Hi! Me (18m) and my girlfriend (19f) have had a few issues in our relationship. We’ve only been together 8 months and the first issue started when she lied about he father calling her when it was her ex in the beginning of the relationship. I brushed it off as just her being afraid to admit that to me because we were so fresh.
The second issue occurred when we stayed together for the month of January and a few weeks prior we were apart and she started texting one of her exes again. She claimed to have done this because I had never got mad her before (true) and she really needed a reason to get me mad. This did not make me mad but just disappointed and hurt my feelings.
The third incident happened during spring when she and her ex of 7 years reconnected. He reached out on Valentine’s Day via a burner phone, she had blocked him multiple times before but he would keep reaching out. I suggested that maybe she should just say that she has a new boyfriend and move on. They reconnected and rather and she told him about us but then they became friends again. She began pushing me away to talk to him while I wasn’t there so she could vent. She felt like I was “too perfect” to vent to and he was more on her level. I said this was okay but she just be open and say that rather than sneak around. She ended up blocking him again because he said our relationship wasn’t gonna last and he was hoping to get back with her.
Fast forward to now and she is becoming stressed with school and etc. She reaches out to two of her exes and begins to use them to vent, remember I’m too perfect to vent to. This eventually leads to her sexting them because she needed some validation and since I’m her boyfriend I will give her that no matter what and it doesn’t really count. She apologized and just said she couldn’t resist doing so and would become physically itchy and irritated if she didn’t do this. I’m deeply hurt and I really love her but I don’t know how to keep going. We are still together and have been doing fine the last few days, she is going to therapy to find the root of her problems as well as trying to just get her life together. She claims it’s just been hard to be with one person since this is her first committed relationship without her being abused or cheated on. Any advice on how to work though this? Sorry for the long read lol TL;DR
Comments
Your’re only 18 and 8 months into a relationship that is on shakey ground already – move on.
This is not love. This is trauma bonding with someone who gets bored unless she’s juggling three exes, a burner phone, and a sob story. She’s not “just struggling to be with one person”. She’s addicted to drama and external validation, and she’s using you as her emotional support boyfriend while shopping around for attention on the side.
You’re out here feeling bad for her like she’s lost and healing, but she’s been playing in traffic and dragging you into it like it’s a coping strategy.
You’re young. You have time. And there are girls who will actually treat you with respect instead of calling you “too perfect to vent to” while sexting their ex behind your back.
Be smart. Walk away. Don’t let this be your baseline for love.
Honestly, she’s 19 year old and should have a lot of higher priorities than giving a monoamorous and exclusive commitment to a man she has dated less than a year.
You should talk together about why you thought a monoamorous and exclusive commitment was necessary when you both have education, work, career planning, friendships, sports, activism, volunteering, families, hobbies, and (hopefully) sleep, and neither of you know where you will be or how you will be living in a year.
Get your “stability and security” from yourself and your friends & family for another 5 years. When you are in a position to commit to a job and geography for 5-10 years, then think about giving another person a commitment.
her ex of 7 years??? so when she was 12???
dude, you’re not ready for a girlfriend yet. Neither of you are honestly, you’re kids. Just go pay a hooker if you want sex