In 2023, I went through a very lonely phase, mainly because of my crush. I loved her more than I loved myself, but she didn’t care about me. She ghosted me and started dating another guy, leaving me heartbroken and depressed. Around that time, another girl entered my life. She started talking to me, and I was curious to know what it felt like to be in love. However, she wasn’t someone I genuinely felt attracted to. As they say, “Never go grocery shopping when you’re hungry; you might pick the wrong things.” Unfortunately, I understood this lesson too late.
We dated for about 3-4 weeks before breaking up because of issues with her family. We patched things up briefly, but then broke up again after a few days. A classmate of mine, who happened to be her ex-best friend, later told me about her past. She had been with 7-8 other guys and was known for being quite lustful. Being with her began to stir feelings in me that I wasn’t proud of, and I could feel my own desires becoming uncontrollable.
After our final breakup, I was devastated. I cried a lot, feeling overwhelmed by the fear of being alone again. Thoughts of my life being over consumed me, and negativity surrounded me. However, after a few months, I managed to move on and reflect on the situation. I regretted some things deeply. For instance, I always wanted my first kiss to be with my crush, but instead, it ended up being with my ex.
Eventually, I realized that neither of them truly deserved my emotions or attention. In hindsight, they both were just lessons in my life, not the love I was searching for.