I have a long-time friend (someone I’ve known since childhood) who I strongly suspect voted for Trump. I know she voted for him in his first term, and I’m fairly certain she voted for him for this most recent election.
She also recently joined a cult-like church. She said she doesn’t understand how anyone cannot follow Jesus. My husband and I are both atheists with non-christian backgrounds and she has a very hard time understanding how it’s possible for us not to be Christian. Recently, it feels like she’s been trying to discretely convert me or something. This is a new mindset for her.
We’ve been friends for so long and supported each other through life’s major events. She’s just become so close-minded and ignorant over the last year or so. I’ve given her the benefit of the doubt for a while now, or explained current events to her when she didn’t know what was going on. But given Trump’s most recent election to office, it’s so hard for me to respect her and look at her the same way. I also just found out that she didn’t even know the basics of Trump’s policies. For example, she didn’t know what a tariff was until like 2 weeks ago. And she certainly didn’t know Trump was implementing them or what the consequences are!
On the other hand she is a very sweet and kind person who I’ve known for ages. We get along in other aspects of life, we just really don’t align when it comes to religion and politics. Being different has never been an issue for us in the past. But I’m just so angry that so many people could vote for a man that wants to limit people’s rights and crash the economy. My tolerance is running out, even for a long-time friend. I think it’s the total ignorance that makes me the most frustrated.
How do I deal with a friend who has chosen to go down this path?
Comments
All I can wish you is good luck and that I’m sorry that you have lost your friend to Trumpism.
You don’t. I lost a friend this way. Greatest friendship loss of my life, but peace in my own life is so much more important.
That kind of person in your life won’t bring you any joy, only toxicity.
I wouldn’t deal with her any longer
First, I’m sorry for your loss. I can imagine how this is very painful and disappointing for you. If it’s any consolation, I’m having similar feelings with my own mother.
I guess you have two choices. Either sit her down and have a gentle heart to heart about your concerns and fears. Or quiet quit the relationship… Whatever you think would be best for you, whichever is less painful.
I’m dealing with MAGA family members and friends as well. The cognitive dissonance is baffling. There are a few that have gone full frothing at the mouth Nazi and I have cut those out of my life. But others are still the kind of people who will drop everything to be there for others. Those people, I have decided, I just avoid the topic pf politics and faith.
And when it’s unavoidable, I do remind them that Jesus first and foremost advocated to “love thy neighbor.” Like if you want to be true to Jesus’ teachings, that pretty much goes against everything Trump says so I sometimes sneakily ask them “hey can you remind me again what Jesus said in the Bible about this topic?” I don’t outright tell them they’re wrong, I’ve got Jesus to do it for me lmao. Pretty ironic considering I’m an atheist.
Anyway in the end you gotta decide for yourself what you are willing to put up with. Draw a line in the sand and stick to it.
For me, I am weighing my history with that person and their current behavior against their current affliations. If that still yields a net plus I am not cutting them out yet. Your own equation might be different.
Whatever you do, do not feel guilty about cutting people out who go against your own boundaries. I have recently cut contact with what used to be my best friend of 25+ years. She has gone full MAGA conspiracy anti-vaxx nutter and it has poisoned her to such a degree she no longer shows empathy towards others and basically just isn’t someone I recognize. I had a big cry over it but I realized that the person that used to be my friend just no longer exists, so I am no longer holding on to the empty remnant of that friendship.
I’m so sorry. I don’t understand how anyone who follows the teachings of Jesus can look at MAGA and think that Jesus would have approved. I’ve been occasionally entertaining myself by quoting scripture and the constitution at MAGA people on my friends’ Facebook posts, but it’s different when it’s one of your real friends – my own MAGA (former) friends and family members I had to stop talking to after a certain point. Which, ironically, I don’t think Jesus would approve of either since I’ve just kind of given up on being a fisher of men.
“I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend.” – Thomas Jefferson
The easiest was to make her think is to question her about the actions Jesus wouldn’t approve of that maga does. IE what would Jesus say about trumps payout to porn stars? Or musk sleeping with 5 baby mamas? The Bible has many passages about accepting immigrants as well.
There are plenty of Christian liberals – actual people who truly believe in Christianity often hate Trump. Look at what the catholic pope says about JD Vance.
Truly sweet and kind people don’t vote for Trump, who makes it clear whenever he opens his mouth that he is neither.
Cut your losses. Getting along in everything but religion and politics isn’t worth much, when every aspect of life is getting politicized.
