I, (M28) am friends with Ally, (F29), we’ve known each other since we were kids, she’s my closest friend in the world. Ally is engaged to Josh (M29), they’ve been trying for a baby for 2 years and they can’t.
After hospital visits, tests have shown that both Ally and Josh are healthy but Josh’s family has a history of sterility/infertility, some recessive gene or other, it likely could be affecting Josh.
They tried IVF, it didn’t work. They’ve discussed a donor but neither of them like the idea of a stranger essentially being the father, Josh especially is averse to the idea of another man being the father for reasons I can understand.
Yesterday, Ally approached me and told me all of this, she then asked me if I would be interested in doing it, I thought she was joking at first but she’s dead serious. I asked if Josh knew she was asking me, she told me he doesn’t.
Obviously, because of the nature of this agreement it would have to be done “the old fashioned way”, Ally had a cover story planned, we would drive out of town, have sex and see if it worked.
Obviously, I immediately said no but I can’t lie I’ve been thinking about it more and more. I would hate to do that behind Josh’s back, he and I aren’t close but he’s a decent guy.
Also, getting her pregnant behind his back just opens the door for trouble in the future. What if Josh finds out and leaves? Would I step up? What if the kid finds out and wants me to be involved? What if it doesn’t work and I screw a girl who’s getting married for no reason? Another reason is that a while ago, I had feelings for Ally, which is in the past for me but I feel like having sex with her would probably bring those feelings back. I’m not someone who could do casual hookups or no strings sex, I would get attached.
I think my best (or only) option is to tell her no, which sucks because I think they’re both getting desperate. In all likelihood, if she’s gone down this path of thinking, maybe the relationship won’t even work out. I’m wondering if I should tell Josh also, the way she asked me wasn’t like she was trying to “cheat” or ask for a hookup for the pleasure of it, it seemed like a genuine question.
Comments
She is happy to “cheat” on her husband to get pregnant – whoa!
IMO – this is potentially a legal pitfall…. Both from being named as the other person in an acrimonious divorce and potentially being liable for child support as the biological father.
A more adult option would be for her to have IVF but using your sperm (and a prior legal agreement between all 3 of you).
Run buddy, if you dont want to pay child support for the next 18 years
Is this real? Surely you’re aware that 1) DNA testing is a thing and 2) there are easy ways to inseminate someone (without a doctor) other than sex 3) sterility cannot be inherited?
Assuming it’s real, you need tell your friend to ova-up and have a come-to-Jesus talk with her man.
If you have to question yourself, do not do it.
> I asked if Josh knew she was asking me, she told me he doesn’t.
Absolutely horrid. You did the right thing by telling her no, and you’re also right in that doing it would open you up to a bunch of practical troubles. But let me add one thing: it will also change your opinion of yourself. If you’ve ever thought that you’re a decent guy, it will forever be tarnished by the knowledge that you were willing to knowingly sleep and impregnate with a woman behind her fiancees back. The “helping her out” angle will not help, because you will know that it is a convenient excuse for a despicable deed and Josh is sure not to thank you for it either. Imagine how it would break you if this was your own fiancee doing this to you. Gosh!
Ally is terrible person IMHO.
>she told me he doesn’t.
Terrible wife/friend.
>What if Josh finds out and leaves? Would I step up? What if the kid finds out and wants me to be involved
Yea dude.. and the kid looks like you ? lol.. or divorce and he does a paternity test. You going to be responsible for child support.
So you will pay the child support after Josh divorced his back stabbing cheating wife? WHO in their right mind would help betraying someone in such a bad way. Btw adoption is also an option.
not worth it bro. at least talk to Josh about it.
also, major red flag about Ally, really about to start a new chapter based on a lie..
Unless you want a messy situation and to be a father because guess who will have to play dad once Josh finds out (he will find out) stay out of it. DNA testing is a thing so even if no tells him all he can find out on his own especially if the kid doesn’t look like her or him because genetics are a tricky thing. All it would take is someone who knows you to say that kid looks like_____. For the wheels to start turning in his head. But if you want to put yourself in their relationship go right ahead. Some people love drama.
A lot of bad consequences that would make your life miserable, tell her to get therapy, tell her all the consequences and she should stop, her marriage will be over the second she cheats, if she really wants baby in any way with any body she should divorce her husband and try, if she said she loves him tell her there is no way he will stick with her after knowing she betrayed him this way, in fact he will hate her, she should put herself in his place,
and for you don’t ever be with her in the same place alone, if anything happens you will hate yourself for the rest of your life.