Hi Reddit, I’m seeing advice if I should confront my friend or not. We are currently on a 2 week vacation together so of course we’re learning a lot more about each other. My friend has been either skipping meals with me, or when she does join me for meals she only cuts her food into tiny pieces and doesn’t actually eat it. It seems like she may have an eating disorder that I wasn’t aware of before this trip.
Today she skipped breakfast and then we did a lot of walking to go shopping. She had to quickly leave the first store because she felt dizzy and like she was about to faint. I walked her to a nearby cafe to sit down, relax, drink some tea, and get something to eat. I was sympathetic and said that I feel often dizzy if I haven’t eaten breakfast and suggested she get a scone or something at the cafe. She was insisting she was feeling better and didn’t need to eat so I didn’t push the subject any further. Later for dinner I noticed that she acted excited for the food but only cut up small pieces and just pushed the food around on her plate, never actually eating it. Basically the same thing happened yesterday too, and we went out drinking afterwards which isn’t good on an empty stomach.
I think if we weren’t on vacation together and doing a lot of walking I would wait for a good moment to ask her about this. We’ve been friends for over a year and we love and respect each other so much so I don’t want to overstep my boundaries or ruin our vacation by confronting her. However, I worry that she may not be able to keep up with our physical daily activities if she doesn’t eat. We have planned several days of hiking for multiple hours and one day of snorkeling.
What should I do? Should I just keep this thought to myself and not say anything, should I gently suggest she eat some food before our physical activities, should I ask her if something’s wrong when she doesn’t eat dinner? By no means am I asking for a diagnosis, I’m cautious to even suggest that it’s an eating disorder, but I do want to have some sort of conversation with her. What should I say?
Comments
Try not sitting down to eat at a restaurant try to get some food in her lap and then leave her alone with the food and then come back and see if she has eaten it discreetly. She might need to be alone in order to eat the food. If you are traveling together this could be an opportunity to leave her in the room with food around that she knows is for her and to see if she eats it.
Another possibility is that she has some kind of medical condition that has flared up for example acid reflux.
Or it could be that she has a medical condition like Crohn’s disease and she is terrified that eating will cause her to have bowel explosions. For this one you would want to let her go to a grocery store or a mart and pick out food for her, don’t say anything about it, and just see if she can eat it.
I’m kind of worried that at this rate she might start to pass out if she doesn’t get some food in her. Dehydration is also a really big risk, has she at least been drinking water?
I think you could say you noticed she didnt eat much, ask if she likes the food, if shes not hungry in general (poor appetite), you could also suggest bringing a snack when you go hiking
If she does have an eating disorder she will most likely deny it in my opinion, I have a friend like this but they refuse to see that there is a problem (they are way underweight), if they dont want to help themselves no one can sadly
I would try and bring up the subject non-directly. Maybe try starting a conversation about how you want to go on a healthy diet or something and talk about healthy eating and see how she responds.
That sucks all around. Thank you for not jumping to conclusions and being concerened for your friend’s well being.
What about something like:
“Hey friend, I’m getting worried that we’re not fueling your body properly on this trip. Are you feeling sick, we could stop by a pharmacy and grab something? If the food choices aren’t sitting well, we could look at menus before sitting down for food. I want you to be happy, safe and healthy, is there something that I can do to help?
I have health issues that make traveling horrible, and there are many foods that trigger my health issues. Fueling our bodies can be really hard when in a new place.
Could be social anxiety around eating, I’ve had this since childhood.
You can ask her if she’s okay. Say you’re very worried she’s eating too little, but don’t push it. She might deflect, but showing you care could help her open up later, even if not right away.
If it’s an eating disorder, it could be because she’s really struggling in her soul. Pushing her to eat or commenting on her body or behavior won’t help. People with EDs often twist that stuff in their minds and it can make things worse.
Hopefully it’s something else, like acid reflux or stress. But if it is an eating disorder, it’s best to catch it early. Still, it’s not your responsibility to fix it. Just being a kind, listening friend is more than enough.
Try to enjoy your trip. Worst case, you might end up doing some things solo and some with her.