I want to preface this by saying I know some fwb situations work. I also find that a lot of friends with benefits is really just “benefits with someone you kinda know” meaning the friendship part is really lacking and it’s mostly just casual sex/booty calls. I think it works better in this case.
I’m mostly talking about the fwb that is based on real friendship. Whether you were friends before the benefits started or had a friendship evolve as a result of it… It’s basically a relationship without the label. You’re doing all the intimate stuff — spending time together without sex, having sex, cuddling, confiding in each other, talking often, but then drawing a line where feelings are suddenly “not allowed.” You’re going on dates that can’t be considered dates, having intimate sex, and from the outside looking in, it looks like a full blown relationship.
Humans are wired for connection, and you’re almost guaranteed that at least one person will end up catching feelings. I’d argue that the dynamic makes it pretty inevitable, being that intimate and close with someone. What really bothers me is the message it sends, “You’re good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to date.” How do people handle it? Especially with someone they deem a friend? It feels like you’re treating someone as an option and not a whole person with feelings. Quite dehumanizing I think. Casual sex with a stranger is one thing, but I’m hard pressed to believe that casual sex with a close friend is anything but casual.
I get that it works for some people but I find it to be way too high of an emotional risk. To me, FWB is a setup where one person usually wins and the other gets hurt. Am I totally off base here? Have you had a FWB situations that ended well or do they all end poorly?