If she can’t understand that others don’t believe in Jesus (who’d be appalled at Trump and his politics), she’ll happily support any measures that force atheists and non-Christians to convert. For their own good.
If it bothers you so much, you won’t get past it, for your friendship to continue to grow.
Do her a favor and just end the friendship. Go get a coloring book, have a good cry and move on.
She doesn’t deserve to have a ‘friend’ who considers her to be closed minded simply because she isn’t part of the hive mind and can think for herself
I thought for a long time that I could have relationships with right wingers, that we could agree to disagree. We know so many kind, generous, and fun people who are BIG TIME Trumpers. Now I just can’t. I can’t agree to disagree on human rights and morality. You have to decide for yourself what you can handle. It sucks and it’s an isolating feeling, wishing you all the best.
I have a different take from those who are telling you to cut ties. Yes protect yourself and your sanity, but at the same time is it fair to say that you are one of the few influences this woman has outside of her bubble?
If we remove ourselves from our problematic friends’ lives, do we make it easier for them to buy into alt-right rhetoric without even coming in contact with contradictory voices?
I don’t have an absolute answer, but I think it’s worth considering.
I have a similar situation where I have a childhood friend whom I’ve known since we were 10! I suspected she voted for Trump the first time and she later confirmed it. We had some disagreements and some heated exchanges during his first term. This time around, she’s been quiet about her political stance but I don’t think it’s changed. I’ll be honest and say I’ve kept my distance a bit and have felt anxious meeting up with her incase politics comes up. I love her to death and don’t want to lose her friendship over politics but I greatly disagree and find it hurtful she supports so many things that hurt people in her life I know she loves and also puts her own rights at risk by supporting Trump. But over the years dealing with Trumpers, I’ve learned that it’s wasted time trying to convince them or get them to try and critically think for themselves about the actual reality of things. Instead, I’ve boundaried up with people that I feel I need to. Those boundaries vary in strength as some are soft and some are pretty solid. There have been people that we’ve just had to call a truce and decide not to talk politics to not have arguments or tense moments between each other. But I get it, it’s hard, frustrating, hurtful and disappointing.
How do you deal with your friend? You don’t. She is showing you exactly who she is and what she values, and showing no room for misinterpretation. Would you accept these beliefs and attitudes from a new friend in your life? Probably not. I’m really sorry that you’re losing your friend, and even if you sat her down and attempted a heart to heart discussion with her, it would probably end with one of you storming out and the other in tears. Also, her attachment to the new church is worrying. If she knows you are atheist and is trying to bring you into the fold, she is fundamentally disrespecting a significant part of who you are, for her own purposes. Real friends don’t do that. If you do want to poke the bear, have a conversation with her and pose a few questions about how Jesus would feel about actions this administration is taking, and how she justifies that as a Christian.
You can’t change someone’s mind, the same way the drug addict only stops when it comes from within.
>How do I deal with a friend who has chosen to go down this path?
By not being friends with fascists. It sucks that she’s like this, but even voting for that man the first time would have made me quit the friendship.
It sucks, but she’s a lost cause at this point.
I personally would not cut her off.
I think you should attempt to stay in her life and help her through it. A lot of it is people being afraid due to all the propaganda being push out. Obviously set ur limits and boundaries but I don’t think good friendships should automatically be thrown out because of something like this
Losing family and friends to a cult is similar to losing them to addiction imo. There’s nothing you can say or do to bring them back to reality. I have had to cut them out of my life for the sake of self preservation.
“I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.” Donald Trump. Christian ❌ Sexual predator ✅
Before you go, I’d ask “which fruit of the spirit does Trump exemplify?” Just to firmly establish that Dump is absolutely, positively NOT a Christian.
It sounds like you are trying to convert your friend to your ideologies, just like she is you, and maybe that’s because your values are not aligning anymore, and that’s understandable with time. Might be time to find a friend who fills you up in the way you need, and keep things surface level with this friend. Your friendship might dissolve with time, but you can do so being amicable and respectful.
I recently lost a good friend to ignorance and misinformation too. It’s a shame, but our values no longer align so I decided I no longer wanted her in my life. When she told me trans people had mental illness and I was a part of the mental illness for being an ally (I’m also a married lesbian with a wife who is getting gender affirming top surgery soon) I let her know it was not me that was ending the friendship, but her. I wished her the best and blocked her on literally everything. I do not tolerate hatred and ignorance under the guise of innocent “difference of opinions”.
I think you do what feels right for you. I personally could not accept that this person actively votes against the rights of anyone other than straight, white, Jesus lovers.