what we will do at the lake weekend if my daughter and your son don’t get along.” I said there’s plenty of other kids around I’m sure it’ll be fine, they can play with other kids and avoid each other if needed. Or, maybe they will argue, but they can work it out, we can step in if necessary.
She then asks me, “is there a world where you can just come with your daughter and leave son and husband home?” Um no. I’m not leaving him out. So I just said, “I don’t think this weekend is a good idea for us right now we will bow out of this one.”
I’m really hurt by this and makes me feel like I am just a backup friend to her, she doesn’t care about including me in this group, and actively doesn’t want me to be part of it. I’m putting a lot of space between myself and these women right now. Am I being too sensitive?