I’ve struggled with lust for quite some time now. Porn, masturbation, etc. started when I was at a young age and I’ve become a product of what the internet programs these young kids to see. I was literally that young kid. Been in a relationship for 5 years strong now. Have a house, 2 dogs, a cat and a loving girlfriend. Everything I could possibly want. But I feel this list is literally torturing me. I want to overcome it so bad. Does anyone have any solid tips to overcome this when the feeling of lust arises? I know lust comes in many different forms; money, expensive things etc. but I just want to make clear that this is sexual lust. How could I program myself to get over this?
Getting rid of lust.
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Been there. Therapy and redirecting that energy into exercise or hobbies really helps.
You need to see a therapist pronto. They will help you to work through your feelings. Also, have you talked to your partner about this?
Is the lust you feel for your girlfriend?
If it is, that is normal.
You can’t be responsible for the way you feel, but you are responsible for the way you behave.
If you’re having behavioral problems because of these feelings of lust, then a visit to a talk therapist would probably be helpful for you.
Bro, I hear ya. Overcoming lust ain’t a switch you can just flip. Remember, it starts w/ acceptance, not just sweeping it under the rug. You can’t beat yourself up every time you slip up, that’ll just fuel the guilt cycle. Find a healthy outlet, pick up a hobby, hit the gym hard, meditate, or talk it out with someone you trust. Might sound cliché, but it gets easier over time, promise. #StayStrong 💪.
Take a long walk when you feel that way. You’ll feel better.
Not sure if this is an option for you but is there any way you could include your girlfriend and act out any of the fantasies? That might not fully solve the problem but could help bridge the gap between fantasy and reality or make what you are seeing less desirable because it’s accessible in your relationship?
Hey! I am glad you’re asking this question. I deal with the same problem too. The only thing different is that you got a girlfriend but I don’t. I would really appreciate if you can tell me how to get over this “feeling of lust” whenever I am not at work or doing a daily chore. It’s frustrates me, I know it’s not normal. I am very concerned. PLEASE help me.
So some people try to act this lust out with their loving trusting person and realize it’s not reality. I personally talk with my husband and show him what I was looking at, we acknowledge if it was hot or not and then we move on with our day.
Touch grass, lift weights, delete the tabs
I find that if a relationship isn’t that sexual to satisfy a person then that’s when the mind strays. And I’m currently in one and have the same feelings, it wasn’t always like that when we were sexually very active, but when that dried up and your are looked at having different fantasies than her then it becomes judgement.
So now we are literally on here discussing it.
Firstly, you have to be serious about the changes, when feeling that way engage your self in public stuff, make sure something takes your time, do not feel lonely all the time, always stay around people
The first step, honestly, is recognizing that it isn’t always lust that you feel. Your addiction is all-encompassing and urges can be triggered by boredom, frustration, discouragement, just about anything. You have used it to fill the holes and to cover the pain for so long, you don’t even know when you truly feel lust. You feel something uncomfortable, and your addiction responds before you even perceive it.
The dangerous thing about addictions is the shame spiral you describe. You are triggered, you feel the urge, you feed your addiction, you feel shame, the discomfort of the shame triggers the urge again. So the next step is to work on removing the shame. This will require work and open discussion with a counselor or your partner or better yet both.
Then you will need to work on learning to resist the urges long enough to identify the specific triggers. Once you get to where you can recognize that you are feeling bored, or lonely, or discouraged about your job or disappointed about a lost opportunity or guilty for something you said to someone, THEN you can start learning other self-soothing behaviors, and other healthy distractions to use instead.
This does not mean you will never feel lust. But the lust you feel will be true lust, which will feel good and open, and which can be satisfied by your partner or by yourself healthily and without guilt or shame.
Find a counselor who specializes in this. You can overcome it.
I’m working on this myself right now. You are not alone my guy. It’s going to take time and finding other things that interest you instead of seeking out porn.
Ouija board
Get some Prozac, you won’t have lust anymore (somewhat a joke)
Start by challenging yourself to stay away from it, start with small increments of 24 hours and then eventually it will build up to a point where you can go weeks without porn
Men aren’t the only ones who struggle with lust. Nymphomaniacs have been around since recorded time, as well. It’s my understanding that some people’s brains are just wired differently, but that it can be retrained through therapy and diversion techniques.
Go outside
What comes with money is greed; not lust, unless in the abnormal ends.
However I can suggest something as Shadow Integration.
I’m probably going to be downvoted for this, but half the questions on this subreddit seem like they’re from people beating themselves with near-suicidal levels of self hatred because they get horny and/or masturbate.
Unless you are cheating on your partner or are engaging in compulsive behavior like watching porn at the office your struggles sound like anxiety and self-loathing, not getting horny, something human beings have been feeling since the dawn of time.
Similarly, unless you’re into things that are literally illegal, there is probably nothing wrong with you OP aside from beating yourself up over something normal if not an inevitable part of being alive. If hardcore porn really does trouble you that much, maybe consider switching to more softcore/pinup stuff.
But most importantly – consider therapy so you can get down to the root of why you’re this hard on yourself. What worries me most about your post is not “lust” but that you sound like you’re one bad day away from trying to castrate yourself.
I think the book Dopemine Nation will help you. It gives a powerful framework to understand and overcome addiction by understanding the core neurological process at play.
The author is Dr. Anna Lembke who discusses her own addiction to erotica novels, and also shares some patient cases which offer great perspective on the matter.