There are two types of people in this world: those who treat a hospital stay like a solitary confinement sentence to be endured alone, and those who view it as a team sport where the bench must be full 24/7. Usually, you figure out which camp your partner falls into before the major medical event occurs. But one man on Reddit recently discovered that his casual approach to hospital visitation has been secretly eating away at his wife for two entire decades, and honestly, we can see why she is still holding onto that grudge.
The drama resurfaced because the OP’s (Original Poster) mother is scheduled for minor surgery. His wife, who comes from a large family where leaving a relative alone in a hospital bed is apparently a capital offense, assumed they would be camping out at the bedside. The OP, however, joked about her family being “odd” for their constant vigil. That joke landed about as well as a lead balloon because it unlocked a vault of resentment she had been keeping sealed since the year 2000.
The OP’s wife is apparently still “salty” about the birth of their first child, and the details are enough to make any mother cringe. Back in early February of 2000, the wife was two weeks overdue. For anyone who hasn’t been pregnant, two weeks overdue feels like you have been pregnant for a thousand years. She was exhausted, uncomfortable, and scheduled for an induction at the ungodly hour of 6:30 AM. After a full day of medical prodding with no baby in sight, the doctor decided to pause the induction at 8 PM and try again in the morning.
Most partners would pull up that terrible, squeaky sleeper chair and settle in for the long haul to hold their partner’s hand. Solidarity, right? Not this guy. He looked at his exhausted, pregnant wife, woke her up to tell her he was leaving, and went home to sleep in his own comfortable bed. He claims they were “both” working on less than three hours of sleep, which is true, but only one of them was trapped in a hospital gown with an IV, waiting to push a human out the next day.
To his credit, he was back at the hospital by 7 AM. The induction eventually turned into a C-section, which is major abdominal surgery. He was there for the birth and spent the evening with his wife and newborn. But then, the pattern repeated. After midnight, instead of staying to help with the terrifying first night of parenthood—diaper changes, feedings, the sheer panic of keeping a tiny human alive while recovering from surgery—he kissed them goodbye and went home to sleep again.
He even admits that the next day, he left the hospital for a few hours to “get some lunch and decompress” while his mother-in-law visited. Sir, your wife just had layers of tissue cut open. She is trapped in a bed. You are “decompressing” at Arby’s? The luxury of being the non-birthing partner is truly something to behold. He justifies it by saying he wanted to make sure the house was ready for them, but there is a massive difference between tidying up and consistently choosing your own comfort over hers.
For twenty years, the wife held onto this. She never said anything at the time, probably because she was too busy recovering and raising a newborn, but it bothered her deeply. She felt abandoned during one of the most vulnerable moments of her life. The OP argues that because she didn’t explicitly ask him to stay, and because he doesn’t think 24/7 attendance is necessary, he didn’t do anything wrong. He calls it a family “quirk” to want support, but honestly, leaving your wife alone the night before an induction is a bold move. Leaving her alone the night after a C-section is even bolder.
The OP claims he had “no idea” she expected him to stay. But this is one of those situations where you shouldn’t really need a written invitation. If your spouse is in the hospital having your child, the default setting should probably be “stay until they kick me out,” not “leave when I get tired.”
So, is the OP the ahole? In the grand scheme of things, he wasn’t malicious, but he was certainly clueless. He prioritized his sleep over her comfort not once, but three times in a row. It makes total sense why his wife is insistent on hospital visitors now; she knows exactly how lonely it feels when the lights go out and your partner goes home.
What would you do if your partner went home to sleep while you were being induced? Would you have called them out immediately, or held a silent grudge for two decades? Let us know in the comments if you think this dad owes his wife a twenty-year-late apology!