I am 25, and just got my license about 3 weeks ago now. I really wasn’t expecting to pass my first go since I can’t really change lanes well and tend to favor leaning to the right when driving which l’ve been better at. However, driving is still pretty difficult for me and often get very overwhelmed at busy streets and intersections. As I mentioned, I really wasn’t expecting to pass, so glad I did though.
My brother in law however, keeps making comments and jabs at me for not being able to drive properly despite doing lessons here and there and how “having my permit” was my practice, which honestly, i don’t think is fair nor true considering you take a written test to pass that and I also got that when I was a lot younger….
He says things like: you’re about to be 26, how do you not know how to do xyz. Everyone with a license knows how to do xyz when I ask about something related to driving, I’m shocked you have your license given your lack of confidence driving and etc. it really puts me down as l’m so anxious driving. I’m a brand new driver and I get that I’m 25, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m still new to it.
Older people of Reddit, how would you handle this matter? I tried to say things back to defend myself but ultimately let it go for my sibling’s sake since we fight so often and she feels weird and uncomfortable being in the middle of it. However, I feel he started it with his hostility. I’ve made a post on here a long time ago about how we don’t get along and things, a lot of people had agreed he’s an asshole considering he’s 30 and been treating me this way since I was a child and being mean to me. I have to be near them a lot of the time, which I have limited more but it is harder since we also live closer to each other as well. And honestly, anytime I want alone time with my sister he ends up coming anyways or she asks me if he can come full well knowing I don’t really like his company whatsoever.
As of right now it’s hard for me to not be around him or at least bump into him. Known him since I was about 13 and didn’t like him then either. We’ve always fought and he’s said a lot of terrible shit to me that also my parents poorly would relay as me being “too sensitive”. They’ve gotten better about it, and he isn’t their fave person either. but still tend to make such comments and my parents do have fault too in not letting me stand up for myself and rather, saying I’m “too sensitive” and “need to respect him because he’s older” that is all bull shit to me and I just couldn’t say that when I was younger since I had less authority to.
I know people say limit contact or don’t ever speak to him. However it is very unrealistic in my case at least for the time being. And honestly, I hate having the feeling of “backing down” for the sake of my sister. And it makes me feel anytime I do that, I’m back to younger me who got stepped on and taking advantage of by others. It takes a lot in me each time he makes a job only to not escalate things- not because I’m looking for a fight but it’s because I have every right to defend myself.
Shouldn’t this not be an issue in the first place, let alone for this long?! He also doesn’t have siblings and grew up privileged and seen as the “popular cool kid” in school so I feel that also explains a lot. I’m literally so much younger than he is.. where does this behavior come from? I feel like he should be trying everything to be nice to me, especially if I’ve known him for so long and he knows I still don’t. I don’t understand….
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I’m really sorry for you and your situation. The underlying issue is not really your driving license, though. It’s his insecurity and lack of empathy making him a bully. My nephew didn’t get his license until he was in his 30s and he’s a scientist at a military base and functions very well thank you. Just ignore him if you can at all, and he hopefully would just realize what a jerk he is.
When he talks to you just keep quiet and stare at him. You have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Congrats on your license. Also don’t talk about any of your concerns around him. Just try different things to see if you can get different results.
Bullies bully because they are insecure. Only he can fix that. Hopefully he’ll realize how stupid he looks teasing you while you don’t react. Once you get used to the discomfort it’s actually kind of fun to watch people not get any satisfaction from their reindeer games.
Here he is coming at you for not being a confident driver yet I’m pretty sure people learned in kindergarten to keep not-nice things to themselves. He’s making fun of you because he is deeply insecure about something. You can ignore him or try to figure out what it is and clap back.
I got my license when I was 28, because I was born and raised in NYC, where having a car was a liability. It still took me at least 18 months to 2 years before I felt confident behind the wheel and was able to “look ahead” at situations on the road. Tell your BIL to piss off and try to find someone who knew him when he was just starting out driving and get the truth from them on how he drove and throw it in his face. He sounds like a bully who thinks he can pull this shit with you and get away with it. Let him this isn’t the case.
Is this a guy? Don’t even talk trash people. It’s a Human question. I lived this a bit and have some advice