So last night myself (26) and my boyfriend (26) had 6 people round for a Eurovision party. For the most part, it was a great night. But one thing is bothering me.
One of my best friends (25) was invited. He’s been really awkward through the process of arranging this, never making up his mind on anything but he can be like that sometimes so we let it go.
He was meant to be sleeping over but didn’t bring any bedding, which we had reminded him to do several times because I don’t have spare for 6 people. He insisted he would be fine on the bare floor with no blanket and his bag as a pillow. Which made us feel like terrible hosts for not looking after him.
But the main thing that annoyed us was that while we were out collecting dinner for him to eat, that we paid for, he decided to rearrange our house. We had spent the two days before this moving furniture around to make sure that 8 people would fit around the dining table and in the living room, which we had told him we were doing beforehand and how hard we were working on it, so he knew.
He moved the dining room around so that it could only seat 7, which meant that I had to eat my dinner alone in the dining room, which made me feel like I was being excluded from my own party. My boyfriend tried to sit with me for a bit but people kept asking him where stuff was so he had to keep going through.
He also started messing with random objects around our house. My boyfriend has a cabinet of Warhammer figures he’s very proud of, that was messed up. He moved some EXTREMELY sentimental items, belonging to my boyfriends dead grandparents, and nearly damaged them. He messed with my plants in the kitchens (not sentimental but I kill them at the best of times). And so many other little annoying things across our whole house.
Some of our other guests were surprised he was doing this and disapproved but this was their first time meeting him and didn’t feel like they could say something to him while we were out, which I fully understand. I’d feel the same in their position.
I want to message him today to tell him he crossed a line and honestly it’s made us reconsider wanting him in our house at all. But he’s one of those people who take any kind of criticism to mean you hate him, he’s the worst person in the world etc. He’s been one of my best friends for 4 years and he’s never done anything like this before.
Any ideas on how to approach this? I have no idea where to start
Comments
If he’s really your friend he should understand that you don’t want him moving and touching your things. Just say had a great time hanging out it was so much fun but next time please don’t move my stuff around I just like my stuff the way I have it
Since he is your best friend, you can be upfront and just give him a good scolding. Only best friends can do that. Because we want them to know exactly what our problem was. If he was just a random friend, straight up no need to invite him ever again, even easier
What would be your goal in reaching out? Are you ever going to invite him over again?
If yes it would be a very blunt discussion like you laid out here with the expectation of an apology and rules for the next time he’s over.
If no, you don’t plan on every having him over then why call?
He clearly has a quirk or more so the level of understanding and approach may need to be modified to accommodate.
Well if some one did that to me, they will be permanently banned from my hose.
It’s just too offensive to rearrange someone else’s house in the first place, let alone that caused the host end up spending time on their own.
How on earth did he manager to move the furniture so much you couldn’t sit round the table? Couldn’t you have just told him to move it back or brought your chair in? I can’t understand how this can have been done so you had to sit elsewhere. It makes no sense.
And with the other things, I’d have just said ‘hey X can you put those plants/warhammer figures/whatever back? Thanks’ and that’s it done.
You really want a friend who’s that disrespectful?
If he won’t be told that’s his problem not yours
Life’s too short and complicated enough without friends causing drama. Ghost him.