Hello everyone. I haven’t posted on here in quite a while. Things with my inlaws have been relatively calm since the explosive confrontation with my JNOMIL. (See previous post history for details) but to summarize, this woman tormented me during my early postpartum days and took away precious time I should have spent on my newborn.
She isn’t allowed in our home anymore, since she can’t seem to keep her opinions about how I keep house to herself. She also doesn’t get to dictate when we visit anymore. We visit my inlaws 2 times a week (they live just down the street, and husband asks us to go visit). He’s expressed interest multiple times to take baby alone but I keep telling him I’m not ready. Everyone else has forgotten about what happened. But I still am hurt and frustrated and don’t want my JNMIL around my baby without me present. Husband doesn’t strongly enforce boundaries the way I do.
My baby seems to love JNOMIL, he always smiles at her and makes noises at her (though he does this with my parents as well) but it still bothers me. To know that she gets to be part of his life despite everything.
No contact isn’t isn’t option, and due to our culture (Mexican), we don’t hear about folks going no contact with their family.
JNMIL doesn’t get time alone with baby, and I really don’t want her to babysit. Fortunately I’m a stay at home mom (until baby is old enough for school), but she still used to insist on babysitting. She hasn’t mentioned it anymore because I’ve told her no many times. Now, she’s buying all kinds of things for our baby to keep at their house. JNOMIL hasn’t said or done anything rude to me since everything has happened, but I still get a weird feeling around her all the time. I just can’t stand being around her still, I thought I would be over it by now.
Recently, baby wasn’t breastfeeding enough and he was drinking too much water (he’s still a few months away from turning a year old) and I mentioned in front of my inlaws that he doesn’t need too much water because doctor said he should be breastfeeding more (and that primary source of hydration should remain breastmilk or formula until a year of age). I went to change babies diaper, and I immediately heard my MIL talking to my husband about how that’s wrong and that my baby is dehydrated and he needs more water. Now every single time we’ve gone over since, she immediately pours a sippy cup full of water (over 4 oz). And insists on filling it multiple times. It really pisses me off, as I know she’s doing this to spite my words. And possibly to force baby to wean faster. I don’t want to say anything as I don’t want to risk going backwards and ruining the peace that’s been made since everything that happened.
Inlaws also recently celebrated my birthday (which was odd because they never do this) but I thought it was nice. I suspected it was because they wanted an excuse to see baby. It went fine overall. Nothing bad happened. It just felt a bit odd. A few weeks later, my MIL calls husband and asks if we can bring the baby, and he said not today. She immediately sends pics from the birthday. I felt she did this to guilt trip us?
I feel so confused and angry about everything still. I know so many of you will continue to suggest no contact, but it truly isn’t an option at this point in time, not if I want to keep the current “peace”. I just needed to get it out.
I get so irrationally frustrated when baby smiles and laughs at JNOMIL. đ
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Other posts from /u/ToughDependent7591:
What’s the dumbest thing your MIL/ inlaws said when you were pregnant or freshly postpartum?, 2 months ago
I don’t ask for help from MIL with my baby, 2 months ago
MIL and FIL gaslit me and husband after meeting to talk , 6 months ago
FIL wants husband and I to have a meeting with him and MIL regarding our argument , 6 months ago
It happened. I finally stood up. It resulted in a big argument. , 6 months ago
MIL won’t listen to boundaries, 7 months ago
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Your baby’s affection for her doesn’t validate her behavior. You’re protecting him, and that’s what matters. Keep setting those boundaries, even if it’s just in small ways, like controlling the water situation. Don’t let her guilt trips get to you.
NC is an option. You may not like the consequence but it is indeed an option. Culture doesnât excuse toxicity.
Every time your baby gets a sippy cup full of water, throw it. Not hard, not mad, not at anything. Just grab it and toss it away. “Oh no, this is bad for baby, the doctor said so. Aww, did it make a mess? So sad.” Then keep hanging out with your kid and ignoring her.
Babies donât need water. Breast milk is very smart. In hot weather water content in breast milk increases, and in the winter fat content goes up. Next time she fills a sippy cup state that your baby doesnât drink water as it just makes them artificially full. They need to drink breastmilk because it is actually food. Let MIL know her ideas are very outdated.