25F. When you think you’re both having a good time because you’re flirting, making each other laugh (a lot), and there’s a ton of eye contact, so you’re just being yourself and living in the moment. But then you find out after that they weren’t as into it or had an issue with an aspect of the date :/ Normally I’d try to take this stuff in stride but it really stings because I found him super attractive/cute. I feel embarrassed that the date went on for so long. I made sure to ask if he was interested in doing something or extending the date and he always said yes, even initiated himself a couple times. And afterwards said he wanted to plan something cool for the 2nd date. But looking back I can see where I messed up and didn’t pick up on cues.
I took full initiative with planning and confirming and he texted after the date with a positive reply. He brought up the next date and we joked around a bit, but then his texts got shorter/slower and he ended up telling me that the walking part of the date dragged on too long. I sent a short text offering a redo and to buy him a coffee (or something), but said I understand if he isn’t feeling it anymore. If he declines or ghosts I guess I’ll have my answer and can move on.
Does anyone have words of encouragement or similar stories? 😵💫 Am I being way too hard on myself? Sometimes I get so in my head about stupid dating rules and trying to figure out what’s expected of me as a woman dating men. All of the advice is SO contradictory and I just want to be myself without overthinking it! I know men struggle with this too
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I think you might be coming on a little strong. Remember first dates are just a way to get a preliminary vibe check and shouldn’t turn into super long activities.
Also constant communication after a date isn’t expected and maybe giving it some time to kinda figure out compatibility is a good thing. I would just advise giving it some space and letting people come to you instead of chasing. I also think dating is a bit of a numbers game – don’t put too much importance on a single person just because they are cute. There’s plenty of cute out there!
Once a man starts dragging his feet or his responses get short it’s time to pull back or let him go; not offer to buy him something. If he’s truly interested in planning a date, he’ll do it.
You have nothing to be embarrassed about, we’ve all been there!
You’re overthinking the whole thing.
First, it’s not you. But more importantly, it’s not about you. You can have a perfectly fun date, and the other person may decide that while they had a nice time, there are reasons why you two may not be compatible. THIS IS NOT A BAD THING. It’s actually a great thing. You do not want someone to drag you along for the ride until they find what they’re looking for. But also, you don’t need to figure out how to better suit them because, while it may work in the short term, you will eventually lose yourself and end up unhappy.
Communication. You can’t say the wrong thing to the right person. This is 100% true. But just as this is true, you also need to know when to give people space. If you text someone after a date and they don’t text back, the answer isn’t try again. The answer is move on. Yes, that stings. But my goodness, wouldn’t you want someone who wants you? Who’s excited to text you back? Who maybe texts you before you text them?
I know dating sucks, but fighting for crumbs is not the way. It’s a sure way to be unhappy and to settle in relationships. Love yourself enough to not settle for someone who isn’t what you’re looking for.
It’s alright girl, sometimes we’re into people, and they just aren’t as interested in us. Like what someone else said, when guys start making excuses and dragging their feet, they just weren’t feeling it.
Personally, I never plan the first date, and after the first date, I only ever text to thank the guy for taking me out. At that point if they are actually interested, they will always ask me out again. Early on, there’s no point in investing so much. Some people will disagree with me, but personally, I’ve never met anyone super compatible with me by initiating often.
It’s not our job to read people’s minds. If he didn’t want to continue the date or the walking, he could have used his big boy words and said something. Instead, he led you on.
My bet would be that he was more interested in someone else and was keeping you as an option for a few days.
Good luck navigating these waters. Dating looks like a hellscape for your generation.
I think it helps to remember that getting rejected means you are one person closer to finding someone who is the right fit for you. Dating someone you like more than they like you just slows you down from finding the right person and ideally you want to be on the same page as the other person-both people need to be a 100% yes for it to be worth it, otherwise it’s a waste of both of your time. In that way, rejection is the kindest thing you can do to someone you know isn’t your person. Set them free!
It also helps to remember that just because someone doesn’t want to date you doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you. It just means you are the right fit for that person. We’re all looking and wanting different things from a partner and you can be an amazing person and still not be exactly what someone else is looking for. So rejection isn’t saying anything negative about you, it’s just the other person trying to find what’s most important for them.
This person telling you that the walking part of the date dragged on too long -big indicator that he’s not YOUR person. If he was, he would have wanted the walk to never end. When you are dating the right person all the time in the world with them isn’t enough. By distancing himself he’s doing you a favor and setting you free to find someone who wants to walk all damn day with you.
Rejection isn’t a negative, it can be the best thing for you. Next!