My boyfriend 22M and I 21F have a 3 month old daughter and we both work.
I am also a gamer but not the way he is. He plays WoW a lot. Excessively. It’s so fucking annoying because of his stupid raids, where he can’t do anything else but be in his stupid raid for HOURS at a time neglecting any other responsibilities. I have work in the morning. He does not. I want to go to sleep. I cannot because “he’s raiding” and I WILL HAVE TO PUT OUR BABY TO BED because he’s not going to be done anytime soon. Not that he’s ever actually put her to bed anyways because he “can’t get her to sleep”. I’m over it. I want to smash his computer sometimes. I AM A GAMER AS WELL BUT THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN VIDEO GAMES. I’m not fucking kidding with you when I tell you he works, sleeps, shits, and plays on his stupid fucking computer and that is all he does. I come home from an 8 hour shift. I literally fell and smashed my fucking knee yesterday and it’s bruised and swollen and I was just on my feet all day and he has the audacity to ask me to make him something to eat? Like are you fucking kidding me?? And he didn’t do anything while I was at work and that’s not even surprising he never does. I come home, clean baby bottles, make us food, get laundry started, clean the room, all while he’s been on his stupid fucking game the entire day. I’m fucking over it.
Comments
he’s not a gamer—he’s a grown-ass man hiding in a fantasy world while you solo real life with a 3-month-old
this isn’t about WoW
this is about him choosing a raid over you breaking your body keeping the house afloat
you don’t need to smash the PC
you need to smash the illusion that this is a partnership
lay it out once, clearly: he steps up or you step out
no nagging, no begging—boundaries with consequences
you didn’t sign up to be a single mom with a man-child roommate
start acting like someone who knows that
He sounds pathetic im so sorry.
Hes being a really shitty dad and needs to realize you and the baby should take priority. Sounds like hes just straight up addicted and needs an intervention from family. I’d be careful bout smashing his pc as that could escalate to a violent situation. Your anger is justified completely. He needs to zero the fuck in and help his gf and raise his kid.
Dad gamer here.
I’m currently planning on my next PC build in 2037. My boy will be a teen then… he’ll have his own interests and I hope some are gaming…
That being said…go to the park with your loved ones. Seriously take the time…tell yourself to try and be the father that child would want you to be.
Once you really try…your eyes open and damn this kid is beautiful inside outside and everywhere in-between.
Gaming is my way of escaping that responsibility because it’s one damn big burden…my brain turns it off while I focus on intense games. It’s a form of forgetting about the burdens and pushing them aside.
But when I do the opposite and lean into fatherhood and see the results …. It’s so worth it, this is why my gaming is taking a back seat. The more I do for my partner the better for my lil man and the more I do for my lil man the more I do for me…
It comes full circle…
games will always be there but the moment he told me I was his best friend…was just another moment I realized he’s the single most important thing in this world and I want more firsts like that everyday. So, I show up, shove the games aside and push myself to be better because that’s what I want my son to be…better than me.
Was he an excessive gamer a year ago?
I would have a serious talk with him, if he wants to be a father he needs to cut out games like wow. He’s got to supplement his time for his child. I made the mistake of prioritizing games over spending time with my son. Of course I did take the time but I never realized how much time I spent on games it’s was a habit that I had growing up. That’s the consequence of gaming you spend so much time focusing and losing yourself. I’d try to have a talk with him let him know your struggles and hope he can acclimate and make changes gaming addiction is a pretty serious issue and it could lead to even more neglect.
My husband is a gamer (Destiny 2) and always has been. He was always good when our kids were babies and did his fair share with them. It was after they were in bed that he would game. For me it wasn’t the gaming, it was the things he WASN’T doing. After explaining it that way he was less defensive and we were able to work out a schedule.
He gamed with his clan one night a week after the kids were in bed and then we spent time together.
It was lonely being in a marriage where our relationship wasn’t a priority but we worked through it. Our kids are no longer babies so he’s able to game more now on Sunday mornings and his lunch breaks etc. I’m happy he has something that he enjoys but gaming cannot come before being a partner or parent.
My best advice is to write out your feelings and possibly offer some compromises. Remind him, it’s not the gaming it’s the lack of X, Y, Z. Then give him time to consider what you wrote. I say to write it because I found I wasn’t usually capable of staying on point when I was feeling strong emotions, especially when post partum. Hope this helps.