Friend (f30s) I’m going to call Stephanie. She and her husband (m30s) Brock have three young boys. The oldest is autistic and requires a lot of extra support from Stephanie. She’s honestly a super mom. She’s a leader in our secular homeschool co-op and always coming up with the best kid friendly outings for our mom friend group.
Stephanie however, never gets a break. Every. We’ve been friends for two years and have hung out without our children twice. Both times involved her husband calling and texting nonstop asking when she’d be home. Brock is incapable of handling their children, even the smallest tasks or the shortest periods of time. He gets stressed out incredibly easily for a man who takes frequent solo vacations without the family. Oh yeah! That’s right. He’s Brock because this man child spends all of his spare money and time traveling around to Pokemon tournaments. Now I’m a nerd, my husband and I cosplay with our kids and go to cons together so I’m not calling him a man child for caring about Pokemon. He’s a man child imo because he acts like Steph’s fourth child
A few months back, I watched the older two for them for an overnight while Steph was in the ER with her youngest after he broke a bone at the playground. This guy apparently made her drive him to the airport before taking their son to the ER because he couldn’t miss his tournament. Hearing that really annoyed me but I let it go because it was an emergency and I’m always happy to help my friends. The problem is that Steph has been calling and asking for help A LOT since then.
Now I don’t mind scheduling playdates or anything but every week there’s something. Can I watch kiddo 2 so Steph can take kiddo 3 to this or that event? No, Brock can’t watch him, he gets too overwhelmed. He’s jetlagged. He’s tired. He’s overworked (9-5, M-F office job for reference). All of the reasons make sense I guess but I find myself becoming a bit resentful. I finally said no recently because I had something already scheduled for the day and hated myself for it. She was so upset and said she didn’t have anyone to rely on.
I’m just tired. Tired of hearing her complain about a man who she’ll never leave because her oldest needs the support she can give by being a stay at home mom. I’m tired of watching my friend burn the candle at both ends while this guys bops around like he doesn’t have three young kids at home. I don’t know, it’s not about me in the slightest really but I feel sad about the whole situation.
Comments
Keep saying no. Her being able to “rely” on you means she’s not addressing her husband.
You have to stop the trauma dumping .
free therapy for your mental health
I would be honest and give her some advice she probably doesn’t want to hear. You can be gentle but also firm. She should not have to ask you for help so much, she needs to address this with her husband. Every time she needs to ask you for help ask why husband can’t step up. When she gives these pathetic excuses tell her that’s not a legit reason. She sounds like she’s simply so used to having pick up the slack she doesn’t realize this is not normal nor how bad it really is. She’s just trying to get thru minute to minute. Going on solo vacations???? Drive him to the airport before going to the ER when uber exists????? Couldn’t be me. Shit-talk her husband and make her wake up that she’s literally got a 4th child. Don’t hold back. Either she starts to wake up or she becomes distant because you are pushing her and she’s not ready to face facts. Maybe she could arrange for her parents or inlaws to have the kids and you schedule a girls weekend to somewhere a few hours away, and at least get her out of the mindset of having to do everything every second to give her space and the ability to recognize the clusterfuck she’s in. They don’t call it “married single parent” for no reason. She would be better off divorced, he’s adding nothing but more pain and aggravation.